punchingbag

I am married to a woman who survived a bloody genocide. She'll talk about that part of her life with no evident difficulty. What IS evident are her sudden, unprovoked episodes which seem to be classic symptoms:

• hostility
• emotional withdrawal
• distrust
• unfettered nastiness
• control via threat
• disgust with me, the marriage, etc.
• violent tendencies (smashing, throwing or breaking things)
• suicidal ideation

I suggest the following:

• Don't take this stuff personally (yeah; that can be hard to do)
• Accept a time-out; give him/her the space & time they need (yup; sometimes plans get cancelled)
• Identify the triggers (if possible) and try to avoid them
• Be good to yourself
• Avoid getting pulled into any outbursts (uhh, also hard to do)
• Use whatever support network you may have

When episodic, my wife places blame and avoids responsibility. In general, she is unwilling (or unable) to be positive, is harshly critical and micro-managing (denies both), unreasonably cynical, very slow to self-disclose and largely self-centered.

That she does not abuse substances is remarkable. Since she conveniently blames me for any "problem", drinking to forget or to numb her pain isn't necessary. I wonder how this <2 year old marriage willl eventually impact me, tho. . .

Continue to seek information.