PTSD is my mistress but I don't recall when the relationship began.
I'm tired of wearing the mask that is normalcy,only to realize that it's being done to try and blend into society.
I'm tired of dealing with the hypervigilance,the anxiety,flashbacks and all.Heck,I can't even drive a car with the radio on.
When the going gets tough,the tough(in this case)retreat for another day.
Please tell me that i'm not alone;that it's not just me that would wish that telling people what is going on with me would be met with even an inkling of understanding or compassion.
I'm going to stay true to myself and for whatever it's worth,am going to keep trying;trying to seek for a better quality of life.....
I owe it to myself.
Being in victim mode is one thing but staying there becomes character-replacing and life-altering.
Respectfully stated
Ryan
__________________
When in doubt, post it out.
The following user gives a hug of support to Phoenix: Arianna2 (03-27-2012)
You are in the best of places Phoenix. You can expect the same amount of compassion and understand as the zillions of posts where you give compassion and understanding to others. As for myself, when I first joined this site, I was thinking the same thing. If not for your kind words to me, making me feel welcome, I don't know if I would have stayed.
You are in the best of places Phoenix. You can expect the same amount of compassion and understand as the zillions of posts where you give compassion and understanding to others. As for myself, when I first joined this site, I was thinking the same thing. If not for your kind words to me, making me feel welcome, I don't know if I would have stayed.
Hugs and Prayers go out to you
Pamela,
Truth be told,I am giving of myself now more than ever before.The weight is way too heavy for me to bear and i'm just one person.
I'm posting more threads and replies and truly hope that people can see the sincerity in my posts......
Some say I have a sincere approach to my responses but I don't view it like that.....
I just see myself answering from within;that relatable but oh so sensitive place that vulnerability stems from.
I'm posting more threads and replies and truly hope that people can see the sincerity in my posts......
Some say I have a sincere approach to my responses but I don't view it like that.....
I just see myself answering from within;that relatable but oh so sensitive place that vulnerability stems from.
Humbly stated,
Ryan
But dont you see? The first sentence says you hope people can see your sincerity, then you doubt yourself. Don't worry, anyone who has kept up with your posts, knows you are the REAL DEAL.
But dont you see? The first sentence says you hope people can see your sincerity, then you doubt yourself. Don't worry, anyone who has kept up with your posts, knows you are the REAL DEAL.
Pamela,
I do that to myself constantly;doubt.
It's frustrating,when I actually look at it.
I'm just riddled with uncertainty,more often than not.
Tend to look in the mirror and see a diamond in the ruff.
Respectfully
Phoenix
__________________
When in doubt, post it out.
Last edited by Phoenix; 03-29-2012 at 07:07 AM.
Reason: additional comments
PTSD is my mistress but I don't recall when the relationship began.
I'm tired of wearing the mask that is normalcy,only to realize that it's being done to try and blend into society.
I'm tired of dealing with the hypervigilance,the anxiety,flashbacks and all.Heck,I can't even drive a car with the radio on.
When the going gets tough,the tough(in this case)retreat for another day.
Please tell me that i'm not alone;that it's not just me that would wish that telling people what is going on with me would be met with even an inkling of understanding or compassion.
I'm going to stay true to myself and for whatever it's worth,am going to keep trying;trying to seek for a better quality of life.....
I owe it to myself.
Being in victim mode is one thing but staying there becomes character-replacing and life-altering.
Respectfully stated
Ryan
Hi Pheonix - your words of 27.3.12. I reiterate. Your words, your thoughts are mine (well almost). You seem so strong on other posts? Take care
Every now and then,I will originate a thread,if for nothing else but to let people know that my advice comes sincerely from within.I've walked so many metaphorical miles in my own shoes,that the soles are worn.
I post with both sympathy and empathy because I can relate to an individuals plight.
When I say that i've been through my share of negative experiences and then some,rest assured that there is truth behind each and every statement.
I'd like to think that in helping others,I am also doing myself
some good.
