Delphinus85

Hey guys, I am brand new and recently diagnosed with PTSD from seeing a counsellor about issues I had in my past with my family.

I really could use some advice here. I have been through 2 counsellors so far, trying to get help for this issue that keep cropping up in my life. I do feel relieved to have a name to finally give this beast, but the name isn't helping me beat it. I was seeing one counsellor, but she wasn't helping. Fact of the matter is, she was making it worse by almost forcing me into group sessions (I really was terrified of these sessions because I didn't want to be around other people) and she tried to make me participate in activities that are against my faith.

At any rate, I am seeing a new counsellor and started with a blank slate. She also diagnosed me with PTSD, and I had my third session with her today. It did not go well. I was sharing an experience about how a certain organization did one thing publicly and another privately and how this hurt me. She then, in full knowledge of my beliefs and struggles in the past) used this as a weapon to attack my church. I told her that made vastly uncomfortbale, but she never apologized. Rather, all that happened as a result is that I quite successfully crawled back in my shell for the rest of the session and bawled like a freaking baby for 2 hours at home. When I asked her what I can do to at least get through the next few weeks as we study child abuse at school (in my classes for education) she said "just change your way of thinking!" I had to bite my tongue to stop myself from saying: "Jesus, lady. If I knew HOW to do that I certainly wouldn't be paying you almost $100 an hour, now would I?!"

The worst thing is, all these counsellors have been asking me what *I* want to do to fix it. I can't tell them what, because if I knew HOW, I certainly wouldn't need them. I just don't know what to do and I am at my wits end. I feel like there is no safety anywhere, and I just can't trust people. Save for random people on the internet, you know? *sigh* I have been seriously considering abandoning my hard-and-fast approach of trying to beat this without using drugs. I mean, I am seriously thinking about ditching therapy altogether and just seeing if I can find some shrink to give my anti-anxiety meds so I can at least get through the rest of my life without the panic attacks and bouts of anger. As for the flasbacks and nightmares....oh well.