It appears you have not yet Signed Up with our community. To Sign Up for free, please click here....



Post-Traumatic Stress Disorder (PTSD) Message Board


Post New Thread   Closed Thread
LinkBack Thread Tools
Old 03-15-2007, 09:53 PM   #1
Junior Member
(female)
 
Join Date: Feb 2007
Location: USA
Posts: 25
dianegirl HB User
My first question on this board...need advice please...

I was recently diagnosed with PTSD. I have been in counseling for my severe depression and PTSD for about 5 months. I see a therapist who has been very helpful and kind. I also see a shrink twice a month, but mostly just for drug management.

I have only had to call my counselor two times in the past...once when I had a really bad fight with my hubby and one other time when my nightmares were worse than usual. Both of these times I left him a message and he called me back within 6 hours. (he gave me his cell number about one month into counseling, told me to call anytime, day or night).

Well, this past week I have needed to talk to him, I wanted to get in to see him possibly. I called and left a message for him on Friday, Monday, Wednesday and today (Thursday). He finally called me back tonight. Said he had indeed received my other messages but time "got away from him" and that's why he hadn't called. I was so upset I couldn't even really talk to him. I'm still upset.

Should I be upset? I'm new to counseling, new to PTSD and depression. But I really needed to talk to him and he didn't call me back for SIX DAYS from my first message. He wasn't sick, wasn't on vacation...nothing like that.

I have an appointment next week and I think I need to cancel it. I can't imagine sitting across from him for an hour. What will I say? I can't trust him now, I feel like I'm just a "fee" to him. I don't feel like I matter.

Is this just my stupid sickness talking? Should I feel this hurt? Any advice will be greatly appreciated.

Thanks.

dianegirl

 
Sponsors Lightbulb
   
Old 03-16-2007, 02:03 AM   #2
Inactive
(female)
 
Join Date: Aug 2005
Posts: 1,914
stick2013 HB User
Re: My first question on this board...need advice please...

Hi Diane,

Welcome to the board.

PTSD is what I refer to as the BEAST.... As you know it can rear it's ugly head anytime it feels. One of the things that I do know about most of us that have PTSD is we lack certain skills, and our emotions tend to overcome the logical side of things. Coping skills is one area that most of us fail at. As I am not sure what has triggered your PTSD I am only assuming things....So don't be offended at anything I say. Others may have another take on things.

It may be that your therapist is trying to set boundaries with you, or it may be that he was hoping that given time that you would come up with an answer on your own. It also could be that time really did get away from him...The only way that you will know for sure......Is to sit across from him and tell him how you felt, and still do feel. This is what we call HEALTHY BEHAVIOR!!!! It's discussing things in an adult manner.

You said that he has been kind to you and helpful. If you have a good relationship with him, and he is helping.....Talk to him about this first.....

Sid

 
Old 03-16-2007, 03:29 AM   #3
Veteran
(female)
 
Join Date: Feb 2007
Location: Pennsylvania
Posts: 351
orchardlady HB User
Re: My first question on this board...need advice please...

Diane...Welcome

Sid is right about boundaries between you and your therapist, and about telling him how you felt when he didn't call back for several days. I know it sounds scary to do this, but it is important. His job is to help you learn to cope with the effects of PTSD, and any other related condition (such as, I have OCD and SI, in combination with my PTSD)

You are fortunate that he even gave you his cell phone number. Many therapist wouldn't have done that, but would have preferred to have you call the after hours service, which then contacts him.

Possibly you can ask him for weekly visits. So, definitely ask him "why did it take you four days to call me back."

Again welcome to the board. If you feel like sharing anything about yourself and you PTSD, please do so. You will find this board to be a very caring, empathic place. We all care about one another in here.

I have only been a member of this board for a very short time, but I know that this board in combination with my own therapy has been a tremendous help to me.

 
Old 03-17-2007, 02:57 AM   #4
ICC ICC is offline
Inactive
(female)
 
Join Date: Jul 2006
Posts: 3,265
ICC HB UserICC HB UserICC HB User
Re: My first question on this board...need advice please...

