pointless - Post-Traumatic Stress Disorder (PTSD) Message Board

jillren21 · 04-28-2008, 10:21 PM

i have been dealing with a kidnap and rape since my 20's I have tried everything to fight the memories and terror I experienced but it never goes away. I have been thru counseling and counselors forever but can't get rid of the memories. I am so frustrated I don't know what to do any more. I'm 47 and it still controls my life. I'm so angry!

dustoffkid · 04-29-2008, 01:47 AM

jillren,

I am sorry to hear about your struggles with this horrible experience and the aftermath. I know how it is to have negative emotions rule your life.

You will find, I think, that the people who gather here are brilliant at offering support and will not judge you for what you are or are not feeling. I have found them to be very helpful.

For now, I will say a little prayer for you and hopefully that will help at least a little bit.

Dustoff

maybecrazy · 04-29-2008, 04:30 AM

Hi jillren21,

I am so sorry for what happened to you - I have found posting here to really help, the people who come to this site are able to offer support and advice from their own experiences - some things have tried when I can't escape a memory is to put a movie on the dvd and read at the same time - I think this keeps my mind busy having the two things going at once, somtimes I pace and read and have a movie on if the movies too invasive - there is also a technique that worked on a really hard to get rid of memory which was to imagine it being played on tv and then in my mind switching off the tv and watching the picture of the event getting smaller and smaller until it disapeared - I had to do this quite a few times till it worked for me but it's worth a try, I hope things quiet down for you soon - it's sad that something someone did so long ago can stay with you until today - I hope you find help soon and we are always here for you to talk to and vent take care MBC

Phoenix · 05-02-2008, 12:30 PM

Hello jillren,

Know that I want the same thing for you that I want for all of us; peace and happiness and am saddened to know that you are having a difficult time of things.
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Therapy works on specific facets of our behavioral patterns at different times.

We may be looking to relieve "A" when there is another variable that needs to be addressed before we can even begin to scratch the surface.

PTSD is a complex disorder; so much so, that the top behavioral sciences in the field are adding an additional category to this disorder.

The way we were raised, our environment(past and present) and our current situations can be factors that can impede the progress we are looking for.

There are times that we do make progress and it isn't apparent to us because we still have the recurring thoughts.
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Please take stock in the fact that you found the strength to post your thread here; something that you probably couldn't envision years ago.

Please also realize that this traumatic event has changed you and since life is constantly changing around us, it can seem that we are standing still, when the opposite may be occuring.
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Therapists are sort of our "mirrors" to ourselves because we share with them and the reflect their thoughts to us.

Comfortability is an important factor, for without it, the ability to trust is virtually non-existent.
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Memories are the inevitability of our traumatic situations but do not have to control our lives.

We are all survivors here and that includes you.

If you are up to it, please feel free to post as often as you like.

Know that life does not end with PTSD, it becomes different.

It is the difference that you are experiencing.

Take care of yourself.

Sincerely and Respectfully,

Phoenix

NVD · 05-02-2008, 05:48 PM

Hi Jillren, I've been coming back and reading your post, not exactly sure how to respond, even though it hits real close to home. I wasn't exactly kidnapped and raped, but I was held in my own house, and raped, repeatedly over the last 12 years or so.
I've been going through the PTSD motions for about the last ten years...and honestly Jill, I don't know that it will ever get better. Things come and go that take presence, that move some of the flashbacks, and the anxiety, and the pain to the back a little bit, (which is what I'm going through now, dealing with the PTSD symptoms from another very traumatic event that recently took place) but it's always there waiting for the first oppertunity to come back to the surface. My only saving grace is that I have people that have helped walk me through the torturous flashbacks...and this place, is great for finding support. I don't know how to get completely away from this, or if it's even possible. Sorry you're struggling so much, and I hope that you will someday find a bit of that PEACE that you're looking for. Good luck...
Amber