Hello, I'm new to the site. My Name is Nina. I had the worst dream about my PTSD last night so bear with me while I type it out.
For the longest time I have resentment over my grandfather molesting me when I was younger. I never took him to court because he is now 75 and is slowly dieing. He is suffering enough. I found it in my heart to forgive him and move on with my life because I do not want him to suffer and I do not want to put the family though such disdain. So here is my dream:
In my old house where I was living with my parents I felt a rage towards them for some reason. I do not know why. They are trying to talk to me and I will not listen. I am throwing things, being irate, kicking and screaming. As the time passes, which seems like forever, I finally realize I have children. I get past all of my destruction where I confront my mom and step father how much I don't care and how much it doesn't matter to me how they feel. I grab my children and head to the next house where apparently my grandparents are living. I pile my children in the back with some clothes and belongings to head back to god knows where but I know it is away from them. Getting caught by the police and thrown against the car to be put in handcuffs my parents told them I was crazed and would hurt my children.
I was taken to a hospital in a gown where my family located me. They came into the room along with my grandfather. They were trying to talk me down and comfort me but I would not have anything of it. I cursed, screamed, cried, and said nasty hurtful things to them. One was confronting my grandfather of his molestation that was never spoken of before. In a glimpse of an eye I see him with a gun. He runs into the waiting room where no one seems to notice him. Through arguments I hear screams and shouting. He was trying to kill others. Then one gun shot later he kills himself. I fall to the ground and cry as hard as I ever cried. After the matter I am in my grandmothers kitchen. We are looking through his things and notice dirty pictures he had of me and him. (I never did them with him but for some reason this is in my dream) He also had a cake in my name while naked and eating it. There were other pictures of him being gay with another man. I then noticed the mail coming in and got it for my grandmother. One was addressed to me.
He apparently sent me a card with a letter inside telling me how sorry he was and how he never meant to hurt me. Telling me he loved me and that I was an important person in my life. Crying hysterically again I went to my grandmother and told her she was welcome to live with me and my parents for support. I knew she could not live alone. It was the least I could do for what I had done by taking out my anger and screaming at my grandfather about the molestation and him killing himself for it.
Well, that's my dream. I'm not proud of it and I don't know why I was so angry with my parents. I wouldn't talk to anyone. I was in my own rage and refused out of it by any means. Im glad to get it off my chest and on here regardless if anyone posts. Its appreciated if I do get replies