SIck - Post-Traumatic Stress Disorder (PTSD) Message Board

maybecrazy · 12-12-2008, 02:35 AM

does anyone know how to get off this roundabout ?

I dont want to play anymore! want to take my bat and ball and go home

- sick sick sick of this PTSD game and want to play the I'm all better now game instead!

I'm sick of flashbacks, anything with HYPER as part of the word! nighmares, sleeplessness

(is that a word?

) I'm mad as hell and scared (terrified)that it will never "be over" that I will be this crazy person forever! that I will be stuck on this treadmill of depression and despair because I am too dumb to get off or press the STOP button where the heck is that button!

I want to be the smart one who does exactly what the therapist tells them to do and it WORKS and they never have to do it again! EVER!

I dont want to feel like I need to run away from some unforseen danger or hide in a corner! I dont want to jump at stupid things - to overthink and second guess myself - I dont want to feel that nowhere is safe anymore - I am so tired of checking to make sure things are safe only to know in my heart that there is no such place as safe! I dont want to feel desperate and do stupid things, drive too fast, eat too much or too little or not at all - I dont want to get angry at stupid things that I would have never have gotten angry over "Before" I dont want there to be a "before" I want it to be over! and I dont want to be this whinger I've turned into weak and pathetic, insecure and afraid of dong the wrong thing afraid of everything! I just want to get on with it and get it over -O V E R- over!

I want the darkness to get the heck out of town and leave me alone and take PTSD with it!- I just want it to be OVER with a capital O -

ktmsullivan · 12-12-2008, 09:53 AM

I also suffer from PTSD and just recently was referred to a PhD that does a therapy called EMDR. Are you familiar with it? It has had a very high success rate in coping with a traumatic event and/or making the fear go away. I have a friend who knows someone who tried this type of therapy and it cured her PTSD. Just a suggestion. I'm new to it but have suffered with depression for years and my anxiety and panic attacks are unbearable and I'm sick of being this person that isn't me. I went to my first session just this week.

craftygirl3 · 12-12-2008, 04:01 PM

I have done EMDR didn't work for me, but that's me.
I know that I am doing DBT, and I am told that over time it will help, I work on something back off and take care of the health problems, and go back at it.
The only way out is through, for me at least.
anyone with PTSD(in my opinion) is incredibly strong. not only have we lived through the horror once it keeps visiting us again and again.
I personally have tried allot of things, and had to find what has worked for me. what is working for me is working through the pain, setting boundaries, saying no, taking care of myself, and staying in the present moment.
I have a great support team, both medical and otherwise.
Bottom line keep searching for what will work for you.
Someone, somewhere, in history has had my problems and found a way to fix them.
I am strong, resourceful, and smart. I have survived what has happened. I will have quality of life to.
(I'm having a good day)

maybecrazy · 12-12-2008, 04:43 PM

HI ktmsullivan and welcome, Hi craftygirl3,

I tried EMDR and it did help but I suffer from migraines so was not able to continue as it triggered these (there's another word I hate "trigger") - I hope that it works for you and that your symptoms subside and disapear forever!
I can realte to being sick of this person who isnt me - I dont know this new person that is me - not even sure if i like her - probably NOT!

Sometimes its like im struggling to get away from me! havnt managed that.... yet!

I just want to run away and leave it all behind - but I know I would just be taking it with me. Sometimes I just struggle and shout and scream in my head I WANT THIS OVER! but I know it will take as long as it takes for me to get through this - I just get tired of trying and I think it must because Im too stupid to learn what my Psych taught me becaue sometimes I forget to use the techniques - somtimes it just gets too much! thats when I come here to let it out or go even crazier than I already am!

I'm in control at the moment - I've shoved it to the back of my mind so I can go to work and pretend everything is ok - i'm just tired - thanks for your replies MBC

p.s., craftygirl3, I am glad you are in a good place - I hope it lasts forever

craftygirl3 · 12-12-2008, 05:28 PM

well I think I am just in a calm before the storm. I hope it lasts a while.