I'm new here... After a few years of fighting it alone I finally got some help in coping with my PTSD. I hope to find people here that battle the same kind of things so I won't feel so alone. The PTSD is caused by rape, and I am just trying my best to cope...
Yes, I am in treatment. PTSD was diagnosed last year, and after waiting for half a year I got hooked up with a therapist 6months ago. With the help of meds and sessions I have been able to at least get a better balance in my life somewhat. My therapist and I are going to work up to the point where I will be able to do EMDR with her.
My symptoms are flashbacks, rage, sleepdisorders (up for days to crash), nightmares (reliving really) panic, hightened alertness and depression when I get too exhausted of dealing with all the symptoms. So far the meds have helped in getting a kind of "normal" sleep pattern, I get like 5 hours a day now. This helps enough with the depression bit, and it has lifted somewhat already.
I too have problems with flashbacks and sleeping. My PTSD comes from 2 abusive relationships that spanned 10 years. I was diagnosed with PTSD 8 years ago this month and still getting treatment. Back then I was having blackouts, flashbacks, migraine headaches, depression, etc. Today I still have flashbacks, mood fluxuations and dive into depression when something happens that is similar to an event of the past. It took me a long time to figure out my triggers, but realized that I cant prevent them from happening. My therapist is waiting for my son to be born and is going to start me on a new treatment plan that is supposed to help stop the triggers from happening. Its not supposed to erase the memories of what happened, but help me stop reliving the moments. I have times when I feel like I am back in that position, I can feel, hear and see everything the same way. Those are the worst ones. Especially at night when I am trying to sleep or get to sleep.
Last edited by mod-anon; 04-06-2009 at 12:57 PM.
Reason: please do not ask personal questions
I am sorry for what you went through, it sounds like quite an ordeal. You're a strong person for living through that and now getting the help you need to get through it the right way.
Triggers are hard to deal with. I have learned most of them but not all, and the ones I don't know hit me the hardest. I am still trying to figure them out. Until now the main goal has been to help me cope with daily stuff like work, household chores, and the right balance between night- and daytime. My sleep pattern is still disturbed even though it's better than it has been. After years of fighting this alone, it's not easy to share the unshareable or to admit that I do have a problem. I guess by searching out help I at least conquered that bit. Some days I allow the numbness to take over, especially when I am just too tired to fight and/or deal with the problems I encounter. My therapist was the first person that told me that what happened to me wasn't my fault, and that I didn't lose my mind. I am trying my hardest to believe that she is right. In the meantime my mind is playing tricks on me... Seeing danger everywhere, reliving my trauma, dreaming about it, feeling it all over... It isn't always clear to me that what I feel and dream is not taking place in the present time. I still have some work there. Like you I can feel, see, and smell the things I did then. Or be reminded of it when I least expect it...
Has you therapist given you techniques to deal with the flashbacks when they happen? How are you going now? I know it must seem like things will never get better - but they can - its 2 years since I was attacked at work - and I am a lot better than I was at the beginning when it seemed like was being hit by wave after wave of emotion
now instead of feeling like i was standing in the middle of a storm its like the storm is nearby and just hits me on and off - progress there is hope and you are not alone ok - tkae care MBC
I have been better... My therapist and I are still working on ways for me to deal with flashbacks etc. So far, those have just come up without me having a clue as to why they happen and I find it very hard to get back to the present time. I also try to avoid all situations that could trigger one, but it makes me isolated from my surroundings a lot. I'm quite jumpy most of the time, and besides going to work etc. I am pretty much housebound by my own doing.
I do keep a journal, have done so since the rape. My therapist has read some of the entries, especially those that are about the trauma itself. The aftermath of the whole thing is not even ok at the moment, I'm lost and still not balanced as I should be? I have a very hard time accepting that things cannot be the same as before, but I have an equally hard time being hopeful for better days?
It's good to read that you made progress these last 2 years. That's really great!
yep at times it seems like you are stuck but you get past that - accepting that I have changed is still something that i struggle with - i want to be the me from before - but hey thats not going to happen - im getting there and I know you can too - take care MBC