Fears - Post-Traumatic Stress Disorder (PTSD) Message Board

shamayashea · 10-09-2008, 01:58 AM

I had always been this way that my ex-husband didnt understand. I had lots of dark memories which keeps on coming back. I had a very good relationship with my partner that I almost screwed up because of the bad thoughts and how scary was my behavior. Like calling him shall I say 15times when his phone is busy, wondering that he might have make out with another woman in the phone since I am faraway from him. I felt so hot like it seems I have a fever, thus we had a bad argument about my behavior and it scares him a lot. We are together for almost 3 years now, and he is very loving and romantic to me, yet I could really never get rid of the bad memories that we had together. He is generous enough to help me, he will soon be a psychologist in the future, yet I find myself an added burden to him with this. He told me before when we were friends that I have a PSTD which I dont know. He told me about it many times and I just ignore it since I know I am not mentally sick. But since he is my partner I shared to him my previous experiences from childhood til present. I admit that I am very self destructive when I have doubts on him. I always see a lot of fears that is going to swallow me whole and it makes me so scared.

It seems that I have 3 personality that he sees that I also noticed. Sometimes there are instances that we talk that part of me is disagreed and part of me agreed, its varies though since there are instances that I called the bad side of me 70% while the good side of me is 30%. Sometimes, I guess I am making everything difficult and I always see other people as really different and I am intimidated by it. My partner tried so hard to help me. But I guess I have to deal this now by myself by knowing anybody who have this kind of disorder that I have.

I am hoping somebody here could say something, advise, suggest or related what and how they did overcome this. Thank you. Sham

maybecrazy · 10-11-2008, 06:35 PM

Hi Sham,

I am glad that your partner is supportive, and I am sorry that you have had bad experiences in the past that have led you to have problems - I know you siad your partner is going to be a psychologist but are you seeing a psychologist apart form him? if he is just starting out there may be others who can help you who have experience with what you are going through and can be objective - and there may be things that you want to say but not to your partner - it's worth a thought.

I had a violent childhood and don't remember much of it - but when the memories come back it's almost like I am there again and it can seem like i am going to be overwhelmed- when that happens I try to remind myself that I survived it in the past and I can do so now because it's not happeneing now - maybe you can try that - don't get stuck on PTSD being a mental illness - think of it as a problem that has to be solved - something that has to be healed within you so you can have a fuller and happier life - don't let that stop you from getting help - keep postng here and let us know how you go - take care MBC

shamayashea · 10-11-2008, 08:51 PM

Thank you for sharing MBC, I greatly appreciated it.

I was abused sexually in my childhood. Abused mentally and spiritually by my drug addict ex-husband. I am glad, I posted here, at least I could see myself with the others having this kind of trauma that I had.

Thanks, Sham

isitme · 10-12-2008, 05:14 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by shamayashea

I had always been this way that my ex-husband didnt understand. I had lots of dark memories which keeps on coming back. He told me about it many times and I just ignore it since I know I am not mentally sick. But since he is my partner I shared to him my previous experiences from childhood til present. I admit that I am very self destructive when I have doubts on him. I always see a lot of fears that is going to swallow me whole and it makes me so scared.

It seems that I have 3 personality that he sees that I also noticed. Sometimes there are instances that we talk that part of me is disagreed and part of me agreed, its varies though since there are instances that I called the bad side of me 70% while the good side of me is 30%. Sometimes, I guess I am making everything difficult and I always see other people as really different and I am intimidated by it. My partner tried so hard to help me. But I guess I have to deal this now by myself by knowing anybody who have this kind of disorder that I have.

I am hoping somebody here could say something, advise, suggest or related what and how they did overcome this. Thank you. Sham

Hi. I can relate to you on the personality front. I have the NORMAL me and I'm very happy with her. The trouble is I also have many, many dark, painful memories and when they appear, I feel like I've had a brain transplant. I crumble. I hate this other side of me............thankfully, I know it does get better with time. And in hindsight, the quicker one acknowledges they have a problem, the quicker they can get help and then the sooner they are on their way to live a normal life, a life without the past haunting them. THe good side of me is about 95%, so I know it gets better. A week ago I saw a cbt therapist for the first time and it's turned me inside out and upside down..........but I know the NORMAL me will soon return. I hope the good you returns soon. Sorry, I'm rambing........................