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Post-Traumatic Stress Disorder (PTSD) Message Board


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Old 03-27-2009, 01:09 PM   #1
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mjp1117 HB User
do i have PTSD?

I know you all probably get a lot of these posts, so I apologize in advance, but I really need to know what is wrong with me. I am planning on getting a therapists opinion, but for the time being this is what I have available to me...
I am a 20 year old female. I grew up with an extremely rare chronic illness which caused me to be in the hospital all the time as a child. At 17 I had a transplant, and at 18 I had another organ transplanted. I spent the first year after the two transplants extremely happy, healthy, feeling on top of the world. Then I moved away from home to go to college last year. Ever since then I feel like a steady decline in my mood has happened. I am not depressed, I don't feel hopelessness or anything, I just feel MAJORLY detached from everything around me. I participate in school and social activities, but they don't really bring me any joy... Im apathetic toward most things. I don't have much emotion within me.
I have especially started to notice this because I have started a serious relationship, we're going on three months now. He expresses so much love and devotion to me, and I know I love him in my head, because he is the most amazing individual and makes me very happy... but I am honestly unable to feel genuine LOVE. This is extremely alarming to me... because I used to be such an open and loving person...
I lost a friend in december who had a semiliar disease to mine, which i think made all of this worse.... but i definitely felt this way BEFORE my friend passed.

Main symptoms I have are:
-Emotional detachment
-Feeling like nothing is really happening to me, like this huge surreal feeling about life.
-just one steady emotion, i don't get REALLY happy or REALLY sad about anything anymore.
-I have been mean to people I love and not cared. Not apologized. Feel to reason to even though mentally i grasp i should feel sorry.
- I don't comply with the doctors at all, I mean if I am SERIOUSLY ill i'll go into the hospital but if they give me antibitotics I won't take them, if they want to admit me I insist it is not logical for them to do so. I have cried and had panic attacks because of being admitted... told myself it was because I was worried I would ruin my semesters of school.. but more i learn about PTSD i am thinking it's just a symptom.
- I am paranoid that my medicines they have given me for immunosuppression are slowly making me ill in other ways... have contemplated stopping taking them, but haven't because again.. logically i know this is not the right course of action.

I don't know... I guess my question is, why is this all coming up now? If this is related to the stress of being a sick child and having the transplants and everything, why do i have the symptoms after all of this is over? I am not scared of thinking or speaking of my past, infact i want to write a book about it all. I feel like since I am now "normal" and have been given the chance to have a full life, I should be happy... why is all of this setting in 2 years after the first transplant and a year after the second?!?!!

thanks for reading...

 
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Old 03-29-2009, 03:32 AM   #2
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Hemels HB User
Re: do i have PTSD?

Hi hun,

Sorry to hear you've been through so much. I wouldn't want to say whether this is PTSD or not tbh. really u seem to have some totally different symptons to me but that sound more like depression really (i suffer from PTSD and Major Depression) but we in here are not doctors so i would go visit one chick and get their professional opinion

All the best
Hemmy xXx

 
Old 03-29-2009, 04:38 AM   #3
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krazy2day HB Userkrazy2day HB Userkrazy2day HB Userkrazy2day HB Userkrazy2day HB User
Re: do i have PTSD?

Moving out and going to college is a huge transition in life, one that brings much responsibility and effort. What you describe doesn't sound like PTSD to me. Is it possible that after the surgery you went through a post operative high (because the transplants were a sort-of cure ----or were they not)? This might explain the delay. While you say you aren't depressed, feeling nothing is depressed. Feeling apathetic, having no emotion, and unable to find enjoyment is probably clinical depression for real.

 
Old 03-29-2009, 05:19 PM   #4
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Join Date: Dec 2007
Location: Australia
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maybecrazy HB User
Re: do i have PTSD?

Hi mjp1117

I am sorry you are going through this - it sounds very much like depression - maybe you thought on a deeper level - safter the transplant that everything would be perfect - and life is not perfect - maybe you started asking too much of yourself and couldnt live up to your own expectations?

hard to say....


whatever the case it would be good if you go see a therapist to help you through this - just my opinion - the illness and the 2 transplants - could be enough to bring on ptsd - get a professional opinion - and in the meantime come and tlak to us if you need info or support and we will do our best to help you - you dont have to go through this alone
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Be safe, be well, be happy

Maybecrazy

 
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