I am not sure what's up with her but this has been ongoing for the past couple of sessions. She picks the topic even though it has nothing to do with what's on my mind. My husband went to one session with me months ago and she mentions what a great guy he is everytime i'm there and always asks how he is. Met him once, how does she know anything about him? blamed something on me that he did a couple of weeks ago and when I told hubby he was shocked. He apologized for what he did, knew he was wrong and it had nothing to do with me. I cancelled this week's session because I know how she feels about my daughter's death. There was no need for me to go to be told again it's been ten years, get over it.She doesn't believe I should go to the cemetary EVER because that's a symbol of hanging on. I think i'm doing great when her death is in my mind , dealing with it within days and not hiding for months therefore I feel she is out of line. When I left her a message that I was cancelling our appt ( I gave 3 days notice) I said there was a conflict in times since i would rather tell her in person what I thought of the last session. No lie, there was a conflict in times. I didn't want to go at that time. hence the conflict was with me. She called back to confirm our next session and left me a message saying very sternly that I couldn't let my PT interfere with our time as our sessions are always at that time and they had no right and I shouldn't let them get away with this. 1st of all I never mentioned PT and it had nothing to do with me cancelling as my PT sessions are the same days and times every week. 2nd our appt since Sept have ranged from 11:15 to 3:00. so where does she figure they're the same time? I did call back to confirm our appt. in 3 weeks and of course got her voice mail. I did ask where she ever got the idea that my PT had anything to do with anything since it was never mentioned and that our sessions have been a different time every week for 6 months. What do you all think is up? I'm thinking it's time to stop therapy, she is trying to push buttons, wants to see if i am building boundaries, whatever. I have seen her consistantly for 2 1/2 years, stopped for about 3-4 months and then went back when i flipped in the summer after being injured. Do you think I am done with her or she is done with me? I will keep my session on the 21st and talk to her. I needed to get through my daughter's b-day and the depos i have to sit through in 2 weeks without her adding to the mix which is what she's been doing. Though I have said certain situations are no longer an issue with me they seem to be with her, unless there is nothing to talk about and she's fishing. My last session I went in angry at my husband and left angry at her. That doesn't seem to work in my mind. I understand that therapy is tough and sometimes things are said that set you off but she is going on and on about things I have come to terms with and putting ideas in my mind that I didn't have walking in. Opinions please!
Last edited by ICC; 03-02-2007 at 04:35 AM.
Ok FTM --- I will do the best I can. When I stopped going for the 3-4 months it was by mutual agreement between me and the therapist. the one I was seeing for grief for 3 -4 years closed his practice and became the Director of phsychology at one of the big city VA hospitals but not before dx me. After spending many years with him he did alot of testing as what he was seeing with physical and emotional symptoms all pointed to PTSD. I had to go to a large facility to find a PTSD specialist. At that time i started to dissociate big time. On the road, cooking, working. Had no idea what was going on and she was a great help. I was still in the throws of my daughter's death and the more we talked the more we found. I thought I had gotten over my mother and ex-husbands abuse but obviously had it buried so deep I didn't even remember. I have been a robot for more years than I can count. At the time I stopped seeing her she knew, I didn't, that I would return at some point. She felt we had gone as far at the time that my mind would allow. Doing fine for months until the injuries. You know that drill. Legal, medical, PAIN, no help or answers. Went on a wild goose chase trying to get help and having doors slammed in my face. Finally my PCP told me that the injuries had effected my mind and in turn it was all effecting my personal health issues so I nneded to go back into therapy because i was extrememly depressed which was something new to me. I started to see another counselor in the same facility having no idea it was my PTSD and after 3 sessions talked to the therapist about going back to my original one as I was spending week after week explaining how I felt and thought it would be better to be with someone who already knew the history. That's the first time I ever heard that a bodily injury could and would set the PTSD off. Been seeing her since Sept. again Have climbed mountains together until the last session which was a week ago wed. I do believe it would have been easier if I was seeing her at the time of the injuries. When she starts spending a session on something I feel I have come to terms with and maybe something else is on my mind that day I do tell her. I was clear at the last session that I was upset about something other than her choice of topics. Her answer to that is to end the session. I have never been able to tell her she is off target without her getting annoyed and ending the session. My body language does change drastically if I am annoyed. Doesn't mean she hit a nerve it means I am paying you and the session should be about me, not my husband or anything else you choose to talk about IF I AM HERE WITH SOMETHING ELSE STEWING ON MY MIND. Did that clear the air at all? I know I get windy when I have something stuck. Sorry!