Hi Diane and wlecome. I agree with the rest of the group. Sometimes therapists like to see where you are in therapy and if you can make it through an issue on your own. You couldn't . you and your therapist know that now. I would have to sit face to face and ask him if this is what he was looking for and how you felt. Some will call you back and some don't. Please try not to lose your trust just yet. If he is trying to set boundaries you need to know this. Talk to him about it so you know where you stand. I think had you called a second time and siad you were really anxious over this and NEEDED to talk he may have called sooner. Just my opinion. Keep your therapy going. Sid is right. Coping skills we all have a terrible problem with and it sets the ugly beast off. Stick around.


ICC

 
Old 03-17-2007, 08:31 AM   #5
Inactive
(male)
 
Join Date: Dec 2006
Location: Ventura Co. CA, USA
Posts: 147
zencat HB User
Re: My first question on this board...need advice please...

Hi Diane, I am pleased to meet you.

When a person says one thing and dose another, I have a very specify name for it. The most important function of therapy is trust.

He said: “time got away from him”. What kind of excuse is that? I have been therapy for a long time and I know many other people in therapy, and this is a first for me.

“It may be that your therapist is trying to set boundaries with you, or it may be that he was hoping that given time that you would come up with an answer on your own.” ~Sid.

Sid!?!? I don’t know what to say. Therapy is a partnership, together the therapist and client work to find answers. The therapist can offer suggestions, direction, support and compassion or they can add to the initial problem by being vague, misleading, confusing and remote. As for borders, healthy border’s start with communication. If the therapist was unavailable then he can say so, and not leave the client guessing as to what in the world is going on! I would be confused that’s for sure.

Maybe the therapist is testing your confrontation skills! Yes, do go to your next appointment by all means. In a calm, non-accusatory tone tell that guy you were disappointed, confused, and yes, a bit angry at him. That is healthy coping. By expressing your feelings, you are setting up some boundaries with him. Now he know that you will not allow him to treat you this way again.

That’s my take on it I could be wrong but I would be concerned.
Blessed be
Zencat

 
Old 03-17-2007, 09:03 AM   #6
Inactive
(female)
 
Join Date: Aug 2005
Posts: 1,914
stick2013 HB User
Re: My first question on this board...need advice please...

Dear Zencat,

I understand and appreciate your opinion. Therapy is a partnership, I agree....... Therapist are humans too, and I feel that with any therapist and patient partnership that there may be certain times that a therapist feels that their client may be getting a tad too needy, and by not returning a call he is setting boundaries, and letting the client handle things on their own for the time being, if it isn't a life threatening situation. No......... not the most effective, or professional way to handle things, but there are therapist that do this. They are people too, with lives also. They have families, and a life. I just feel that we also have to really take a look at WHY we call them.... First see if we can handle things ourselves. If the situation is totally out of control, or if abuse, or life threatening....YES pick up the phone and call......

I really do think that "Time may have gotten away from him" and that giving him another try is worth it. But that Diane needs to BRING this issue to the table first thing.....Give him a second chance......Talk about the rules of the therapy sessions, the ground rules for making calls, the ground rules on the work to be done outside therapy, ect. This will be a contract.... I had one with my therapist, and we worked worked well within the boundaries that we both set........

Hugs,

Sid

 
Old 03-17-2007, 09:07 AM   #7
ICC ICC is offline
Inactive
(female)
 
Join Date: Jul 2006
Posts: 3,265
ICC HB UserICC HB UserICC HB User
Re: My first question on this board...need advice please...

Zen --- You know I agree that IF this therapist is trustworthy that he might be scoping out Diane's boundaries and coping skills. I'm not fond of the way he did it though. Had my own scene recently with the therapist of a few years. Will deal with her one on one next week. I haven't forgotten the last session and will make sure we are on the same page from here on out.

Diane---- I do think this is something you have to confront to continue with an open mind in therapy. Get his turn on why he basically ignored your call. Do you think if you had called back with an SOS message he would have answered sooner?



Grasshopper

 
Old 03-17-2007, 06:14 PM   #8
Inactive
(male)
 
Join Date: Dec 2006
Location: Ventura Co. CA, USA
Posts: 147
zencat HB User
Lightbulb a little side discussion

Iím sure Iím not getting the whole story with Diane and her therapist. You bet, therapist come into circumstances that are beyond their control and people make mistakes. And from the limited info, I made a judgment call. I may have been reading more into it than there was to see. I do that from time to time. As a person who has been in distress, I become sensitive and over react. That may be a factor too.

