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Old 03-27-2012, 03:09 PM   #1
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I'm Tired Of Hiding

Hello all,

PTSD is my mistress but I don't recall when the relationship began.

I'm tired of wearing the mask that is normalcy,only to realize that it's being done to try and blend into society.

I'm tired of dealing with the hypervigilance,the anxiety,flashbacks and all.Heck,I can't even drive a car with the radio on.

When the going gets tough,the tough(in this case)retreat for another day.

Please tell me that i'm not alone;that it's not just me that would wish that telling people what is going on with me would be met with even an inkling of understanding or compassion.

I'm going to stay true to myself and for whatever it's worth,am going to keep trying;trying to seek for a better quality of life.....

I owe it to myself.

Being in victim mode is one thing but staying there becomes character-replacing and life-altering.

Respectfully stated
Ryan
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Old 03-27-2012, 04:07 PM   #2
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Re: I'm Tired Of Hiding

You are in the best of places Phoenix. You can expect the same amount of compassion and understand as the zillions of posts where you give compassion and understanding to others. As for myself, when I first joined this site, I was thinking the same thing. If not for your kind words to me, making me feel welcome, I don't know if I would have stayed.

Hugs and Prayers go out to you

 
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Old 03-27-2012, 04:22 PM   #3
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Re: I'm Tired Of Hiding

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Originally Posted by Arianna2 View Post
You are in the best of places Phoenix. You can expect the same amount of compassion and understand as the zillions of posts where you give compassion and understanding to others. As for myself, when I first joined this site, I was thinking the same thing. If not for your kind words to me, making me feel welcome, I don't know if I would have stayed.

Hugs and Prayers go out to you
Pamela,

Truth be told,I am giving of myself now more than ever before.The weight is way too heavy for me to bear and i'm just one person.
I'm posting more threads and replies and truly hope that people can see the sincerity in my posts......

Some say I have a sincere approach to my responses but I don't view it like that.....
I just see myself answering from within;that relatable but oh so sensitive place that vulnerability stems from.

I'll leave it at that for now.

Humbly stated,
Ryan
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Old 03-27-2012, 05:33 PM   #4
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Re: I'm Tired Of Hiding

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Originally Posted by Phoenix View Post
Pamela,

I'm posting more threads and replies and truly hope that people can see the sincerity in my posts......

Some say I have a sincere approach to my responses but I don't view it like that.....
I just see myself answering from within;that relatable but oh so sensitive place that vulnerability stems from.

Humbly stated,
Ryan
But dont you see? The first sentence says you hope people can see your sincerity, then you doubt yourself. Don't worry, anyone who has kept up with your posts, knows you are the REAL DEAL.

 
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Old 03-27-2012, 05:46 PM   #5
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Re: I'm Tired Of Hiding

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Originally Posted by Arianna2 View Post
But dont you see? The first sentence says you hope people can see your sincerity, then you doubt yourself. Don't worry, anyone who has kept up with your posts, knows you are the REAL DEAL.
Pamela,

I do that to myself constantly;doubt.
It's frustrating,when I actually look at it.
I'm just riddled with uncertainty,more often than not.

Tend to look in the mirror and see a diamond in the ruff.

Respectfully
Phoenix
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Last edited by Phoenix; 03-29-2012 at 07:07 AM. Reason: additional comments

 
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Old 03-30-2012, 06:36 AM   #6
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Re: I'm Tired Of Hiding

Quote:
Originally Posted by Phoenix View Post
Hello all,

PTSD is my mistress but I don't recall when the relationship began.

I'm tired of wearing the mask that is normalcy,only to realize that it's being done to try and blend into society.

I'm tired of dealing with the hypervigilance,the anxiety,flashbacks and all.Heck,I can't even drive a car with the radio on.

When the going gets tough,the tough(in this case)retreat for another day.

Please tell me that i'm not alone;that it's not just me that would wish that telling people what is going on with me would be met with even an inkling of understanding or compassion.

I'm going to stay true to myself and for whatever it's worth,am going to keep trying;trying to seek for a better quality of life.....

I owe it to myself.

Being in victim mode is one thing but staying there becomes character-replacing and life-altering.

Respectfully stated
Ryan
Hi Pheonix - your words of 27.3.12. I reiterate. Your words, your thoughts are mine (well almost). You seem so strong on other posts? Take care

 
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Old 03-30-2012, 07:35 AM   #7
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Re: I'm Tired Of Hiding

Quote:
Originally Posted by afriendindeed View Post
You seem so strong on other posts? Take care
Hello afriendindeed,

Every now and then,I will originate a thread,if for nothing else but to let people know that my advice comes sincerely from within.I've walked so many metaphorical miles in my own shoes,that the soles are worn.
I post with both sympathy and empathy because I can relate to an individuals plight.
When I say that i've been through my share of negative experiences and then some,rest assured that there is truth behind each and every statement.

I'd like to think that in helping others,I am also doing myself
some good.

Respectfully
Phoenix
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Last edited by Phoenix; 03-30-2012 at 07:41 AM.

 
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Old 04-08-2012, 05:16 AM   #8
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Re: I'm Tired Of Hiding

Your'e a poet or a writer right?