"When she starts spending a session on something I feel I have come to terms with and maybe something else is on my mind that day I do tell her. I was clear at the last session that I was upset about something other than her choice of topics. Her answer to that is to end the session. I have never been able to tell her she is off target without her getting annoyed and ending the session."
It seems that whenever your therapist feels conflict arising, instead of working through it, she would rather end your session.
I may be off here but it could possibly be that she is going through something herself (it is not unheard of for a therapist to seek therapy themselves).
She knows that you have PTSD and yet sets the tone for anything she feels is pertinent, without warning.
Her approach is very unorthodox, to say the least.
Do you feel that this is intentional?
I thought that you were supposed to tell her what was on your mind; not her decide it for you.
Exactly my point FTM......... This has happened before and I have usually let it slide. Not anymore. They are my sessions. If she thinks there's a problem concerning a particular issue I have no probelm with her bringing to the table BUT if I say I'm not concerned about this but I am concerned about something else I would like it respected and dealt with. Not ignored. One of my sessions probably at least a year ago I remember being very angry about something, it had nothing to do with her, and I don't recall what it was but I believe something from deep in the past had hit me and it was the first time I had ever felt the anger. I wasn't loud, but to the point and made it clear how angry I was at this person. She told me straight out that she was uncomfortable with my anger and felt like she was being drawn into it and didn't like the feeling. I also left that day very uncomfortable with a therapist who is uncomfortable with a client's anger that is not being directed at her. I believe I stopped seeing her shortly after that as I was uncomfortable being honest. If i'm crying about something, or truly in a bad state she is very supportive but it appears that any anger that comes out she takes personally. I told her the day my husband went with me that she was making me angry because she was talking to him as if I wasn't in the room and about something that was no longer an issue. My husband picked up on it right away and offered to wait outside. she said NO. FTM... you are right. my daughter's death is a very sensitive issue with me and i have opted not to discuss my feelings in detail with anyone but my friends here and my family. My decision. If I have a particular trigger going at full force I expect her to deal with that trigger and not one that I feel I have under control. My WC case has been a biggie with her. I am almost at the end. When my court date was cancelled and I knew I had to face my boss at his depo the anxiety started. I talked it over here and with my attorney. DONE. It needs to take place. I hate him, he hates me. It is what it is. Last session that's all she wanted to talk about and I felt i didn't need it stirred up as I feel OK with it now. As she kept going I got annoyed and she read that as anxiety towards it. I told her honestly that it was not anxiety but annoyance at her for spending the entire session on something I was Ok with and ignoring my issue with my husband. Well the session was ended immediately as soon as I say something negative about my husband. She spent all of 20 minutes with him and still talks about him. You know what FTM? I think she was smitten with him as she always tells me EVERY SESSION how he looks at me with so much love and how lucky I am. She has never been married or had children. Knows full well the first 6 years of our marriage he had a cocaine problem and after his back surgery a vicodin addiction. HELLO!!!!! He is a good husband but i don't appreciate her telling me at every session how great and wonderful he is and I am the problem behind every argument him and I have. She has to know that I still at times have issues with is addictions though they have been gone for years. So how can she sit there and tell me it's my fault. That's like telling someone that someone else's alcoholism is there fault. WHAT!!!! I felt like she was elling me that since both husband's had addictions it would have to be my fault. How about I was drawn to this because i used to be a co-addict. Been done with that crap for years. I'm sorry FTM for going on and on . I know it's hard for you to read but I feel it's maybe time for a change and needed someone else to maybe see this situation more clearly.
I think you should change this therapist. I am still sick from a job I had 14 years ago and she expected you to overcome your daughter's death in 10 years.
She seems bringing her own feelings when it comes to your husband and putting blame on you 'cause it is easier.
I don't understand that "pushing boundries". You are sick person coming for help, you don't need to be hurt even for free.
It seems to me that she still wants to have you as a customer. I never had a doctor, except terrible therapist I had, care one bit if I want to continue with him/her. To me it is a sign that her practice is not doing well she wants to hold on on you.
