How do I let go/forgive my abuser? - Post-Traumatic Stress Disorder (PTSD) Message Board

stasi · 07-16-2007, 08:07 PM

I'm new to posting in forums. To give you a little bit of my history. I was in an abusive marriage for 4 yrs. I left 5 times, then left for good. I've been abuse free for about 3 yrs (in aug).I absolutely hate my abuser (x husband) for what he did not only to me but to my children. I feel guilty for allowing my children to be exposed to that type of behavior. I just don't know how to let go of the guilt. I don't speak to my x hubby-which I think helps alot. But its like I'm still torn in half. Bc part of me loves him and the other half hates him with the same passion. I am dealing with the PTSD fairly good. I deal with emotions when they come around because if I hold them in I feel like I turn into a monster.
Another thing that I find weird is my mind is always going in 1K different directions. I have no clue why. I don't think it's really ADD or anything like that. But I could write down alot of random thoughts. I feel like I'm very indecisive most of the time.
I have found outlets but finding time to outlet is the problem. I'm a single parent of two boys, work full time and go to school full time. I have a very busy schedule.
I guess that its for now. Thank you for listening.

Lost-in-Time · 07-17-2007, 01:17 AM

Welcome.....My mind usually goes 90 miles a minute, too, so I understand...I don't know why....

Good luck..there are a lot of good people here...I don't have wisdom for you, but wanted to welcome you here.....

Phoenix · 07-17-2007, 08:10 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by stasi

I'm new to posting in forums. To give you a little bit of my history. I was in an abusive marriage for 4 yrs. I left 5 times, then left for good. I've been abuse free for about 3 yrs (in aug).I absolutely hate my abuser (x husband) for what he did not only to me but to my children. I feel guilty for allowing my children to be exposed to that type of behavior. I just don't know how to let go of the guilt. I don't speak to my x hubby-which I think helps alot. But its like I'm still torn in half. Bc part of me loves him and the other half hates him with the same passion. I am dealing with the PTSD fairly good. I deal with emotions when they come around because if I hold them in I feel like I turn into a monster.
Another thing that I find weird is my mind is always going in 1K different directions. I have no clue why. I don't think it's really ADD or anything like that. But I could write down alot of random thoughts. I feel like I'm very indecisive most of the time.
I have found outlets but finding time to outlet is the problem. I'm a single parent of two boys, work full time and go to school full time. I have a very busy schedule.
I guess that its for now. Thank you for listening.

Dear stasi:

I want to welcome you to the boards.

If you need an ear to listen or added support, know that we are all here.

You lead a very busy lifestyle; I hope that you take a little time out for yourself.

Post when you can and if you feel up to it.

Take care.

Ryan

Have you tried forgiving yourself ?

It seems that you are placing a massive amount of guilt on yourself.

There is merit to the saying "there's a thin line between love and hate."

Love the man, hate his actions.

Hindsight is 20/20.

You see, the important thing is that you are getting on with your life.

You gained the strength to leave; please place that into perspective.

emily43 · 07-17-2007, 08:22 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by stasi

I'm new to posting in forums. To give you a little bit of my history. I was in an abusive marriage for 4 yrs. I left 5 times, then left for good. I've been abuse free for about 3 yrs (in aug).I absolutely hate my abuser (x husband) for what he did not only to me but to my children. I feel guilty for allowing my children to be exposed to that type of behavior. I just don't know how to let go of the guilt. I don't speak to my x hubby-which I think helps alot. But its like I'm still torn in half. Bc part of me loves him and the other half hates him with the same passion. I am dealing with the PTSD fairly good. I deal with emotions when they come around because if I hold them in I feel like I turn into a monster.
Another thing that I find weird is my mind is always going in 1K different directions. I have no clue why. I don't think it's really ADD or anything like that. But I could write down alot of random thoughts. I feel like I'm very indecisive most of the time.
I have found outlets but finding time to outlet is the problem. I'm a single parent of two boys, work full time and go to school full time. I have a very busy schedule.
I guess that its for now. Thank you for listening.

Staci,

welcome!! I'm new here too, and I have to say these people are wonderful!!! I also had never tried a forum. I myself was in a 16 yr abusive marriage, left 30 times, family couldn't put me up, went back , finally left for good, I have 4 boys, and totally understand the guilt. Had ptsd for 6 yrs in the marriage, and didn't know it. Now, I've been out 7 yrs, still have ptsd, but after 1yr of counceling, 7 yrs of meds, am managing the ptsd much better,Dr. said I was only bandaging it ,and helping the kids, so I finally got counceling. The random thoughts& racing mind, seem to be classic symptoms. I've since remarried(to a wonderful guy) Hate my ex, and he still tries to scare me, (he just took me back to court last week to reduce his child support)& glared at me the whole time. What a creep HUH?! Personally, I will never be able to forgive him, I wish you better luck with that than I have had. Anyway, didn't mean to go on about my Stuff! WELCOME!!! Hopefully we can all help eachother, I know it helps just knowing someone else has gone thru what I've been thru.
Hugs,
Emily

galinaqt · 07-17-2007, 08:34 AM

Some of the tools are writing letter to abuser and burn it. Do it as many times as necessary. You can also use self-help tapes like anger release. May be good therapist will help (only good) if you have time and money. I had lot of abusers in my life. I had very difficult relationship with my family especially with my mother. She is a big trigger, but I can't cut her from my life. I don't believe on can forgive, it may only hurts less with time.