Inner child - help needed. - Post-Traumatic Stress Disorder (PTSD) Message Board

maybecrazy · 12-03-2008, 11:46 PM

I didnt really believe in the inner child thing - if I had one I always thought she was dead somewhere in the darkness of my past behind the wall I built to keep out my past - after having therapy I found her - she sits in a corner near the wall i built to block out my memories - and she's sobbing uncontrollably - which is strange because I cant cry anymore - but I feel her there in the dark alone, abandoned , and I cant help her - I cant reach her - she is too far away and I want the pain to stop .....but I think i have to heal her first and i cant - how do you reach back so many years and tell them that you will survive that you may be dented and a little crazy but you're still here - that the past cant hurt you anymore when you know that's a lie - all I feel is her pain - it's almost visible it feels so real and it wont go away - i dont know what to do......... so im counting as a distraction - one take a breath what do i see - green plant, two take a breath silver box, it keeps me gounded but she's still there waiting for help - I know this sounds crazy but I had to get it out of my head - MBC

isitme · 12-04-2008, 02:45 AM

Write her a letter, seriously. See what SHE, the child has to say, not you, the adult.
I did it with my son a while back. I found out my brain was stuck at him still aged 11, (when I lost him to the X) and he was in his early 20's at the time.

Seraph · 12-04-2008, 04:44 AM

Visualize her as a real little girl hiding. She is too traumatized to understand what you are saying. Lay on hugs, strokes and comforting sounds. Wait patiently for her to let you know what she needs. It will happen. Sit down on the floor in front of her and comfort her. Remember that she is you and you are her. Just feeling that connection is a big part of it. Sera

maybecrazy · 12-04-2008, 06:50 PM

I think she hates me, I left her so long alone in the dark where the monsters are real ......and I dont think she wants to be touched - I think she will scream if i try that and bite and kick and scream like i should have....... but i was only a child.....

I will try both of your suggestions - I need this to be over - thankyou MBC

captnanny · 12-08-2008, 01:46 AM

I am where you are. I understand the thoughts that the inner child is dead somewhere only to figure out she is a deeply hurt little girl. I tried for years to "become" that little girl, not knowing what I was really doing, expecting a mom to come and save her. That is not helpful. What is is to talk about it in therapy even if there are no words. Writing her a letter or visualizing yourself picking her up and hugging her is a good idea too if you allow yourself to let her. I sometimes pretend she is like another child I know in real life and what I would do and say if they were in pain and crying. That helps the feeling that she hates me or that I don't have memories and feelings for her. Its weird to feel like you don't have an inner child or when you do find her, you don't know what she feels or like she's a part of you. It is something needed to get out of the pain.