You got me confused my physicists always ask two question every week, how are you doing, and what is going on, that sets up the session. The only time she picks out a subject is when I don't, but she does it by asking question about how I am doing with this or that.
Never have been told by a therapist, counselor, or physicists to "get over it" if we could we wouldn't have PTSD and wouldn't need them.
If you don't feel that you are comfortable with you therapist any longer you might think of getting a new one but make sure that is what [U]you[U] want to do.
So you are telling this therapist that coming to her office is causing more distress than not coming. You feel the last few sessions are not helpful and you leave feeling worse than before you come in for therapy. You needs are not being met, you are not being heard, and the topics she chooses are unhelpful to you. I say , tell her this and if thing do not change you can no longer come. Tell her it is no longer a safe place to express your concerns, that you are unwilling to risk being hurt any further in an environment you are no longer comfortable being in. Be prepared that she may agree with you and expect the therapy sessions to end. Use the rest of the time to find some closure with her and search out some other therapist and any information she could share to help you on your search would be appreciated.
My therapy session start with; “so… tell me, what’s going on, how are you feeling, is there anything on your mind today you would like to discuss?..ect…” I lead, she follows, not the other way around!!!! Sounds like to me there is a whole lot of transference going on there with you and your therapist. Not a good thing.
Hi ICC, you are correct, she shouldn't be uncomfortable with anger that is not directed towards her. This is causing you to alter what you tell her. This isn't helpful to you! Sounds like she wants to control the session so that she can be comfortable. This is not helpful to you! If you bring this up to her be prepared that she will get defensive. Anyone who would function at this level is going to get defensive when called on it. Either way, I think that you need a new therapist. She was comfortable before you got healthier! Oh yeah, that is weird stuff with her and your husband! ICC sounds like you didn't trust your gut when you should have! And it sounds like she isn't helping you at all with your daughter's death.
thanks all for your responses. that is the way I was seeing it. something just hasn't been right since my husband went to the session with me. The last session she did ask How i was and how did court go. she wasn't aware that they had cancelled it. When asked "how did it go" my response was "how did what go?" I had forgotten all about it. Told her it was no big deal but I had something bothering me and she continued in spite of my interuptions. I have to agree that she was much more comfortable when I was more needy. I almost feel as if she puts things in my head and then I start to secong guess myself. The anger issue has me bugged because she should be much better able to handle an angry client when it has nothing to do with her. I am far from an intimidating person. 5'2". Not a screamer. BUT I can say what's on my mind and go with it. She couldn't. She actually told me I had brought her to the dark place I was in and she wanted to end the session before she got sucked in any further. WHAT was I thinking in continuing? I will keep the appt I have with her on the 21st and tell her how I feel. I don't feel that a therapist is ALWAYS right about their perceptions. Sometimes the client does know what their feeling after a period of time in counseling. I have a grief group nearby that I think might be a better place for me right now since my daughter's death seems to be my only issue at this point. I was so proud of myself for telling her she was wrong, and questioning where she got the idea that my PT was interfering. So I have set boundaries and she crossed them. I don't think she was happy with that info. I have always lead the session until recently. Do you think she sees the difference and is uncomfortable with it?
May be she decides that you become a "regular", so she doesn't have to do good job anymore. You will stick with her no matter what. I wouldn't suggest you to tell her directly why you are changing her.
Find some reason like time and money. When you need find another one.
She can be very agressive and defensive when you basicly said that she is not good. That what I was going through. You don't want her to hurt you more.
Could be that she is jealos 'cause of your marriage, from her perspective you with all your problems get a good man and she doesn't. It is not good thing either.
galinaqt ... you are the first one that said what I was thinking. Yes I do think she is jealous of my relationship with my husband.
Sannah ---- When this situation with my dark mood happened I stopped seeing her shortly after that. The only thing that brought me back to her was the full blown attack in the summer and I couldn't seem to get anywhere with the knew therapist for depression. Week after week I had to explain 50 years of heartache. It was my idea to go back to the original one. Out of desperation. You're right she is uncomfortable now and I believe that's waht i am seeing. maybe she can't handle , besides anger, someone who stands up to her and no longer spends every session in tears.
It is rather dangerous 'cause she can intentionally hurt you out of jealosy. One therapist told me herself that another therapist might of treated me bad 'cause he was jealos that I am woman and doing better than him financially. Can't trust anybody.
Anyway you should dump her.