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Old 08-25-2007, 07:42 AM   #46
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Re: Problems, and then some more problems!

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Ryan , Your medical knowledge always amazes me. I didn't realize that so many things could/would cause lung damage. There are some prayers coming your way that you don't have one more thing to deal with. AND even you you need the cane I am praying for success with the stimulator to take your pain away. I don't think either of us will ever have a full working body anymore. I guess we need to settle for pain-free and most parts working??? Sad but true. The best we can be. Mind and body. Will be thinking about you. Take the time you need to recuperate fully.

Grasshopper
Grasshopper:

Whatever I don't know, I research the heck out of.

The second set came back normal but there was a different technician interpreting the films.

Nevertheless, I set up an appointment to see the doc on Tuesday to discuss this.

The antibiotics that I am taking could have cleared up the "situation" in my lung(who knows at this point).

Sadly, you are correct Grasshopper; ourv bodies will never be the same but we can hope for the best.

Funny thing; the stimulator is flowing current in the exact location I have the weakness.

Am in pain from the surgery but the meds are helping(Tylenol #3 is laughable but the Percocet seems to do the job;only if I take 2 at a time).

I'm praying for both you and your husband.

Daggone cervical is bothering the heck out of me also; hoped to have posted more.

We will talk soon.

Blessings,

Ryan

 
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Old 08-25-2007, 04:24 PM   #47
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Re: Problems, and then some more problems!

Hi Ryan,

It's so nice to hear from you. Sounds very promising that all is going to the weak leg. Glad all is well with the lung. Should be interesting what the Dr. says. My shoulder surgeon told me that half of what was wrong with my shoulder didn't show up in the MRI and he never did it with contrast because in his experience alot of tests don't come out accurately and alot has to do with who is reading them. Ah the neck When there's a problem in that area it appears that no matter what you do it afffects it and amkes it act up. Hopefully most of what you're feeling is post-op. Having a bad neck to begin with and then being moved around for the surgery is enought to set it off.

Ryan...tomorrow is the 10th anniversary of my daughter's death. It has affected my youngest pretty badly and I am so glad she admitted to it. She has held all back for a long time. I think she stopped living when her sister died. It's like her life between 18 and 28 hasn't changed at all. She seem sto be making headway. ALl are talking to each other and getting along in the family which is nice. My oldest seems to be more like me. We have both ackowledged and accepted that nothing is going to brin gher back, are trying to get on with life. My oldest is very good at not sweating the small things ever since her sister's death. Going to spend the morning with hubby tomorrow. Go to the cemetary and then some errands that will lighten my mood. Ryan , all of a sudden the other day I thought of calling my son-in-law. The more I thought of it I realized that having her THINGS will also not bring her back and if it's at the expense of hurting him more, I don't need them. I have her in my heart. He has a shrine in a room at his mother's. Does that make sense? So I will continue to pray for your recovery and hope to hear from you when you're up to it.

Fondly,
Grasshopper

 
Old 08-25-2007, 06:01 PM   #48
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Re: Problems, and then some more problems!

Grasshopper:

I remain hopeful and am ready to face the truth about my recovery.

The ortho surgeon is going to tell me all of my options on Monday.

If I do need cervical intervention, I just want it over with.......

Then I will truly be able to cope with the limitations.
---------------------------------------------------
This will be the 10th anniversary of the death of your daughter(God rest) but will also be the 10th anniversary of your changed life without her.

I truly believe that she would have wanted your family to thrive; and you all have done so.

This can be looked at as an "honoring of your daughter's memory."

Your daughter is on a quest that took all of 10 years to realize.

She needed to be close to you(in proximity) and now is even agreeing that moving out may be best.

It is about her getting on with her life, or beginning it again(depending on how you look at it).

Remember that the oldest is supposed to be the strongest(call it natural selection) so she is fulfilling her role.

You said an important thing: "I have her in my heart."

The relationship that loved ones share does not simply end at death but transforms into yet another type of loving bond; you are witnessing that.

The son-in-law seems to be having a rough go of things.

A shrine; it seems that he is having difficulty expressing his feelings outwardly and rightfully so.

Hopefully, in time, he will be able to open up more............it is a process.

If, in his mind, he couldn't imagine life without her, it could be a deterrant.(jmo)

May your family be blessed with the necessary insight to help make tomorrow a day of "loving positivity."

Be well, my friend.

Ryan

 
Old 08-25-2007, 06:40 PM   #49
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Re: Problems, and then some more problems!

