I don't know what to think??? - Post-Traumatic Stress Disorder (PTSD) Message Board

corina64 · 06-03-2007, 09:09 PM

My husband is back in everyway... Still not living at home because I am not comfortable with that yet. I just don't know what to think?? He is really nice and trying to work on the marriage and after 4 months of living he## how did he make this change over night??? We went to the VA after court on Thursday and the social worker there said that he was really lucky to have me... I thought that he would hate me for taking on his family and letting his mom know in court that the family and her are the problem not me. I guess the grass wasn't greener on the other side. He totally changed our lives because of the PTSD and more than PTSD the drinking. His family backed it up and now he wants to come home??? I am a little confussed??? Did he have his DUH moment?? I just thought I would ask for everyone's input on what to think, I am at a loss..... I am not saying it isn't great to have him back but I am very unsure if I should trust him again or give him my whole heart again.... Anyway, I hope everyone is doing well

Have great day everyone

trg247 · 06-03-2007, 09:38 PM

I don't know what to tell you. Its good that he is making a positive effort and trying to rebuild the damage he caused but part of me is wondering about the motive behind it. You standing up in court and being dominant was a very good thing and maybe it gave him the courage to leave his family or it could have opened his eyes and he sees the situation he is in. PTSD does not go away over night and in my opinion never goes away but even through my darkness periods moments of sanity would appear. I hope for your sake and his, he is truly wanting to do what ever is neccasary to build a healthy relationship

take care
trg247

corina64 · 06-04-2007, 12:04 AM

Here I lay awake wondering do I really want him back??? I have been put through so much by my husband and I don't think I want to go back... I know that sounds horrible, but I don't think he is sincere... I don't want to be dropped of and picked up when ever he feels like it. That is not a relationship. I know that he has problems but he is still responsible for his actions. I know that he needs money to get his drivers license back and I am wondering if that is why he is so nice to me???? I just don't want to walk through fire and broken glass anymore

I just want to be loved for me and not under anyone's terms and conditions. I find myself thinking what would life be like with someone that really loves me??? I have fought so hard to save this marriage and in the end I think I need to walk for my daughter's sake and my own. I don't want my daughter growing up in disfunction anymore.... I think all in all his family can have him and I hope that they are all happy together. I am sick of being second best... I just want to be loved again....

ICC · 06-04-2007, 04:07 AM

Dear Corina.......I hear your concerns loud and clear. I was married to a Nam Vet with PTSD who was also an alcoholic for 22 years. I did everything I thought was right. Stood by him through thick and thin, educated myself in the disease, broke my co-dependency so I could help myself and stop feeding into his addiction. I loved him for many years. I divorced him 15 years ago and have never looked back. When I left I had no regrets because each and every time he said he was sincere about help it only lasted a short time. 15 years later he is still the same. That doesn't mean your situation is the same so please don't think I am advising you to leave him. that is your choice and only yours. I just wanted to give you validation of your feelings. It's not odd to mistrust after living with someone like this and suffering as you have. For now try taking one day at a time until you are sure things will work out. Until you are sure he is sincere and doesn't have a hidden agenda. My prayers are with you for strength, clarity of mind and peace.

ICC

stick2013 · 06-04-2007, 05:15 AM

I haven't answered any of you post. I have been going through some tough times, and have been trying to deal with my own crap. I have read your post, and I can hear the disappointment, fear, anger, frustration, and worry in your voice.

PTSD isn't easy to deal with(even for those of us that have it) It has screwed up our way of thinking, and altered our lives to a point that at times we hate our selves. Some will use whatever method we can to self medicate, to stop the crap that floats in our heads on a daily basis. These aren't excuses, just facts. ALL off us must be responsible for our actions.

My first thoughts when I read your post today was this....What happened to make your husband do a 360????? Why all of a sudden does he want to come home and be a husband and a father.

My second thought was this......YOU are having one of those GUT FEELING times....FOLLOW it, LISTEN to your gut... If you are questioning his motivations, then your feelings are RIGHT!!!!!!

I personally don't think that you can work this out unless your husband goes into therapy to work on his issues. My opinion.......I wouldn't let him back in until he had been in therapy for a period of time, and was showing marked improvement.

Just think about things, and PLEASE..... Make the decision that is good for you and your child. NOT based on emotions......

Sid