need advice - Post-Traumatic Stress Disorder (PTSD) Message Board

maybecrazy · 10-31-2008, 07:24 PM

HI Everyone,

it's coming up to the anniversary of what happened to me to cause ptsd - there seems to be a clock in my head that kicks in every october and counts down to the date in novemeber - I have tried not thinking about it and keeping busy but it keeps coming back - i have tried thinking it through and saying ok what is my mind trying to teach me - but i get nowhere - except more and more tired - i feel exhausted

and I dont seem to be able to stop it - it's wearing me out.

Everyone else at work has forgotten about it - of the people that were there that day one has left one is on six months leave and one does mainly nights now - i have been hit by patients before - they were confused and didnt know what they were doing - i accept that and could let it go - but this guy knew what he was doing and meant us harm ( i am trying not to trigger anyone so forgive me if i seem vague) and i cant seem to be able to let that go - and people tell me they had things thrown at them and got sworn at and they forgot it and i should let it go - and i have when that has been done in the past but this is different - he knew what he was doing - sorry i am going round in circles and rabbiting on a bit - how do you deal with anniversaries? last hyear I took a cake to work didnt tell them why but tried to make it a good day - this year seems so much darker.....anyway take care MBC

isitme · 11-07-2008, 11:27 AM

I know it's so easy for people on the outside to say 'get over it.'
If only it were that simple, eh?
You are in my thoughts, as you all are......... struggling along. Not much consolation, but as you know, after the anniversary, it will become a little better. And why say nothing to your collegues? Shame? defeat? I have been in that mode for years. If anyone thinks less of me for the problems I have, then that is their problem, not mine. (hey, I can't even pinpoint where/why this has happened to me).

maybecrazy · 11-07-2008, 11:04 PM

[QUOTE=isitme;3785816]why say nothing to your collegues? Shame? defeat?

Hi Isitme,

You hit the nail right on the head , it's both of those, I am ashamed that I havnt got over it by now and that small things still affect me in a big way, I am ashamed that i havnt learned enough through therapy and reading books to have gotten over and beyond this, i know i give others a break where i give myself none and I am trying to be kinder to myself but I find myself constantly disapointed with myself. My therapist would say remember you're not superman! but maybe I could be wonderwoman!

I'm just very tired because im not sleeping well and as you say after the anniv I should be better than now - I just wish it was over. And yes I feel defeated that I instantly go into countdown from October on till the day in Nov when it happened - it's frustrating and I wish i could stop it!

Take care everyone MBC

isitme · 11-09-2008, 05:24 AM

I've been learning for years. This site for 2 years and another site for a year prior to this. There's so much stuff to work THROUGH, not deny or avoid, which is how I've coped in the past. We will all recover in our own time. I've been at the 'frustation stage' for far too long!

maybecrazy · 11-09-2008, 03:39 PM

I hope you get through the frustration stage soon its a hard place to be- take care and thanks

MBC (2 weeks till Anniv - wish me luck)