Hello, I am sorry that I have not written in a long time a lot has been happening and I haven't had time My husband has returned home and it is not going well at all. The no contact order has been lifted because he said all of the right things to come home and now he is acting up again. He is on anti-depressants and was drinking tonight. I said something on the phone that he shouldn't have taken the wrong way and he blew up
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. I am so hurt I don't know what to do??? He said that he wouldn't drink a lot when he came home and now..... He is getting bad again.. It is Not only the PTSD it is a whole lot of other things... What do I do?? He is suppose to be coming home and tomorrow and I don't know what to do??? He is fine when he doesn't drink, but he told me tonight that if I wasn't okay with his drinking our marriage is over.... I won't be okay with his drinking after what happened and I think that him being on the anti-depressant and drinking is making everything worse.... What am I going to do??? I e-mailed the combat stress person. It is 1:30 am and I don't want to waste my life on this... I was starting to get my life back together and he did this again and I feel like I am on a roller coster that is out of control.. I love my husband very much, but I don't know how much I can take??? Thank you everyone and I don't care how busy I am going to keep in touch... I need boards and everyone is so helpful.... Any advice would be great.. Thank you everyone
Last edited by Administrator; 07-04-2007 at 08:10 PM.
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Hi corina.....nice to see you but not under these circumstances. I can't tell you what to do I can only tell you what I did. My first husband was an alcoholic with PTSD. A Viet Nam Vet. He never sought help for any of it so I did. First I dealt with and educated myself on alcoholism and MY co-dependency.Statements like " I'm going to drink and if you don't like it our marriage is over" I heard many times in the 22 years we were married. He was right. He kept drinking, turning the house and our family upside down and YES our marriage was over. I was the one who finally left. 15+ years later he is still an alcoholic and happy with it. I am re-married and have a good life free of violence and abuse. Your husband is using a form of manipulation on you. The fact that you love him makes it soooooo much harder. His issues are not yours. His will stop you from dealing with yours. When you have 2 people, and neither is funcioning in a healthy manner it is a no win situation. I'm sorry I can't help you BUT am here to support you in whatever you do.
Thank you Grasshopper, I really need as much support as I can get right now! I do have a question and anyone can answer.... Did you ever think about another man when you had problems with your spouse??? I should be so glad that my husband is home, but when he does this stuff I crave positive male attention and I am not sure why??? I have a friend in the Marines and he wrote me a letter and he supports me 100%, he is single and when he left so was I... I had put my husband out of my mind and heart because he said that he didn't want anything to do with me... So, basically, I moved on... Now I feel like I am taking twenty steps the other direction and I am not happy because I feel so tortured by my husbands problems because he takes it out on me. All the time!! I know I still love him, but it is not as strong. I find myself thinking about my friend a lot. The last time that I saw him we were both single, I was married but my husband did not live at home or want anything to do with me or our daughter so I thought it was safe to explore my options and see if I wanted to be with him. My friend was always there for me emotionally and supported me when my husband was suppose to, so now I am torn. There is no relationship with my friend besides friendship, but in the back of my mind I wonder what it would be like to be with a man that really wanted me and I was not enemy #1.... I know this sound horrible and I feel like a bad wife for having these thoughts but they are always there. I got a letter from my friend yesterday and even though he is busy being a Marine he takes time for me and I am not used to that and it feels so good to be remebered and loved for me..... I know my husband is going through a lot and I have done everything that I can do, but he has done nothing. He said all the right things to come home and he is not doing anything that he said he would or wouldn't... Basically, the drinking, he told me that it would not happen only on occasion and then it went to once a week now twice a week. He told me that if I had a problem with it then our marriage was over... Over alcohol?? That made me feel really good.. Now, I think that is why these thoughts are poping up about my friend. I know that it is not the right time to be in a relationship, but I am just craving some positive attention.. Anyway, thank you all for your support, you all are the best
Corina
I'll own up to thinking of other men when times were rough (- 100% of my married life)! Serioulsy, marriage is a two way street. Don't feel too guilty for having feelings/thoughts of someone else. My love died long before the marriage ended. I wish I had had the courage to have got out earlier now. Sorry you're having such a hard time of it. Everyone is only responsible for their own actions, not the actions of others.
Corina, Yes i had thoughts of other men many times through my married life. I met my husband in '68, marrie dhim in '72, moved out of our home in '92, divorce was finalized in '94. Long time to be alone with a man whose alcohol addiction took front seat over his wife and children. Towards the end I supported all of us. He made a few $ for his booze. I only made enough at the time to support us in the house since the bills were very low. My main reason for not moving out sooner. My turnin gpoint was when He was in a horrible car accient, he was driving drunk. One the his friends died, the other has permanent disalibilities to both legs. I stood by him. 3 months later he drove drunk again. I knew that day I would leave as soon as I could. it took me 14 years. Through that time I craved male company and sought it but only on a friendship level. For lack of time ( 3 kids and working full time) , I guess my morals jumped in, BUT mainly he was so violent attimes and always threatened to kill me if I stayed I never pursued anything. I would #1 keep your penpal but try to keep it at that. never leave one man for another. You need time to be alone in the meantime to bcome your own person without a man. 2) I feel you need some one on one counseling in co-dependency to break this cycle for yourself. Love him? Yes I could tell you I still have some lovein my heart for my first husband. Not the kind I have for mmy husband now. But all the sa,e heis the father of my kids and was a sick man when I met him. I do hold him accountable for his abuse and allactions that tore our family apart. Best advise I can give you is to seek help for yourself. Sometimes when they see a cahnge in us they change . Other times as in my case I gained the strength and know how to et out of a really bad life and find a better one for me. Best of luck Corina, bit JMO, it's time you stopped living your life around what HE says and does and take care of you and your needs.
My husband has returned home and it is not going well at all. The no contact order has been lifted because he said all of the right things to come home and now he is acting up again. He is on anti-depressants and was drinking tonight. I said something on the phone that he shouldn't have taken the wrong way and he blew up 
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