I can't function today. Do you have days like that? I just can't face the world. I want to just hide, to not be touched, to hurt myself, to cry....I can't go out in public in the messy case I am....so I guess I won't....I hate it that I'm like this though...I'd so like to be normal....but sometimes I wake up and all the thoughts are flying around inside (My T says it's from dreams during the night, even though I might not be able to remember them) and the feelings and the past are just RIGHT THERE and I can't function...I can't be an adult...I can't be me.........
yes I have days like that - sometimes more than I think I can stand, sometimes I just have to let them pass by and curl up and try and be kind to myself - allow myself the time to ... maybe some times I just have to feel bad .... let it wash over me so I can get out of it - but I know its hard - and if im working I tend to keep myself away from others as much as possible - I know this is the wrong thing for me - I need to be with others to help me get out of this but it goes against how I feel - so I keep apart as much as possible until it passed.
I had one therapist who told me to ring him the next time it happened and I did - that was so hard - just picking up the phone and dialling - I actually hung up on him a couple of times and then sat there with the phone unable to say anything other than my name - but he was able to help me there and then - is this a possibility for you? I miss the clarity he brought to my situation.
I hope that things are improving for you - each time you overcome the fear of leaving home you become a little stronger - try to remind yourself of the things you have achieved so far -- let us know how you are going MBC
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Be safe, be well, be happy
Maybecrazy
Last edited by maybecrazy; 12-09-2008 at 04:50 PM.
There was a time i couldn't live my bathroom which I thought was a good choice because it was less messy when you had to go. I would sit in the tub fully clothed and cry about everything. I thought that it was just about the safest place on earth because that's where youre supposed to go in a tornado.
Eventually I released my tub obsession was unhealthy so I changed tactics I started to actually take a bath and use all sorts of yummy bubbles. I found ways to be adventurous like taking a book in and trying to not get it wet or having my dog sit on the floor next to the tub. They have special dogs for people who have ptsd maybe you should look into that.
With a house there are all sorts of ways to be adventurous, maybe start a garden in the yard or your windowsill. In small ways you will have to leave your house for supplies but you will be doing it to build your own sanctuary. Hope that helps.
I know exactly how you feel. Today was one of those days for me, actually. I was raped a couple weeks ago and ever since then I've just wanted to isolate myself from the world and be alone in my pain. It's very difficult to overcome, but I just think it takes time.
I hope you feel better soon.