ICC,
You will be in my thoughts tomorrow. Anniversaries can be really tough. I hope tomorrow can somehow hold some moments of peace for you. I hope, too, that you'll be flooded with good memories of your daughter that will help you feel close to her - and that the bad memories of her passing will stay hidden. I don't know if that is possible, but that is my wish for you.

Take care of yourself,
Beka

 
Old 08-26-2007, 04:22 AM   #50
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Re: Problems, and then some more problems!

Grasshopper:

May the entire "Grasshopper" family be guided by the Holy Spirit today to possess both the strength and fortitude to persevere, as it will be mixed with emotions.

Take care, my friend.

Ryan

 
Old 08-26-2007, 05:15 AM   #51
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Re: Problems, and then some more problems!

Good morning all....


Beka , thank you. Yes I can enjoy and honor the good memories around my daughter. The loss of her is always there but I can laugh at her jokes, remember her beauty and kindness and love her still. I woke several times during the night and had pictures of her at different ages in my mind. Talked to her for awhile and went back to sleep. I'm OK this morning BUT have this feeling hanging over me that I should feel differently . I should be more upset. I SHOULD be throwing myself on the floor in tears. And I am not doing any of that. I am remembering and going about my business here. God has given me no other choice.

Ryan, Thank you for clarifing and helping me to accept what I see in my youngest. I am so glad she told me that this year is so bad for her. With all that's been going on I believe you are right in your perception of her and I. We both held on for dear life and now it's time that we both lived. It's scary as we , I know I feel as if I am leaving my middle daughter behind when in reality she will always be with me EVEN if I go on and live. For years I felt I was betraying her by having a good time or living. It's very sad. You're also right about my oldest. She's a great human being. I love all my daughters dearly as I have watched them grow into lovely young women and what they are all about. The kindness in their hearts always amazes me. As far as the son-in-law goes I think he goes through the motions to keep his sanity. He loved her and still loves her as a big part of his own being. If taking these posessions away from him would hurt him more I don't need to. Material things have never been my mainstay and especially not at the expense of hurting someone dear to me. I do understand my youngest and what she has and is going through now. Never realized why until now. Thank you my friend for your insight.

Ryan.. I agree with the possible cervical intervention. You have been through so much, so much pain and anxiety and others expense. If you can get "fixed" the best you can be and start to mend properly I believe that's all we can ask. You know you are in my prayers always and will continue to be. Please update me after you see the Ortho tomorrow.

Love to all,
Grasshopper

 
Old 08-26-2007, 07:40 AM   #52
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Re: Problems, and then some more problems!

ICC,
In my opinion, if we have been blessed to feel peace about a deceased loved one, we would be ungrateful to "throw ourselves on the floor in tears." Maybe that is how some expect you to act, but God has given you this peace and understanding with regards to your daughter. It's a precious gift. Doesn't mean we still don't feel sad and miss them terribly, but knowing a bit of a bigger picture here helps a lot. I think you are handling the day just fine. I'll be thinking of you today.


Beka

 
Old 08-26-2007, 02:22 PM   #53
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Re: Problems, and then some more problems!

I am so sorry to intrude on your board but I was worried about you ICC. I am so glad your surgery went well.
Again I am sorry for jumping into your thread.

Last edited by lorriem; 08-26-2007 at 02:23 PM.

 
Old 08-27-2007, 04:51 AM   #54
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Re: Problems, and then some more problems!

Beka...well put. Thank you.

Lorriem...Oh please don't feel bad. I am so sorry I didn't post on the eye/vision board BUT one of the posters had me really upset and I really didn't want to go there anymore. I will send you a post there about what's going on.


ICC

 
Old 08-27-2007, 04:55 AM   #55
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Re: Problems, and then some more problems!

Dear Ryan....I did it. I called the son-in-laws parents yesterday (how fitting) and told them how I felt. That I loved their son very much BUT he is not the only one who lost her and after 10 years of worrying about everyone else's feelings it was time I took care of mine. Explained that I had talked to their son several times in the past couple of years and he agreed that all should be with me BUT nothing ever surfaced so I feel he is inacapable of handling htis and I don't want to be the one who hurts him anymore so would like to take care of picking my daughter's things up with them since all is in their home. Both agreed although the father was a little cold at the end of the conversation. He said it wasn't a good day to bring it up to his son. WHAT???? NO S&*^(! He didn't think I knew what day it was. So it's done. Hubby will pick everything up today. I know this will be hard for me so I'm not sure if I'll go through anything or even look at her wedding gown until next week when the second eye surgery is done. I hop you are well, although I know sometimes you feel better a day or two after surgery and then as healing begins so does the pain. Prayers are with you.

