Years later and still suffering from PTSD
I'm still fairly new to HealthBoards, but I need somewhere to go to talk. When I was 5-6, a family member sexually abused me. Through the first 16 years of my life, I endured through mental, verbal, and emotional abuse. Also, when I was 15-16, another family member (or two) sexually abused me as well. Needless to say, I have PTSD even though nothing has happened in over 3 years. I need to be in control of myself, to the point where I can't fully relax, or I have severe flashbacks and memory floods. If I try to relax, I start to cry because everything is so overwhelming.
I have been on medication, but came off due to side effects. I also went to therapy for about 5 years or so (off and on), but have not returned to see my therapist in about a year. Part of the PTSD is me having mood swings, a lot. I also have learned to walk away from upsetting things, only to hold those things inside until I reach a breaking point. When I hold those things inside, in my head, I can see how I would react if I chose not to walk away. At the moment, I'm relying on my SO to help me through... Since I can't just "dump" everything on him and feel ok about it, I decided to come here. Any advice would be helpful and welcome.
On a side note, recently I gave up my room in my family home for a friend who was kicked out. I don't have access to my music like I did before, and it's definitely affecting me. My music is a lifeline, it's something that can calm me down and help me handle things. Since he moved in, I feel like an intruder in my home (I currently live with my grandparents). This is probably a reason I've been very moody and emotional lately. When he moved in, I essentially moved out. It's been really rough on me and my SO because he tends to help me handle things and calm me down.