is anyone around - i am feeling a little out of control ... its coming up to the anniv of my attack adn i am trying to stay positive - its not for about 7 weeks yet so i shouldnt even be thinking about it - but it keeps coming to mind....
I guess i just wish i felt safe ...
__________________
Be safe, be well, be happy
Maybecrazy
The following user gives a hug of support to maybecrazy: Searchin (12-14-2010)
I am sorry to hear that you were attacked. I had some trouble in June. The whole month I could not get the "incident" off my mind. It really affected me and it happened 20 years ago! I never told the police. I was drugged and then someone came into my home and raped me. I barely remembered it and the only reason I did is because I woke up in the middle of it going on. I still can't make out his face in my mind but I can remember him being on top of me and other things. I know what you mean when you feel out of control. I almost let myself get angry. As usual I just stuff it down,down, down. You are not crazy but it might drive you crazy if you don't vent. It is good to have this site to talk to people don't you think? I wish you felt safe too. Is the attacker in jail? Hope I can help. Sincerely, searchin
I just came back to this board after a "sabbatical" and came across your posting. SO sorry to hear of your attack and the fear that seems to stay with those that have been attacked.
What if you thought about life just 10 minutes at a time; it might help. I mention this because it helps me when the PTSD flashbacks and stuff come kicking in.
I was raped at 16 (a virgin) with a knife at my neck and honestly, I just remember I was 16, I don't have any idea of the actual day. Still have phobias, was raped 2 years later, and then in 2003-2004 for 6 months my Psychologist was sexually abusing me.
Yup, the 10 minutes of living life at a time has really helped me when those memories come up.
I wish you health and that the pain of that memory and all that comes with it dissipates over time, but quickly!
thanks Searchin and naps with Cats (love that name i am so sorry for what happened to yuo both - it can be a cold hard world out there
what i went through was nowhere near as bad as what you two suffered - i wasnt physically hurt - i was attacked at work by a patient who used a piece of hospital equipment as a weapon (trying not to trigger anyone) i guess its that it went on for a long time - about 4 hours and 4 more wiht us having to look after/interact with him minimally witht he police there til he was taken away - I work wiht patients that are condfused so ive ben hit occasionally - ii dont hold a grudge they dont know what they were doing - this guy did - thats the differenceand afterwards my company seemed to be lookking for a scapegoat rather than helping us - but thats the past
and i have to let it go
but i am so angry at him ..... sighs....... and ive tried to forgive him and i say the words and i think i mean them - but then somthing happens to remind me i am stil broken and the aggner flares again......how do i get rid of the anger and forgive him - then i can let this go maybe....
Anger is part of the healing process. It is how you process the anger that counts. Have you asked God for help in forgiving this man. Not only did you have injury, insult was added to that when the company did not stand behind you. It probably made you feel like you weren't validated, as if it did not happen the way you said it did. Do not waste anymore time on this than you have to. Work through it like I know you can and do not let the man that attacked you have power over your life. Sincerely, searchin
this is probably going to sound dumb - but i think im past it - i think ive actually forgiven him? - a friend of mien and i were talking about this and i said i had forgiven the man and my friend said no you havnt - and i said i have - and he went on saying nope - you havnt - i got the feeling he was baiting me - but i carried on the conversation - until suddenly i went over the edge and got lost in anger
my friend was saying say to me what you would say to him- and i did - i told him i wanted him to suffer like we had - i told him i wanted him to have nightmares and flashbacks and jump at the slightest noise - i really got angry - and i never get angry -
then my friend was saying forgive him adn i was saying NO ! because of ... adn i would rant and rave some more ...I dont think i have ever let go of my anger before like that i usually stuff it down...
anyway finally i realised the guy was .. well he had problems - and i forgave him and felt i actually had let go of the anger....
theni cried a bit - and i dont cry either- i dont get angry or cry - but i did both ...
and i felt like a weight had been taken off of me ....and although i am stil having ups anddowns cos the anniv is around the corner - i feel much better
I hope you guys are gettign some help and that things improve for you soon.
Thank goodness for your friend. He helped you so much through role playing! I am so happy for you. A lot of people just do not get it but you did and I a thankful for your heart is at peace now. You can always take the anger back but I think you just r ready to move on. I am here if you need to talk. Sincerely, searchin
