That is the story of my life lately. To be honest, I have yet to start my medications (2) ... For one reason, I think I may only need the Celexa. But, I am afraid to really start it because it causes weight gain. The Risperdal, which they are using to treat symptoms of the C-PTSD, which also can result in weight gain, just seems like its a little too strong for me. But, when it comes down to it, I have my good and bad days. Some days I feel like I really should start it, others I feel like I don't need them.
Also, I have not seen my Therapist in a few weeks or so due to funds. I also missed my Psychiatrist appointment (which was just to check on the meds; he knows I hadn't started them yet; I was waiting on the prescription assistance program anyways at that time) ... I want to go so bad. I NEED to see him. I miss him. How crazy is that? I NEED to go but priorities (bills, etc) come first. Either way, I've had a lot of stressful moments where A LOT
of other thoughts were racing through my mind. I don't know how much more stress I can put on my plate at this moment. I really cannot take 1 more thing, or I'm afraid I am going to burst. Also, I did cut/scrape bad in my usual place (upper right thigh) because hubby & I got into a huge fight ... over self-medicating myself with alcohol, etc. (which is normally unlike me on good days because I am not a drinker) So, I got angry and he wouldn't give in, and I locked myself in the bathroom.
But, I slept the entire day the following day and was fine days thereafter.
Here is the ordeal at the moment, which made me feel like I needed to write. I also think I saw someone else mention something to this nature awhile back as well. Anyways, there has been an unbelievable amount of stress the past week and a half. More than I EVER thought I could possibly handle. I finally had a breakdown tonight crying, which resulted in an anxiety attack. But, several days prior to tonight, I have laughed at everything instead of cried. I would just sit there, stare into space, and laugh at everything going on when it is not remotely funny at all. What is wrong with me? I feel like I am going crazy!!
I apologize for the lengthy post. I guess I just need someone to talk to, or at least some place to vent ... in "private". I am scared, frustrated, sad, depressed, angry, and stressed more than 10 people could handle.