Originally posted by Tigre: |
You're right about the ptsd bringing back some forgotten or "dealt" with issues. I have always been a strong person until this year. In Jan I got hit in the head by a 5 ft metal door and it required staples to close it, doc said I was lucky because it could have been fatal. My small kids witnessed it and it was a mess as well as all the crap following it. I have partial complex seizures do to this and permanant neck adn right shoulder muscle damage. I cant drive and lost the ability to draw..(amateur artist). But since all this has happend, it like brought back all the things that I had laid to rest with a vengeance...molested, raped, my parents divorce ( i was blamed) twice from each other let alone other people, almost being killed by an ex drug abusive boyfriend and last but not least living through Hurricane Andrew. And that was just brought back up with the Hurricane Isabelle thing....phew talk about a panic then!!! I have permanat damage now and I am having such a hard time dealing with all this. All the other stuff before the head injury was dealt with and therefore i tended to not think about it...if i did it was just a passing thought...no panic or anxiety involved. But my neuro psychologist said that the head injury pushed the PTSD button so to speak. I am so nowhere near the person that I was. But I will handle it and things will get better...if only these meds would start working together instead of against each other lol. Anyway, thank you for you story and to let me vent whats been hounding me for a few days now.
Hi Angi ... vent all you want. I can take it
Somethings are just better out than in... like thots that just want to be expressed somewhere hey?
**** ... you have had a rough go, and I understand what its like to suddenly have a disability too where you can't do what you've always loved doing anymore. Arthritis effects my hands... which I've always loved doing creative things, and making money. Money making is limited now too
No more jewelry and flogging for that extra income. I also just loved to USE myhands...hand-writing was a big joy, typing and keyboarding just ain't the same. I love to massage my sweetie too, andcan't anymore...hurts me too much, etc.
I'm going on and on here just to let you know I empathize and know how hard it can be to accept and adapt to losing an ability that brought joy and/or money making ability. Those issues can really hit me deeply sometimes. Put me in a really deep down. You have to go thru the grief process for the losses tho. Accepting is a process hey? Takes time to know all the "you don't know what you got til its gone" things.
Isn't it a drag to have a history of trauma so that when a new one hits then the whammy brings the old stuff up too? Seems like nothing is experienced totally for the current trauma or problem. The door is always opened to the old stuff too.
I DO know that I've worked and processed thru a lot of my most severe traumas so that they don't derail me anymore. I think thats due to understanding and to just plain old "desensitization" thru exposure ... if you see something enough eventually you won't be afraid of it because you learn that seeing it can't, and doesn't, harm you. Can't hurt you anymore because its past and not happening anymore, etc.
Same with phobias I guess. Overcoming fears. Your logical head may know that little spider won't hurt you, but your emotional side just won't bloody believe or trust that, so every time you see a spider you glom onto the ceiling with your claws. Practice practice practice.... exposure til theres no fear because the fear is unrealistic now. Like little kids we have to have that proven. Fear is the problem. Not the spider.
blah blah blah ...
Anywise Angi, I'm sorry to hear what you went thru,the past and the accident that disabled you. As for the panics etc ... they're horrible to go thru, but they do pass. It takes a whle to trust that and ride them out. Meanwhile, there are a lot of little techniques to try manage when things are getting too intense, or you're hit with an attack. Its just a panic attack and will pass, but doesn't feel like it.
I used to force my focussed attention on my hand, clench and relax my hand while forcing myself to breath slowly and deeply. It took practice and it worked more often then not to help derail a panic, or cope with it once it started.
I have to go now, but will keep visiting back here. Write as much as you want
Thanks for your reply and for sharing some of your story...take care!