kittyroo

I was wondering if there are any "typical" symptoms of PTSD? I am not sure if PTSD is what I officially have, but here is my story, as shortened up as I can make it:

I miscarried my first pregnancy in August of '06 at 2 months along. Got pregnant in December of '06 and had a beautiful baby boy in September of '07. We had him home for a week, and aside from the utter exhaustion of recovering from delivery and no sleep, everything was seemingly fine.

When he was a 8 days old we checked into the intensive care floor of a major children's hospital because his heart was not beating right. They kept him for 2 weeks doing horrible things to my newborn to try to treat the problem. Right before they were about to resort to a pacemaker, they found a combo of very dangerous drugs that seemed to control the problem. I stayed with him, day and night and refused to leave his side. I nursed him the whole time and only left him to shower there at the hospital and occasionally eat.

He is now 10 months old and doing very well, thanks be to God. I, however, am not. I CAN'T get over the horror of the pediatric intensive care floor and having my precious newborn in such peril. I can't get over the horror of the reality that there were other children and babies in a lot worse shape than my son. I CAN'T get over it. I wake up 4 or 5 times a night and go check on him, even though we have a video monitor to watch him sleep and I can clearly see him breathing. I absolutely can't tolerate hearing babies or children cry. Period. If I'm in Target and I hear it and don't see the parent attending to my satisfaction, I have to leave the store. I can't tolerate hearing about or seeing children in ANY kind of distress. If I even THINK about the PICU, I start to cry uncontrollably. I constantly obsess about the unknown long term effects of the drugs he's been on his whole life at this point.

To exacerbate the problem, I have always been terribly afraid of stormy weather. Recently in a suburb just north of my work, a tornado came through, flattened the suburb, injured many and a two year old boy was killed. KILLED!!!!! I can't handle it. I donated $300 bucks I don't have to the family and now FREAK when storms come. All I can think about is what if a storm hurts my son? How can I protect my son? I am CONSUMED by fear for my son.

At this point, my fears are wrecking my marriage. Just last night hubby and I had a battle royale over it. It was storming here and I was afraid to drive home from work. He told me its time to "get over it" and "let it go". He said I should go on meds so I can be "like I used to be two years ago". I found this so hurtful and insensitive that I couldn't speak. I have been through a lot in the last two years and I can't just shut this off.......or can I?

What do you all think of this? Should I get some PTSD counseling? Or SOME counseling of some sort? Does this sound anything like PTSD?