Re: Control issues
Hi I am also new, I might be dealing with PTS but not quite sure. I read your post and I am pretty much the same way. Because of my "perfectionist character" I have battled anorexia 2x in my 43 yrs, anxiety etc..
I also have some OCD- I don't like dirty or cluttery. Reason being I discovered is that so many things in my life are so out of my control, out of reach, helpless, have no control over it, that I need something to control.
My former anorexia battle was control over what I put in my mouth, sounds stupid right? But it is SOMETHING I COULD control. When the world around me falls apart, I clean, I have to keep busy, mind has to be occupied.
Then I become exhausted and tired. It's as if someone revs up my engine until I run out of gas and my mind is like pushing Play and FF at the same time until I give out.
I strongly feel it is due to issues in our lives, families seperating (not speaking to one another, not close), or people in our lives that we lost along the way, watching the news and seeing/hearing what is taking place in this twisted world, just not being to stablize what is going on around us, for sensative folks like us, it's just difficult to accept so we go on these control freak episodes, has to be our way, and such a certain way or we get VERY upset, moody, depressed, angry. It's actually not healthy to be TOO in control or be the decision maker all the time. My husband is so used to me making decisions now he asks me to make every single one and guess what "THAT BOTHERS ME" lol- how demented is this right? I get angry and ask why HE doesn't make decisions once in a while, why is it always up to me. And he will
say "because every time I make a decision, it's wrong!" But he is so right about that. I have now tried to back off some, would the world really come to a screeching hault if I just allow someone else to decide something? no!
So little by little I let someone else decide, I don't agree most of the time but I know the next time I can choose or decide. Ask your husband to help you, to remind you that you are being controlling, and don't get mad when he tells you, hug one another during this, he can be a huge source of help but you have to let him know you want it, that you DONT want to be this way.
And little baby steps, let HIM make a decision, small ones at first, like where to go to dinner, or WHAT to have for dinner, small issues, start there because they are the easiest ones. This way if you want Burgers and he wants pizza, you can give into the pizza that particular night and have burgers another night to still satisfy your own desire.
Baby steps is the way to go, and be open to his /others suggestions. Negotiate if it helps it along, and remind yourself "I have to let him decide SOME things". xoxoxo good luck!