It has been suggested that I may be suffering from ptsd. Im a 42 yr old woman living happily with her civil partner. (weve been together 7 yrs).
My problem is the past wont let me forget... my dad who died in 2003 was an alcoholic. It triggered at the time all the bad memories. Ive had councelling some years back just after he died and although it made me see none of it was my fault and that none of it was normal, but i still suffer with nightmares about my childhood, but in them i am older, but scenerio is like when i was a kid, the houses we lived in, my surroundings, his drinking ruling our lives and ruining our lives! I wake up feeling drained and even depressed after some of the more traumatic nightmares, where hes extremely abusive to my mother.
(in reality - he was a jeckel and hyde character, thats the best way to explain it, he never hit my mom but he was a very nasty drunk who you stayed clear of or he would attack you. we never got in the way!)
Anyway, aswell as the nightmares, i have always had trouble sleeping at night. It gets to midnight and my adrenelin seems to kick in.
This was when he would start to get drunk at home and I think its related to this. My body seems to be stuck in the past!
Im often awake at 4 and 5am so tired i could cry. I also get restless legs sometimes. I take cocodemol now, in the hope it will knock me out. The doctor gives me sleeping pills occasionally - rarely and i have run out at the moment. I just dont see how i can ever change.
I just needed to say something here and hope someone knows what I am going through.