The going gets tough - Post-Traumatic Stress Disorder (PTSD) Message Board

Phoenix · 06-06-2007, 09:40 AM

Dear all:

I planned on posting a new thread entitled "New Beginnings" but for many reasons, I am not prepared for that title as yet.

I just received information that the liars(-----------insurance company) have responded to the lawsuit complaint.

My father's fiancee wants me to write a poem for their wedding in October(I pray that it can be done).

The thing with me is, whenever I begin to concentrate for a specific amount of time, my headaches worsen and I get this extreme anxiety.

Right now I am so lethargic that I don't even have enough energy to shed a tear.

This makes it difficult for me to even do the day to day chores.

Ireally want to be more productive but it appears that I am not ready; this alone tears at my heart a great deal.

To envision what could have possibly been accomplished with the reality of things is a bit disconcerning.

I despise my existence, for I truly feel as if I am merely existing.

I am simply a human being, when I want to be a human doing.

I always put on the "mask of normalcy" for everyone.

I am tired of putting on airs.

Now I probably have to look forward to a deposition and trial.

Although I am quick to anger, it seems that my meds(antidepressants) are mildly effective.

I still have trouble sleeping though.

One of these days, things will be different but today is not that day.

Wish I could tell you that I was in a better mood but even the thought of two more surgeries are enough to deal with.

Take care
God Bless
FTM

ICC · 06-06-2007, 12:35 PM

Dear FTM..........Master, the Grasshopper is going to tread lightly as I know where you are. Legal battles on top of health issues and chronic pain are overwelming to the strongest. That being said You know my prayers and thoughts for a positive future are with you always and will continue to be. Post when you feel up to it. Are you in therapy? I sort of remember you saying it wasn't working. Of course with the neck pain you have any sort of deep thought and being in the same position will bring on intense cervical headaches. What AD are you taking? Are you taking the klonopin also? When you are ready for the depos I am hear for you. I know how traumatic they can be. Just the anticipation is enough to make you totally stressed out. Try to stay in touch, answer when you can but please, please my friend if you need to vent, yell, scream/need support, comfort, love a shoulder to cry on please come here. Though my shoulder hurts you can still lay your head on it.

Love and Peace,
Grasshopper

sammy68uk · 06-06-2007, 01:29 PM

FTM,

You're in my thoughts. Thats a mountain for anyone to climb, even without PTSD... I hope you find the strength you need...

Mark.

stick2013 · 06-06-2007, 03:15 PM

FTM,

Much better title...LOL!!!!!!!!! ........................................ .heheheheh

Ok on the serious side of things.... Come on, get out of that hole that you are in, and begin to live again. Dig deep, find the strength, and you can do this. I am rooting for you..

Hugs,

Sid

Sannah · 06-06-2007, 03:36 PM

FTM, your anxiety with your headache caught my eye. I want to share a story, I am not sure if you read it when I explained it to Dee-nah. You know those LDA allergy shots that I have been getting. Well, as the shot gets rid of your worst allergies it gives space for your other allergies to react (your immune system can only react to so many allergens). I started to react to allergens that I tested positive to but never reacted to before and I guess because my immune system got some relief from the allergens that I was reacting to before, I was able to react stronger to these new allergens. Anyway, some of my allergies have gotten worse while others have gotten better and this brought new symptoms that I have never dealt with before. I started to get short of breath. In hindsight I have realized that about 75% of my shortness of breath was due to anxiety over my health (I even went to the ER!). I have since learned which new foods to avoid and how to deal with new pollen allergies so I am back to normal but I guess the message of this long story is that anxiety over our health can take off and become much more than what we had to start with. Once I realized that my mind was causing this anxiety I was able to reverse it. Don't know if this applies to you or not.