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Post-Traumatic Stress Disorder (PTSD) Message Board


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Old 09-04-2009, 04:38 AM   #1
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PTSD and Relationship issues with Trust - Help please!

Hello there. I am new to these boards and would really appreciate your help with this matter
I was diagnosed with PTSD years ago (die to childhood abuse) and I thought I got over it quite well but my best friend who is male says I never trust him and I have mini meltdowns where I acuse him of not meaning what he says/
eg - He could say to me "You know everything about me cos we speak every day" and my brain automatically says " He doesn't want me to phone anymore" or if he is with other friends I automatically think he doesn't want me around anymore. The other day I wanted to buy him a top which cost alot and he said not to buy it cos he was too old to pull it off, for some insane reason my mind said 'He doesn't want to be that close to you' and when I told him he just launched into the fact that I was acting crazy and it was simply because he thought he would look too old in it and I could buy him whatever I wanted.
Although he is REALLY tolerant with me it does get too much for him sometimes and he tells me he couldn't cope with me as a partner but like tonight he said "The reason you love me is because I don't take on board any of your crap and give in to your tantrums" Which is true because when he upsets me and I cry cos I don't believe what he has said to me, he just says "Stop crying and grow up" which sounds harsh but generally works.Then as usual he spends the next hour going through the reasons he adores me before telling me that I'm being neurotic and he knows I can't change that.
The thing is I don't want to be like this - I hate myself cos I am always saying "your just going to ditch me" and he really must get sick of it but somehow my mind just convinces me that he doesn't like me or that he is lying to me to be nice. How can I stop this? cos I don't want to lose him (Lets face it - it must be exhausting for him) and he is the one constant in my life who makes me smile.

Any advice to stop the thoughts flowing through my mind and is this mistrust norm in PTSD?

 
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Old 09-05-2009, 10:02 AM   #2
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reg12 HB User
Re: PTSD and Relationship issues with Trust - Help please!

Hello alexier. Welcome to the board. Yes unfortunately your mistrust of everyone is a symptom of the disorder. Good friends are hard to come by and I can understand why you are so concerned. The way you feel and react is something that was formed a long time in your past due to the constant conditioning you when through as a child. These are not easily changed as you well know. You can not take a pill or wish them away. The thoughts will flow through your mind. There are ways to change how you think and process the thoughts. Are you seeing professional help at this time?

 
Old 09-09-2009, 02:26 AM   #3
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Re: PTSD and Relationship issues with Trust - Help please!

Quote:
Originally Posted by alexier View Post
How can I stop this? cos I don't want to lose him (Lets face it - it must be exhausting for him) and he is the one constant in my life who makes me smile.

Any advice to stop the thoughts flowing through my mind and is this mistrust norm in PTSD?
I started shouting STOP. I know this may sounds totally silly and not something people may believe, BUT it does work. As the other poster said, you have been conditioned from a young age, (as I was) and so your reactions to a perfectly normal question/statement is to totally misunderstand or question why that has been said, self doubt takes over. And the key thing about the STOP thing is - if you don't listen to yourself shouting the first time, shout STOP again and again and again..........finally your brain will accept that the old way of thinking is not the thing to do. Good luck.

 
Old 09-10-2009, 06:38 PM   #4
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Re: PTSD and Relationship issues with Trust - Help please!

Sorry to hear you are having problems, I think you will find some good suggestions from the others.
I found a good counselor helped me to learn my triggers (words, thoughts or where I am, etc) and then to learn how to control the situation. Like, the previous poster said use the word STOP. Say it to yourself. Yes, good idea. I have used that and other things to help myself. There are other things we can do, like some wear a rubberband around their wrist and snap it to get the thoughts cleared. Have a coin in your pocket and hold it for a reminder to not believe the negative thoughts. I have an angel coin I keep with me to hold.
The best thing I can suggest is to find a good counselor. Someone to talk to and learn how to deal with your feelings. Everyone is different, and it can be best to find someone you can talk to privately. I went to therapy for years and finally remembered what happened to me as a child ( I lost 10 years of my childhood memories). Then the healing started, and slowly with working with my therapist I found ways to stop those messages in my head. The memories grew grey and stopped coming so much.
Your not alone, and if you cannot pay for therapy there are programs in the state to help you, free of charge or on a sliding fee scale if you work. Use them, that is why they are there. I was never denied help, and keep posting if you need help with anxiety or anything to do with PTSD.
Good luck, and you have a great friend. Cherish Him.
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Old 10-22-2009, 06:16 AM   #5
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maybecrazy HB User
Re: PTSD and Relationship issues with Trust - Help please!

oh yes, the insecurity demon and i are good friends ashe visits me on a regular basis lol

misreading people is something i do all the time...... as isitme said saying STOP! is a great way to stop the thoughts - taking a couple of minutes out if you can is also good and saying ok if i was saying this to someone what would i mean?

when you are used to rejection you tend to keep an eye out for it ..... and see it even if its not there - and we push people to see if they will leave and when they dont we say yay! and then...... well one day they will ... so better keep an eye out for it lol

A good therapist would help with this ... because as Reg12 said you cannot wish them away ....... its about changing thought patterns - ones that may have kept us safe a long time ago but dont serve a good purpose now - its ok to be on guard - but not all the time ...

thats just my opinion.... i hope you are ok and i am glad youre friend has stuck by you

take care and as rmsjohns said keep posting it helps.
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Old 10-23-2009, 03:27 PM   #6
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Re: PTSD and Relationship issues with Trust - Help please!

I've been going through the same issue, but not exactly with friends, it's more like with boyfriends, it's caused me a lot of pain. I also have suffered child abuse which is the cause for my PTSD, this is pretty much exactly what happens to me, the constant crying, the lonelyness and hopelessness. I've destroyed every one of my relationships because of it, this is the first time i've seeked help, i'm glad to know that i'm not the only one going through this.

 
Old 10-24-2009, 03:11 AM   #7
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maybecrazy HB User
Re: PTSD and Relationship issues with Trust - Help please!

just wanted to say welcome to the board - you will find people here who have been through similar things who can maybe help you - take care - and i am very sorry these things happened to you too
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Last edited by mod-anon; 10-24-2009 at 10:34 PM. Reason: Please do not discuss private contact on the Boards.

 
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