If what you say is true, then he should be confronted and pay for what he did to you. I would tell your cousin what happened and go from there. Of course you have trust and delf esteem issues. You were so young and didn't know what to do. You trusted and thought this was a guy who you would feel safe with. No matter if you were a little tipsy, it was not an excuse to violate you. He is especially a bad person also because of the knife held to your throat. What a jerk and he should go to jail. He is a criminal. You NEED TO GET MAD AND QUIT THINKING THAT YOU HAD SOMETHING TO DO WITH THIS OR THAT YOU SOMEHOW DESERVED IT.