Need some more advice - Post-Traumatic Stress Disorder (PTSD) Message Board

corina64 · 07-13-2007, 12:36 AM

I am laying here and it is 1am and I can't sleep, flashbacks are starting to hit pretty hard again since the last incident with my husbands drinking and verbal abuse. We watched the movie Walk the Line the story about Johnny Cash and that movie triggered something in me that I can't get over. It was like watching my life for the last year. There was a scene were Johnny abused his wife and that triggered the memories of my husband abusing me. I am just going through a rough patch. I have an interview tomorrow for a job, but I am scared to leave my daughter.... It is really eating at me, I really love her and I am scared that something will happen to her. I talked with my husbands military social worker and they sad that I am an enabler. I was taught to let him go and do whatever and now the military says that I need to be giving him punishments for his actions like a mother.... I just want him to leave. I think that I will be more than fine if I get this job. I was starting to become happy without him and now he came screaming back into my life and I am miserable!!!!!!!!!!! I used to think he was the best looking man in the world when I looked at him.... Now, I can't stand to even look at him and I think that he is ugly.. All he is, is a debt maker and ripples the waters. There was no fighting of any kind until he came home and I could sleep when he wasn't here.... I think it is time to get a divorce, but everyone who is going to bat for him, military wise keeps telling me he will see the light and just hang in there, my husband will appear again.. I just think there is so much damage that it isn't salvagable.... I am almost out of hope. I just missed being loved and cared for so much. I don't like having PTSD either, but this is easier than dealing with my husband's medicating his PTSD with alcohol. I just take care of my daughter to relieve symptoms, right now I am working on giving her a birthday party. He drinks, and I am so angry with him.

My symptoms are worse, yet, I am able to cope the healthy way.... I just don't get it??????????? Sorry, for the rambling my head is going 100mph... Thank you everyone

Corina

ICC · 07-13-2007, 04:43 AM

Hi Corina.......I am off to an appt. so don't have more than aminute but didn't want to let this go. An enabler IS a punisher/ mother. Same as a co-dependent. That's why I always bring it up. When you stop enabling you are not taking responsibility for your husband or anyone else's actions or issues. Enabling helps them to keep doing what they do. The military is not asking you to punish or mother him,they're asking you to stop. I'll check in when I get back.

ICC

dustoffkid · 07-13-2007, 06:00 AM

Oh, Corina,

I wish I could come over and sit and talk with you- give you a hug, go for a walk, whatever.

Living with the military is difficult enough without having to deal with all of this crap. I do have to second ICC's comment, though- it's time to deal with and take responsibility for your actions and concerns. His are his.

As for the divorce issue, I don't know enough about your situation to advise you. But it's not up to others (military or otherwise) to decide what's best for you and your child. They don't have to live with this guy. If you can't find an unbiased opinion from Behavioral Health, Social Services or the Chaplain's office where you live, perhaps it's time to check in to some non-military resources. Is there a community counseling center somewhere there in the civilian sector? A priest or pastor? Someone needs to start listening to your concerns.

I hope your days get better, and I hope we can help.

Hugs,
Dustoff

isitme · 07-14-2007, 04:11 PM

The choice is entirely YOURS to make. Do whatever is right for you. It is fine for others to say - 'hang on in there'. They are not living what you are. How old is your daughter. I'm wondering if you are worried leaving her with your husband? Hope things are a little better today.

Phoenix · 07-15-2007, 08:57 AM

Corina:

How did the job interview go?

I hope that you are in better spirits today.

Ryan