I am trying to find people who have similar situations like mine and feel alone because your spouse doesnt understand.My husband tells me stop playing the victim but what he doesnt understand being sexually abused as a child on 2 different ocassions by 2 different men for an ongoing time of 6 years doesnt just go away. God if it did I would b the first one to let it go. I am just looking for friends who will talk to me and understand what I am going through and maybe you are going through what I am and we can be each others support. . Last but not least I have been to a psych doc and been diagnosed with PTSD.
Last edited by Momof2Madisons; 03-11-2009 at 04:27 PM.
I have been dignosed with PTSD for 2 years now - from being attacked at work - it triggered a lot of issues that I had as a child - I have very few memories - but those I have arnt good - there was sexual abuse and violence whilst I was growing up - I went a different path - I had a few bad relationships then decided that I couldnt trust myself to pick someone who wasnt ...... hmmm how to put it nicely - ok - liars!
Its easy for people to say stop playing the victim if they havnt been one - I dont consider myself a victim - I consider myself a surviver - I have had people say - hey you were attacked two years ago - you should be well over that - but you know what - it takes as long as it takes - have you tried sitting down and talking about how you feel with your husband?
Are you seeing a therapist? I see a psychologist to help me work through this - the psyche doe is that a psychologist or psychiatrist?
Anyway - just wanted to let you know you are not alone - take care MBC
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Is your relationship with your husband ok otherwise? What I think is most important is that he read something about sexual abuse and also PTSD. Perhaps your therapist could give you something relevant. Or, even better, you could ask your husband to attend one meeting with the therapist/counsilor who diagnosed you--to tell him that this is a real affliction, not something in your head.
I had ONE incident of sexual abuse as a child and thought it must have been too little to effect me, but found out later in therapy that it DID.
What you experienced would be considered extremely traumatic by any measurement. I know how lonely it is when people think, because this has to do with your thinking and your mind, that you can and should just "snap" out of it. I think the only thing we can do is try to educate those around us. You can tell your husband that it is not his responsibility to "cure" you (sometimes men can feel angry and helpless because you are presenting a problem they can't "fix"). So tell him you don't need him to fix you, that you are working on that yourself, but you do need him to educate himself to understand what you are going through and to then accept that it will take some time for you to get better.
While I had sexual abuse when I was younger, my PTSD comes from 1 physically abusive and 1 physically/emotionally abusive relationships starting when I was 11 and ending when I was 22. My husband doesnt understand my PTSD and often triggers it without meaning to. For a long time he didnt/couldnt understand why I couldnt just "get over" the past, especially when something similar happens in the future or something triggers a memory. We recently started counseling together and with the help of the therapist, he is getting better about trying to help me out instead of getting angry when the past comes up. Sometimes men just need to hear from a professional that its not your fault and there are things they can do to help us. They cant "fix" us, but they can comfort us.
I've had all sorts of people, best friends even, that dont understand. my boyfriend, who i have known for 30 years, is useless, i cant talk to him about things. my best girl friend who i have known for 40 years cant get it either. mostly i dont talk about things to anyone I am not paying! people will listen when you pay them. if they dont have PTSD, its hard for them to grasp the pain, and it lasts forever, its not something you can get over. my trauma was in 1980-1981, 11 months, and i'm not over it, and people dont get it, they think you should be over it. oh well.
You will be remembered with love and pride PFC Jack Fossum. Semper Fi!
I am also feeling the loneliness of not being understood. My family does not understand me, I get the "get over it already" every time I'm feeling triggered. Thought I met some people that would understand and to my surprise I was told by one person that they don't believe in PTSD. First time I let it pass by asking have you read about it? They said no. A few days later they mentioned their non belief again. Over heard my son on the phone laughing and making fun of my symptoms. I just gave up, its no use talking to people who don't understand.
I was abused as a child too by a man i never knew and i never thought it would effect me so much but according to my T that and me being in a domestic violent relationship for 7 1/2 years caused my PTSD. I have a partner (who was my best mate for 11 years) and although he is supportive some days he can be just as bad as ur husband. My T gave me and idea and so far with my partner it seems to be working.
I have this little book that i carry around with me everywhere. Anytime i have any issues or bad thoughts in my head i write it down, boy once i start writing some days i cannot stop, anyways. After about 2 weeks i hand the book over to my partner and let him read it. He then gets an insight into my head, thoughts and feelings without me having to try find the words to say it or feel embarressed trying to explain how it is.
He seems to be understanding a little more recently and i have not heard him say any bad things about my PTSD or depression, only good possitive things like -
'I'm here for you sweetheart!'
and 'Your a very strong women i know your gonna get better!'
when he says them to me i feel 10 times stronger when im having a anxiety attack, instantly makes me calmer. They don't seem to realise that we aint doing any of this for attention.
But i've come to realise that even tho i am suffering and i need his support, he has alot to deal with looking after me so i allow the odd slip up and mood swing from him because it must be hard to try keep a straight possitive face all the time for my benefit.
I hope you are able to get ur husband to understand even if its for a minute or he understands a little, it's better then nothing
All the best
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