Therapy for me is bringing things to the light and handling situations with out prior instruction sounds like working in the dark to me. Something seem missing though.

I totally agree, Sid, Grasshopper, go to the next session, set the boundaries, explore options and get instructions for the next time that happens. Lay it all out on the table and come to a mutual agreement. No more wandering in the dark, with hide (from the client) and seek (your own solutions) therapy techniques.


Hi guys
Zencat

 
Old 03-18-2007, 02:40 AM   #9
ICC ICC is offline
Inactive
(female)
 
Join Date: Jul 2006
Posts: 3,265
ICC HB UserICC HB UserICC HB User
Re: My first question on this board...need advice please...

Hi Zencat ----- I agree totally. I don't think you are missing anymore than any of us. It needs to be dealt with to go on in a trusting therapy situation. I also , which is why I am not fond of the way he handled it, do not believe in the hide and seek method. We go into therapy for a reason adn that reason is we cannot see things clearly. One of our issues is trust. When a therapist breaks that rust it 100 times harder for us to go on. Immediately we will think we are being abandoned, rejected, etc. Needs to be ground rules. Not you can count on me anytime and then BOOM!!!

Be well my friend,
Grasshopper

 
Old 03-18-2007, 07:46 PM   #10
Junior Member
(female)
 
Join Date: Feb 2007
Location: USA
Posts: 25
dianegirl HB User
Re: My first question on this board...need advice please...

Thanks for all of the replies, I read each one, but to be honest with you all, I am feeling overwhelmed by all of the opinions. I'm sorry that I can't respond to everyone individually, but please know that I did read everyone's response. I'll post my background info here for you all...not sure if it will help? This is from a previous post of mine on this board:

I'm new to this board, new to this condition. I'm 43 years old and just recently started therapy. I suffer from severe depression that just wasn't responding to standard anti-depressants, so my doc sent me to a shrink, the shrink had my take the MMPI-II and voila! I have PTSD and severe depression. Yay!

Anyway, I'm on meds that seem to be helping with the depression a bit... and I'm in therapy with a wonderful Christian counselor...actually I was really against therapy, but the shrink and the doc tell me that I need it to recover.

I never in my wildest dreams thought I had PTSD. I had an abusive childhood and also was sexually abused by a close relative as a teen. As an adult I was in a 10 year marriage to a man who beat me. I was raped after my divorce by a man I thought was my friend.

I guess all of this adds up to PTSD, although I still don't much about it. I'm learning I guess.


Well I see my counselor tomorrow, so I will post back on what we talked about regarding the non-returned phone call. He is a good man and has been very kind to me, so I'm going to do my best to be honest with him and tell him how hurt I am. I know it is probably wrong of me to be "hurt", but I am. I trusted him to be there for me, and now I feel like he is not there for me. I'm sure somehow I'm wrong here, or putting too much importance on him, or something...but I'm new to all of this, so all I can do is be honest with him and pray that he is helpful tomorrow...he always has been helpful in the past.

Thanks again everyone.

diane

 
Old 03-19-2007, 02:08 AM   #11
Inactive
(female)
 
Join Date: Aug 2005
Posts: 1,914
stick2013 HB User
Re: My first question on this board...need advice please...

Diane,

Hopefully you and your therapist will make some ground rules today that you both can agree on, and live by. I hope for the best for you....

Sid

 
Old 03-19-2007, 05:06 AM   #12
ICC ICC is offline
Inactive
(female)
 
Join Date: Jul 2006
Posts: 3,265
ICC HB UserICC HB UserICC HB User
Re: My first question on this board...need advice please...

Diane ---- I am also wishing you the best and strength to find the words to open the door with your therapist. I was there 3 weeks ago, took some time off from her and will see her wed to discuss my last session which was totally out of line.

Prayers,
Grasshopper

 
Old 03-19-2007, 07:30 PM   #13
Junior Member
(female)
 
Join Date: Feb 2007
Location: USA
Posts: 25
dianegirl HB User
Re: My first question on this board...need advice please...

