About 7 years ago my life changed. I was only 14. But I watched my best friend leave this world... Brutally... I havnt been the same since. I never use to cry and Now I cry all the time. I cried over that stupid Ikea lamp commercial. I cry for no reason. Because of what happened to her I can't drive, I am terrified of cars, i'm terrified to to and drive or even be a passenger. i'm an emotional wreck.
Its destroying my life. When something, no matter how big or how small, goes wrong I feel like I cant do anything, I feel like nothing is worth doing and so i just dont do anything. I give up even when there is hope or something is so important. I cant help it. I dont want to be like this but I just cant find the courage to do anything about it. I'm afraid I cant be fixed, I'm so scared.
Part of me thinks my own mind is attacking me, keeping me this way because I still blame myself for what happened, I live in the what if's. Maybe I dont deserve to be happy. Maybe I deserve to Cry....
Sweetie you don't deserve to cry. It sounds like you have been traumatized by what happened to your best friend and have felt a very deep loss. Did you actually witness what happened to your friend? If so, that must have been horrifying. What you really need is some professional help. Perhaps someone who specializes in grief counseling or a support group for people who have lost a loved one. I hope that you get all the love and support you need to deal with what you have experienced.
you can be helped and you do deserve to be helped - crying is good to let out all the pain .
As niknak77 said I hope you can find a therapist to help you through this - if you need to talk come back and talk to us - we are here to listen - please reach out in the real world and find a therapist to help you
sounds like u have PTSD. Post traumatic stress disorder. u seem to want to cry all the time! and stupid things. i no how u feel. i have PTSD too. its a depressing thing but u can overcome it. im tryin too but it is hard. my reason for having PTSD is because when i was 6 i went into hospital for a tonsil opperation. sounds simple. but it turned out over complicated. they cut my adonoids too deep so i bled into my stomach, i was left bleeding for 11 hours straight, i poisened myself wiv my bleeding giving me mesonteric addonitis. not good, then i was put through so much pain. i eventaully had a cardiac arrest was needed defibbing.soon i started Fitting. resulting in me suffering from PTSD. Anyway enough about me. What you witnessed was cruel and a seriously terrible loss. jus keep ur friends and family close and if u need to chat wiv the do so.
Hope this helps
Last edited by mod-anon; 05-21-2009 at 04:49 AM.
Reason: please keep these Boards anonymous
I'm sorry that happened to you Chongo. It couldnt and cant be easy.
I've been thinking for awhile that may be the problem.
My best friend dying in front of me wasnt the only thing. I dont find it hard to talk about her, Its keeping her memory alive... But the other things dont need to be remembered.
I've been getting worse the last couple months. Crying more, Sleeping less...
I saw a doctor on Tuesday. He's scheduling a Psychological Evaluation. That makes me feel like i'm crazy. How is talking to strange people who dont have a clue about me or what ive been through going to help? They just get paid to listen to crap with no real idea of what its like... and having them analyze my every word, every action just to tell me something is wrong with me, and that I already know.
Maybe i should just medicate... I'm tired of being so damn sad all of the time.
I cant even talk to the people I love anymore...
My boyfriend of two years, Hes a wonderful supportive guy who loves me. Yet when I'm sad I dont want to talk to him.. I'm tired of burdening him and everyone else with my problems and my pain. Its not fair.
and thank you everyone for your comments. For the first time, I feel like someone understands and so I dont feel like i'm burdening.
Last edited by Masheen4; 05-23-2009 at 08:02 PM.
I used to feel the same about psychologists - how can someone who has no idea who I am or how I feel/cope help me - but they did - I found 2 good ones trained and experienced in dealing with trauma - 2 out of 3 were great - - I had one that didnt help and it took me a while to agree to see another one - but the next one was brilliant! he really helped me - then he got sick so I had to get another psychologist and I found a great lady to help me -
she left for another job and I will shortly be seeing anew Psychologist - its hard starting again but I know they have helped me so much and I know I dont want to live this way -
I hope you give it a try - keep posting and letting us know how it goes ok
you never know they may help. But i agree with you. they really dont know the real bain your going through. i had to see one when i was 7 because of this. It really didnt help. He predicted that i'd be fine by the age of 13. now at 17 im worse. I developed social phobia becasue of my PTSD. not good. =[. but try them. it may work for you.
Chongo, the one's I saw (apart form the one that didnt help) did seem to understand what I was going through - but you have to find what works for you - like I said there are good one's who are trained in Trauma and then there are the ones that arnt -
I was lucky and got two that were trained in trauma and they really helped - I think I was a bit vague so I wanted to make that clear - I hope you find something that works for you
take care Chongo and keep letting us know how you are going MBC