Hiding. I do it all the time. Can I ask you as a "veteran" do you have memory loss? Sorry, is that off the topc again? I ask this because so many times I have been caught out with people quoting stuff to me and my memory is sooo bad and I run and hide and pretend that I do remember very vaguely. I hide behind my mask everyday with work big time and my family, my friends. I sometimes wonder maybe I am developing alzherimers or is this PTSD? I know a couple of people that I mention PTSD and they just pretend that I haven't heard me and to be honest it sort of upsets me cause they are supposed to be good friends and don't want to see or understand so again I put on the hiding act and pretend that I'm okay cause it's the too hard basket for them to want to understand. It is a hard basket that we are in. I seriously think that people think that we are making up our disabiility a lot of the time. It so debilitates me and I find it terriblly exhausting after the attacks. Wish there was more education to the others outside there so that they don't make us feel so bad. Take care Phoenix



Quote:
Originally Posted by Phoenix View Post
Hello afriendindeed,

Every now and then,I will originate a thread,if for nothing else but to let people know that my advice comes sincerely from within.I've walked so many metaphorical miles in my own shoes,that the soles are worn.
I post with both sympathy and empathy because I can relate to an individuals plight.
When I say that i've been through my share of negative experiences and then some,rest assured that there is truth behind each and every statement.

I'd like to think that in helping others,I am also doing myself
some good.

Respectfully
Phoenix

Last edited by Administrator; 07-18-2012 at 03:36 PM.

 
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Old 07-05-2012, 12:20 AM   #9
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Re: I'm Tired Of Hiding

How have you guys been doing these days?

Respectfully
Phoenix
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Last edited by Phoenix; 07-19-2012 at 04:03 AM.

 
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Old 07-06-2012, 08:22 AM   #10
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Re: I'm Tired Of Hiding

Pamela and Afriendindeed:

It's dawned on me.

I've been in victim mode way too long for my own liking.
If I want something bad enough,I have to at least make some effort to strive towards it.

No one's going to see me,if I don't put myself out there to be noticed.

Hopefully I can tap into those talents(each of us has them) and begin to put pen or pencil to paper.

Enough talking about it.

Now I have to concentrate on my next move;whatever it may be.
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Last edited by Phoenix; 07-10-2012 at 04:47 AM.

 
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Old 07-18-2012, 02:30 AM   #11
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Wink Re: I'm Tired Of Hiding

It's dawned on me.

I've been in victim mode way too long for my own liking.
If I want something bad enough,I have to at least make some effort to strive towards it.

That's what I call progress. Congatulate yourself.


Now I have to concentrate on my next move;whatever it may be.

Mmmm.....actually doing it....whatever that it may be! It is/will be a struggle but the struggle becomes easier the more often you tackle it!

Last edited by isitme; 07-18-2012 at 02:32 AM.

 
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Old 07-18-2012, 06:12 AM   #12
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Re: I'm Tired Of Hiding

Thank you for responding isitme

Your response was like a breath of fresh air,since we've known each other and expressed opinions over the years.

Your wisdom is on point and I see you've been handling things quite nicely.

Looking back at the posts over the years;wow.

July just seems to be a bad month for me.

My birthday and 4 days later the 7 year anniversary of the motor vehicle accident that still plagues me today.
Not to mention the Olympics begin on that date.Also,my attorneys are to appear in court on the 7 year anniversary.

Enough of all that.

Thanks again for responding;it's really appreciated.

Respect with sincerity
Phoenix
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Old 10-28-2012, 03:29 PM   #13
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Re: I'm Tired Of Hiding

Quote:
Originally Posted by Phoenix View Post
Hello all,

PTSD is my mistress but I don't recall when the relationship began.

I'm tired of wearing the mask that is normalcy,only to realize that it's being done to try and blend into society.

I'm tired of dealing with the hypervigilance,the anxiety,flashbacks and all.Heck,I can't even drive a car with the radio on.

When the going gets tough,the tough(in this case)retreat for another day.

Please tell me that i'm not alone;that it's not just me that would wish that telling people what is going on with me would be met with even an inkling of understanding or compassion.

I'm going to stay true to myself and for whatever it's worth,am going to keep trying;trying to seek for a better quality of life.....

I owe it to myself.

Being in victim mode is one thing but staying there becomes character-replacing and life-altering.

Respectfully stated
Ryan

I read your post and it could have came straight out of my mouth not too long ago.

I have been very lucky to find people who somehow understand whats going on with me and most that dont understand accept it and help in someway. This took a while and might not last long as people forget. Usually my expectations are too high but right now i have people who have met them. So i wanted to pass on the support.. you are not alone searching for it! I too find it difficult to have any sort of relationships with people who dont know this broken fragile side of me..and i hate to be a 'downer' but i need to have a real relationship with people one thats on this level.. otherwise the whole world just seems unreal.

Retreat for another day is a struggle i try to over ride everyday.. and i am only in this anxiety state a year now and i am fed up. You are defiantly not alone and maybe i am hopeful as i am young in this and and just newly supported.. but i do believe there is always a better quality of life waiting and the struggle we should fight everyday is to find it

 
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Old 10-31-2012, 03:44 AM   #14
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Re: I'm Tired Of Hiding

Please feel free to post as often as necessary.

The commonality of things binds us and will ultimately help us,as no person is an island.

You don't have to hide anymore...you can believe on that.

We're here for you.
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Old 02-24-2013, 04:36 AM   #15
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Re: I'm Tired Of Hiding

C.S. Lewis wrote:

You doubt your value; don't run from who you are! You've got an extraordinary destiny, something greater than you could've imagined!
(The Voyage of the Dawn Treader)

We all hide. We all have crises in confidence. Some of us are thinner skinned than others. Find what makes you happy...being with animals, playing music, daydreaming, exercising, etc. Other people can be cruel or manipulative. It is these people that make you despair. But there are others who are kind, tolerant, unconventional, interesting and intelligent. Just the same as you..or me. Don't be afraid. Live life the way you want to and stay away from people who aren't good for you.
Take very best care.

 
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