I must admit, this is the last place I thought I would have posted something. BUT - I guess my understanding of - POST TRAUMATIC STRESS DISORDER - wasn't completely right. I always thought it was limited to war - veterans... I recently asked some friends some questions and one of them referred me to check out PTSD...
I was looking up some specific symptoms I have - and one word came up on the internet... "HYPERVIGILANCE..."
For many, "hypervigilance" is a natural response following violent trauma, whereby your mind and body instinctively remain alert to any additional potential threats — real or imagined — to your wellbeing. Hypervigilance can be an outcome of the anxiety experienced as part of Acute Stress Disorder or Post Traumatic Stress Disorder. Feelings of hypervigilance can come and go at different times, often trigged by certain people or situations. During a time of heightened hypervigilance, many survivors experience strong bursts of nervous energy — a drive to keep "doing something." Often this energy is subconsciously aimed at managing the anguish, pain, and anger resulting from their violent experience.
Symptoms of hypervigilence can include sleeplessness, anxiety, panic attacks, and obsessive or obsessive-compulsive behavior. It is important to recognize hypervigilence and to try to channel that energy into constructive activities, and to find a way to rest and relax.
That word - is exactly to a, "T," of what I deal with... I get into these states of mind - where things mean things. I'm always on the defensive - I'm extremely sensitive to stimuli - and everything means SOMETHING negative towards me. I read into things all the time; I get anxious and start thinking things that are untrue... It really bothers me. It controls me - and it all stems from my past.
I've been abused physically. Emotional, verbally - all that stuff accompanied having an alcoholic father. I was the youngest - I got beat the most. I stood up for my dad alot - even when he beat me. I felt bad for him. I felt like I could change him, fix him... And to this day - I still have moments when I'm brought back to those states - when someone fights in front of me... I get extremely messed up inside.
Anyways, please let me know if this sounds like PTSD... I'll be happy to say alot more if anyone has questions. Please ask away! As I said, "I DONT KNOW ANYTHING ABOUT PTSD!" I relate to the symptoms thats for sure. Please help me!
Thank you for your honest reply. I'll keep that in mind when I start to see therapists again. I hope someone will come through and relate to everything I say. Do you by chance relate to some of the things I am saying?
Please explain your situations / circumstances - that can and do bring about hypervigilant behaviours... (That is - of course; if you relate to them)
Sounds so silly, but certain words have a profound effect on me. I go numb, in an attempt to not let my brain go back to a past where those words were spoken, (but in a different context). I jump at the sound of the slightest noise, (my fone, the doorbell). I'm on guard if people whisper. my brain ceases to work normally!.........and it is SO frustrating. I completely withdraw and feel total despondancy and despair, when 1 minute prior I felt just great. I can't sleep because my past rushes though my mind at 1,000 miles a minute.
And no, you don't have to have been in a war to have this stupid, annoying problem. But, with practise, it can be overcome.
It's quite possible that you don't really know who you are or how to feel in life because of all the experiences you have endured up to this point. Lost is probably the term best fitted. You have no identity because the people who have impacted your life so negatively have stripped your identity away by their actions. Of course some not willingly, or knowingly. The important thing is to gain back some identity. To somehow trust again, allow yourself to feel "Good and positive" feelings. I know one thing that helped me better understand myself, life, and other people was a book called "Conversations with God book 1 by Neale Donald Walsh". And know this has NOTHING to do with religion, I am spiritual but not religious and actually laughed at the person who recommended this book to me I told them I would never understand anything to do with God, didn't even know at that point in my life if I even believed in God anymore, and I never understood the bible either. But they insisted it was not religious, it was a life guide. And that's exactly what it is. I had gone through therapy, popped pills like xanax, anti depressants, nothing helped. So no way did I feel some silly book would put a dent in how I felt inside. But it changed my perspective in life, no longer struggled with anxiety attacks or depression. Wasn't an instant cure of course, but it helped me understand myself, and from there I was able to better understand the world around me and the people in it.
People are good for the most part, but we all make mistakes, some doozies! Your father, regardless of how he treated you, he was ill, he needed help that he never obviousl received and probably very much longed for. You know they say we hurt the ones we love the most? It's so true. Words, verbal, physical, whatever type of negative impact can do some pretty hefty damage to our souls. And usually shows later in life. You work on finding out who you are. PTS or not, you should try to begin with gaining back the person you always were- prior to the negative impacts.
xoxoxo
I too suffer from words being spoken. I practilly jump out of my skin. Anything that can be sexual, I just freak because, I believe, of sexual abuse as a child! I often wonder if this is PTSD. I do have flashbacks. Thanks for your post, isitme. It has been very informing and supportive for me.
AmVan
I too suffer from words being spoken. I practilly jump out of my skin. Anything that can be sexual, I just freak because, I believe, of sexual abuse as a child! I often wonder if this is PTSD. I do have flashbacks. Thanks for your post, isitme. It has been very informing and supportive for me.
AmVan
Hi there,,James here,,I have had PTSD for yrs,,you can get it for abuse,rape,car accident,combat(me) please get professional help,it won't go away but you learn to deal with it..good luck...James
James, I'm sorry to hear about your PTSD from war. I'm really disapointed to hear it never goes away. It's so embarrasing, to say the least. I will talk to my Tdoc about this. It's been too dificult to even talk about it to him. This board has enabled me to do this. I value your post. It has been very helpful. AmVan
BUT - I guess my understanding of - POST TRAUMATIC STRESS DISORDER - wasn't completely right. I always thought it was limited to war - veterans...
I'm always on the defensive - I'm extremely sensitive to stimuli - and everything means SOMETHING negative towards me. I read into things all the time; I get anxious and start thinking things that are untrue... It really bothers me. It controls me - and it all stems from my past.
I've been abused physically. Emotional, verbally - all that stuff accompanied having an alcoholic father. I was the youngest - I got beat the most. I stood up for my dad alot - even when he beat me. I felt bad for him. I felt like I could change him, fix him... And to this day - I still have moments when I'm brought back to those states - when someone fights in front of me... I get extremely messed up inside.
Anyways, please let me know if this sounds like PTSD... I'll be happy to say alot more if anyone has questions. Please ask away! As I said, "I DONT KNOW ANYTHING ABOUT PTSD!" I relate to the symptoms thats for sure. Please help me!
Thanks,
8800gts
Actually my dad was also a violent alcoholic. I have covered for him in the past, lied, covered bruises. I have stood up for him as well. I feel that was partly in compassion for his own mental and emotional ill health, and partly due to the terror I still feel in anything involving my father. It does sound like my experience with PTSD.
I didn't think you had to be a veteran to have PTSD, but for some reason I was sure it was incredibly rare among civilians, so I was pretty shocked when I was diagnosed.
Like you I am very sensitive to stimuli-- sometimes. The smell of alcohol makes me instantly sick, certain rap music, the sight of a certain type of car. I literally cannot fight off the urge to hide from certain triggers. Other times I don't notice anything. I've nearly been run over a few times because I never registered the sight or sound of a vehicle approaching.
__________________
"Happiness is a warm puppy." -Charles Schulz
I'll keep that in mind when I start to see therapists again. I hope someone will come through and relate to everything I say. Do you by chance relate to some of the things I am saying?
Re: Please! advice! 