Grasshopper

 
Old 08-27-2007, 05:36 AM   #56
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Re: Problems, and then some more problems!

My Dear Grasshopper:

You noticed that I didn't attempt to sway you either way.

Here, there is no wrong or right answer.

Just be prepared for the wave of emotions that you will experience once receiving the items; the sentimental value alone can be overwhelming.


It's not a matter of hurting him but rather you healing.

Id "dear ole dad" has issue with this, then he needs to take inventory(Lord forgive me) and see exactly what is going on with his son.

The mere fact that they will be in your house will cause you a bit of anxiety and a week may even be a bit too long to wait.(speculating)

Ah, yes; there's the surgery this week with the right eye(hope the brightness is working itself out in the left---what did doc say?).

You wrote:
"I know sometimes you feel better a day or two after surgery and then as healing begins so does the pain."

Yep; this seems to sum it up.

I cannot even use the stimulator because even the slightest wave of current causes pain in the surgical areas.(stitches out friday).

Your prayers are heart felt, as I know that you feel mines.

You will be alright, my dear; just know this .

Take care.

Ryan

 
Old 08-27-2007, 07:50 AM   #57
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Re: Problems, and then some more problems!

Oh Ryan ..It never seems to end does it? I am sorry you have to go through this to God willing get releif from the constant pain. Makes you wonder at times doesn't it? Have pain, treatment is more painful?????? Time seems to be the answer to everything. If it is indeed an answer.

I knew you weren't going to make the decision for me BUT I had to voice my feelings to you to see clearly ( No pun intended). Yes I do believe there is a probelm there. I don't think either parent bellieves anyone else was hurt or suffered this loss but thier son. It's OK. They're parents but it's not Ok at my expense anymore. Time's up. I know it will be difficult and I will do the best I can in my own time. I still have one of her handbags still in tact from when she was maybe 16 and had just met her husband . There are keys, a rabbit's foot and a picture of the two of them maybe 15 years ago. I can't seem to still change anything in there, take anything out, toss the handbag so just imagine how I'll be with her possessions at the time of her death and her bridal gown and veil. Oh My ! this will not be easy but it's time. I have learned lately that my life does not have to go on as it was when she was alive, and I have no idea why I thought that. I can go on in a different way much more suited to me now.

You are a dear friend and I only wish I could take some of your pain away. How are you emotionally?

Dr. says eye is great. the brightness is dying down somewhat. God only knows what everything will look like after Thursday. At least I know it's all done and recuperation is in the process at that point it can only get better. Hoping the same for you.

Grasshopper

 
Old 08-27-2007, 03:59 PM   #58
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Re: Problems, and then some more problems!

Dear Grasshopper:

I will give you time to let everything "sink in" and will explain my situation tomorrow.

Take care.

Ryan

 
Old 08-27-2007, 05:32 PM   #59
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Re: Problems, and then some more problems!

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Dear Grasshopper:

I will give you time to let everything "sink in" and will explain my situation tomorrow.

Take care.

Ryan
Grasshopper:

I recently found out that my daughter had sexual relations with a 16 year old boy and has been looking to others, as I cannot be there for her like before.

I didn't realize that it affected her so deeply; for her to "act out" in such a way.

She won't even talk to me about my injuries, for now she fears that I am going to die(as I have had full custody of her since 1996).

OH GOD!(tears)

I didn't know.................I just didn't know.

If I think about it, she was only beginning to "hang around the wrong people" after my accident.

My life spirals out of control and it was a matter of time untill it affected her.

We went to the family health center today for her results;everything negative.

Next month she begins with a counselor/therapist, as she needs an outlet.

This past Saturday we had a DVD movie night..............

Sorry; too emotional right now.
-----------------------------------------

Now the stimulator.

Ortho surgeon wants to see me in a month, with respect to my cervical region. Tells me that my leg weakness may be permanent but with exercise...........i've done the PT, so he says that it may correct itself and that he is not the surgeon who performed the fusion(I could see his anger in that the lumbar procedure was a failure).

Have to schedule an appointment to see my neurosurgeon and have an appointment today with the doctor who gave me surgical clearance.
-------------------------------------
If it were not for my faith and really wanting a better QOL for both my daughter and self, I just don't know.


Take care.

Ryan

Last edited by Phoenix; 08-28-2007 at 03:26 PM.

 
Old 08-28-2007, 04:40 AM   #60
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Re: Problems, and then some more problems!

Grasshopper:

How was your night? Did everything go as smoothly as you had hoped?

Hang in there, my friend.

Ryan

 
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