I was sexually abused as a child - only once that i know of - i only have a few memories of the past before I was 14 or 15 - i blocked them out - other members of my family were sexually assaulted before me for years and i always thought my mother didnt know9 no-one told me until i was 16 about it0 - recently i have been having memories leak through the wall i built in my mind its like i am living them over again or even for the first time - i have ptsd from being attacked at work at it feels the same - panic and terror and unending sadness - and intruding memories - and now I found out from an older sister that my mother knew at least some of what was going on because ive been asking her to tell me so i can deal with the memories - when i found out my dad was an abuser i was devestated but i still had my mum - she was my rock - and now i have nothing - i trusted my dad and he turned out to be.....an abuser and now i find this out - and im having trouble dealingwith it - how can someone do that? stand by and see their children abused? when she found out about the sexual abuse she threw him out - but there was years of physical abuse before that - and the memories are still coming back ...what do you do when you find out your life is based on lies...
MBC
I am so sorry about what you are feeling. I can relate to some of what you are saying as I also have a lot of abuse in my past. It is not easy, but there is life after abuse. Do you have people to talk to? There are also a lot of 12 step groups that deal with different kind of abuse. Your mother obviously didn't know better, maybe she was in denial about the whole thing. Even if people know something, even see it with their own eyes, they still can be in denial about it. One advice that I would like to give you from my own experience and this I have learned the hard way. Do try to deal with what happened to you, but focus also on good things. Get involved in things, depending what you are interested in. In my case, I spent years of my life only focusing on the past and I wish I had looked forward instead of getting stuck in the past. Get involved in sports, art and whatever you may be interested in.
You say you were attacked at work. I hope that you reported the perpetrator. Do not let him/her get away with it. How have you dealt with the abuse at work? You are not crazy although it can feel like it when you are in a lot of pain. Hugs to you!
Hi, maybecrazy, as you already know i was also raped and sexually abused and have also blocked it. the memories do resurface and they hurt, tremendously. it has to in order for you to get well. i also feel alone many times, but we're are not, YOU ARE NOT ALONE, you have us, we are there for you, and no-one can understand that better than we can. REMEMBER, YOU ARE NOT ALONE. Lauren007
Lauren, I see that you are in South Africa and there may not be any 12 step groups there.
Here in the US there are 12 step groups for almost any problem a person can face. For example Alcoholics Anonymous, Overeaters Anonymous, Gamblers Anonymous, just to mention a few. You sit in groups and work through different steps, the first step is to admit that you are powerless over whatever problem you are dealing with. It can be a great support for people who often feel alone with their problems.
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