New and struggling
Hi I'm new to the boards and I had a very traumatic childhood. However, before getting into that, let me just say that this board just may well be my life saver for me, and the support I need. I also find I feel so much better inside if I'm helping others so I'm here for all of you as well. Now let's see, at the moment I'm an American living in Australia with my family for employment reasons, but before ever getting married I had (I can't even say "lived") a very awful childhood and at the moment I am still having difficulties coming to terms with it. I'm hoping with your kind people's help and support I can better handle these memories.
To make a very long story shorter I'm a twin in a family where there was just my sister, my mom and dad until we turned the age of nine and then my parents divorced and that is when my life changed forever. See, I'm the less dominate one of my sister and I, and while we both took the divorce badly, I took it very much to heart. My mother was never the textbook mother from the get go and when she told us she picked the bathroom of all places, why I have no idea but that was the place she chose and she just said your father is leaving and you won't be seeing him for awhile. That was it. Then for the first, but not last time my mother put makeup on, dressed up and walked out the door without a second glance. See, my mother NEVER in all her days on this earth ever told us she loved us or even hugged us. So, that day she left without ever even explaining why our Dad was leaving us. Well, we eventually moved in with our aunt, grandmother and spoiled rotten four years younger cousin. This is where my sister and my life became miserable. My mom became an alcoholic while my aunt and grandmother already were. Money was so limited that food and clothing was very difficult to come by. My aunt, when she was drunk would become especially physically and emotionally abusive toward my sister and I yet leave her daughter completely alone. My cousin would sit and laugh as my aunt would break wooden spoon after wooden spoon over my sister's rear just because she turned the television station and there wasn't even anyone in the room. I would sit and cry hopelessly, there was nothing I could do. If I interrupted, I too got hit. If we weren't being hit we were being locked away in rooms as punishment for not doing what my aunt wanted us to do for her. My sister took care of me, she stayed strong, but I developed many anxieties, one being OCD.
My mom was off doing whatever she pleased. She told us that she had her life back now and she was going to live it. So we were left at our aunt's mercy. Christmas's and Birthday's stopped for my sister and I at around the age of nine. We didn't get any more gifts after that. We could have probably lived with that if we didn't have to live with a spoiled brat of a cousin, who literally got a roomful of gifts and we HAD to sit and watch as she opened each one. Our aunt made us sit and watch and then we were allowed to touch any toy she got. It was pure misery for a kid to go through.
Later my aunt and cousin moved out this is when I was fourteen or so and my grandmother got really sick. My mother was still partying and her drinking was excessive. My sister and I had no life but school and taking care of our grandmother. We had absolutely NO food in the house and grandmother was slowly losing her mind.
I'll close this up as quickly as I can by saying that I eventually met a guy at seventeen who I thought would get me out of the awful place I was in but after marrying him I found out different. He got me away from my home and family and then started to make me do things I didn't want to do. Things with other men. I later found out he was gay and he was using me as bait to draw men into our bedroom. He told me he would return me back home if I didn't do as he told me and I believed him. Later my current husband came along and saved me, thank God.
My mom died 10 years ago and at her funeral I cried, and I think everyone believed because of the normal reasons a daughter would cry. No, I cried because I was mourning for the mother I NEVER had from the beginning. The mother I will never have. My aunt showed at the funeral drunk and about destroyed everything, just as I expected, and now I just shake my head and wonder how was I ever born into such a family. Remember, I'm here for all of you as well, and thank you all for reading my extensive post it was good to get some of it out. Take care and God Bless.
We're in this together, no matter what