please help me
Please help me. I am in pain, full of anxiety, and desperate for some relief or release. While I am working with a psychologist to try to address some of these issues, the help is not enough. I have been denied help from both the county and the state, and unless I commit a crime, there seems to be no way out and no help.
Allow me to tell you about myself. I was raised in a very abusive environment. My mother first tried to murder me at the age of 5. My step father was an abusive drug dealing diabetic who was mentally unstable himself. I was beaten often as a child and was humiliated daily. When at the age of 16 I turned violent, I was made a ward of the court. Things were going fine until just before I escaped. A confrontation with a deputy sheriff on his front door step led me to be moved from the half way house I was staying at. Fearing I would be returned to prison and wanting to find my biological father, I moved.
Once here I eventually became a very good worker. I was good enough to build custom homes worth millions. I tried to open my own business as a contractor, but an on the job fatality ruined that.
During the time after I escaped, I was constantly paranoid, and lived in fear of going back to prison. After the statutes of limitations ran out, I did not know how to be anything else.
I eventually passed my journey mans test. Six months after I passed that test, I ruined my shoulder on the job and that ended that career. I spent the next two years laid up trying to mend.
The first surgery on my shoulder left me in more pain than the injury did and a constant painful tremor in my shoulder. After a second surgery, I was fine until I slipped and fell at a friends house and had to have a third surgery. The third surgery left me pretty limited in my range of motion and with another tremor although not as bad as the first.
When I was finally released to go to work, I did not know what to do with myself. I eventually went to truck driving school, but had to end that career about five years later.
After truck driving I started going to school again. That’s what I do now, study construction management. While preparing to go to school, I thought I would investigate scholarships and scholarships for the disabled. This led me to wonder what my actual disability rating was, which led me back to my doctor. The doctor took some x-rays of my shoulder and suggested I contact a lawyer. I had developed pagcl, which means that the cartilage in my shoulder had gone away. There are several cases of this happening after an inter articulate pain pump was used on a couple million people. The manufacturer of this pain pump is getting sued. Unfortunately, I am ineligible for this pain pump lawsuit because I dislocated my shoulder about ten years previously.
I am tired of living this way and tired of feeling like I am being screwed. Before I went to prison I wanted to join the Navy. In 26 days. When I tried to open my own business my partner who had 15 years more experience than me did something incredibly stupid and got killed. When I finally got my journeymans card, I got crippled up. When I was told that everybody but me is going to get paid very well for this bad drug, I got depressed and angry. Everytime I have tried to better my self and improve my station in life, I get kicked squarely in the face. I have lost the joy of life and pray for death constantly. I know that this life is supposed to be a gift, but mine is broken.
The workmans compensation insurer who is handling my injury may very well deny my claim for depression and anxiety caused by the constant amount of pain I live in all the time. They will do anything to save them selves a buck. If they do deny my claim, I will be left with absolutely no resource for mental help.
I do not want to live this way
I do not know what else to do.
I cut part of a finger off and broke my back twice so I am no stranger to pain, but this will never heal. It will never get better and there is nothing that anybody can do about it. I appreciate the beauty of the world around me and am thankful for it, but it is not enough when the pain and the tremor keep me awake, night after night.
I am writing to you out of desperation, please help me.
Last edited by Administrator; 08-23-2009 at 05:48 PM.
Reason: removed identifying details, removed disallowed details and subject matter. Please read the rules.