Hi again...

Ok, I had my appointment with my counselor today. When he asked how I was I told him not good...I then explained that I was upset with him and told him why. He apologized profusely and explained that his cell phone was pooping out on him last week. He got a number of messages that he couldn't understand because they were just beeps and gibberish. He assumes it was a problem with his cell phone. That made me feel so much better...I then asked him if it was OK for me to call him, and he assured me that it was. He also told me that if at any time he thought I was calling him too much he would NEVER just not return my calls, he would tell me ahead of time that I was calling him too much. He said that trust is a huge part of our relationship and he wants me to know that I can trust him, that when I need to talk to him, he will be available to me. (unless he's on vacation or whatever, but he said he would let me know that ahead of time). So he told me that if I leave him a message in the future and he doesn't call me back within the same day (like that evening) that I should call his office the next day, and they can get ahold of him at home.

Anyway, I'm feeling much better about things now...I'm glad that I didn't just bail on him which was my first reaction. He also told me that he would never set new "boundries" with me without discussing it with me first.

So thank you all for your calm, reasoned responses to me. Your advice was right on the money.

Love, diane

 
Old 03-20-2007, 02:03 AM   #14
Inactive
(female)
 
Join Date: Aug 2005
Posts: 1,914
stick2013 HB User
Re: My first question on this board...need advice please...

Diane,

One of the biggest things that you can do to help yourself....STOP, LISTEN, and LEARN....You did just fine. Keep up the good work. I am glad that things went well...

Sid

 
Old 03-20-2007, 03:28 AM   #15
ICC ICC is offline
Inactive
(female)
 
Join Date: Jul 2006
Posts: 3,265
ICC HB UserICC HB UserICC HB User
Re: My first question on this board...need advice please...

Dear Diane --- I am so glad you had a positive response from your therapist. Trust is so very important in all relationships. He sounds like a keeper. He understand that as a therapist if he makes his client feel abandonded can do alot of harm and send them running. You saw that and took the "bull by the horns" and came out of it with clarity and a stronger person for being able to confront the issue. God bless. Wishing you all the best of success in therapy and with your life.

Peace,
Grasshopper

Last edited by ICC; 03-20-2007 at 03:54 AM. Reason: as usual ----spelling!

 
Closed Thread

Similar Threads
Thread Thread Starter Board Replies Last Post
Need Help PLEASE!! ASAP!! Hyoeractive Throid first time blood results JennFL Thyroid Disorders 1 10-03-2008 07:39 PM
Advice please - first appointment NicolaJMP TMJ Disorder -TemporoMandibular Joint 10 09-30-2008 03:57 AM
I need some advice, first time. Danielle05 Sexual Health - General 6 08-23-2007 03:47 PM
I Didn't Know There Was A Disability Board, I Need Help, Please salty Disabilities 12 06-29-2006 09:07 AM
If you think you need your wisdom teeth extracted, Read This First!!!! jay123 Dental Health 23 11-09-2005 03:12 PM




Thread Tools

Posting Rules
You may not post new threads
You may not post replies
You may not post attachments
You may not edit your posts

BB code is On
Smilies are On
[IMG] code is Off
HTML code is Off
Trackbacks are Off
Pingbacks are Off
Refbacks are Off




Join Our Newsletter

Stay healthy through tips curated by our health experts.

Whoops,

There was a problem adding your email Try again

Thank You

Your email has been added








TOP THANKED CONTRIBUTORS



Phoenix (21), jennybyc (8), isitme (5), ladybud (4), afriendindeed (3), Arianna2 (3), Stupid feet (3), writeleft (2), Searchin (2), elle1bee2 (2)

Site Wide Totals

teteri66 (1180), MSJayhawk (1006), Apollo123 (906), Titchou (852), janewhite1 (823), Gabriel (759), ladybud (755), midwest1 (669), sammy64 (668), BlueSkies14 (607)



All times are GMT -7. The time now is 02:43 PM.



Site owned and operated by HealthBoards.comô
Terms of Use © 1998-2014 HealthBoards.comô All rights reserved.
Do not copy or redistribute in any form!