Back to the boards....... - Post-Traumatic Stress Disorder (PTSD) Message Board

maybecrazy · 07-29-2008, 04:40 AM

HI Everyone,

I've been away from the boards for a while, couldn't face it, drew myself back into my shell and stayed there. Went back to a Psychologist who had helped me in the past and he has made a difference to how I feel - but now it feels like everything is stirred up again, I'm jumpy and still not sleeping well even though i'm on anti-depressants (Avanza) which put me to sleep I still wake up frequently.

And now the set of visits is at an end again, and I am back on my own and back on the boards....... I seem to be stuck in a loop - I shut everything down, see my psych get everything back up and then it's like every switch in my head is turned on and racing, it's like I'm always ready to run.

I know it's not as bad as it was and I have made headway - but sometimes I feel like shouting at the top of my lungs "I just want it to be over!" I wonder if the man who attacked me ever wonders what harm he did - somehow I doubt it - there is an option I can look at to see my psyche again but I am afraid he will say no and as he is the only one I trust now - that would destroy me if he said no or he couldn't - just venting guys -

MBC

Phoenix · 08-07-2008, 10:03 AM

Hello MBC,

Did you begin feeling discomfort when you knew that the sessions would end?

Why do you feel that your psychologist would not see you(if you don't mind me asking)?

Remember that if there is a will there is surely a way.

Take care.

Phoenix

maybecrazy · 08-10-2008, 12:54 AM

Hi Phoenix,

I have been wired for a while, the psychologist really helped me and I am scared (i seem to be scared all the time lately) that I still need help and will have no access to it - it's like having a lifeline and knowing that the rope is burning through - stupid I know,
I havnt asked the psych about keeping seeing him - I guess that I have a HUGE fear of rejection - from childhood which i should be over but I'm not - I guess I just have to ask him

just spoke to him on phone at the moment i am ringing him once a week - i suppose ona maintenance plan maybe? for just a few minutes - found out i still have 1 more visit yet to come so can ask him then - i am just afraid (i hate that word!) that I will slip back again - don't know if i can go through this again MBC

Phoenix · 08-22-2008, 04:21 AM

Hello MBC,

Please keep in mind that anything worth attaining is going to take some effort on your behalf.

You don't want to be riddled with the "what if's", which can lead to regret and sometimes introverted anger.

Phoenix

maybecrazy · 08-29-2008, 01:39 AM

thanks phoenix, i get really angry with myself for being such a chicken - it's not how i used to be.... or maybe i just masked it before, i just have to say what i feel and let the cards fall where they may - somthing im not used to doing - wish me luck - anyway maybe i am strong enough to e on my own now... we'll see. take care

MBC