Hiding. I do it all the time. Can I ask you as a "veteran" do you have memory loss? Sorry, is that off the topc again? I ask this because so many times I have been caught out with people quoting stuff to me and my memory is sooo bad and I run and hide and pretend that I do remember very vaguely. I hide behind my mask everyday with work big time and my family, my friends. I sometimes wonder maybe I am developing alzherimers or is this PTSD? I know a couple of people that I mention PTSD and they just pretend that I haven't heard me and to be honest it sort of upsets me cause they are supposed to be good friends and don't want to see or understand so again I put on the hiding act and pretend that I'm okay cause it's the too hard basket for them to want to understand. It is a hard basket that we are in. I seriously think that people think that we are making up our disabiility a lot of the time. It so debilitates me and I find it terriblly exhausting after the attacks. Wish there was more education to the others outside there so that they don't make us feel so bad. Take care Phoenix
Quote:
Originally Posted by Phoenix
Hello afriendindeed,
Every now and then,I will originate a thread,if for nothing else but to let people know that my advice comes sincerely from within.I've walked so many metaphorical miles in my own shoes,that the soles are worn.
I post with both sympathy and empathy because I can relate to an individuals plight.
When I say that i've been through my share of negative experiences and then some,rest assured that there is truth behind each and every statement.
I'd like to think that in helping others,I am also doing myself
some good.
Respectfully
Phoenix
Last edited by Administrator; 07-18-2012 at 03:36 PM.
Your response was like a breath of fresh air,since we've known each other and expressed opinions over the years.
Your wisdom is on point and I see you've been handling things quite nicely.
Looking back at the posts over the years;wow.
July just seems to be a bad month for me.
My birthday and 4 days later the 7 year anniversary of the motor vehicle accident that still plagues me today.
Not to mention the Olympics begin on that date.Also,my attorneys are to appear in court on the 7 year anniversary.
Enough of all that.
Thanks again for responding;it's really appreciated.
PTSD is my mistress but I don't recall when the relationship began.
I'm tired of wearing the mask that is normalcy,only to realize that it's being done to try and blend into society.
I'm tired of dealing with the hypervigilance,the anxiety,flashbacks and all.Heck,I can't even drive a car with the radio on.
When the going gets tough,the tough(in this case)retreat for another day.
Please tell me that i'm not alone;that it's not just me that would wish that telling people what is going on with me would be met with even an inkling of understanding or compassion.
I'm going to stay true to myself and for whatever it's worth,am going to keep trying;trying to seek for a better quality of life.....
I owe it to myself.
Being in victim mode is one thing but staying there becomes character-replacing and life-altering.
Respectfully stated
Ryan
I read your post and it could have came straight out of my mouth not too long ago.
I have been very lucky to find people who somehow understand whats going on with me and most that dont understand accept it and help in someway. This took a while and might not last long as people forget. Usually my expectations are too high but right now i have people who have met them. So i wanted to pass on the support.. you are not alone searching for it! I too find it difficult to have any sort of relationships with people who dont know this broken fragile side of me..and i hate to be a 'downer' but i need to have a real relationship with people one thats on this level.. otherwise the whole world just seems unreal.
Retreat for another day is a struggle i try to over ride everyday.. and i am only in this anxiety state a year now and i am fed up. You are defiantly not alone and maybe i am hopeful as i am young in this and and just newly supported.. but i do believe there is always a better quality of life waiting and the struggle we should fight everyday is to find it
The following user gives a hug of support to MovingOntoo: Phoenix (10-31-2012)
You doubt your value; don't run from who you are! You've got an extraordinary destiny, something greater than you could've imagined!
(The Voyage of the Dawn Treader)
We all hide. We all have crises in confidence. Some of us are thinner skinned than others. Find what makes you happy...being with animals, playing music, daydreaming, exercising, etc. Other people can be cruel or manipulative. It is these people that make you despair. But there are others who are kind, tolerant, unconventional, interesting and intelligent. Just the same as you..or me. Don't be afraid. Live life the way you want to and stay away from people who aren't good for you.
Take very best care.
The following user gives a hug of support to Cambridge8: Phoenix (02-24-2013)
The Following User Says Thank You to Cambridge8 For This Useful Post: Phoenix (02-24-2013)
Hey Ryan, I'm new here and we don't know each other but I figured another voice couldn't hurt... so:
You are not alone with this and you don't have to hide. In fact it means a lot to me that you have had the courage to post here about your feelings. This is the kind of thing that saves my life every day and I don't know what I would do without it.
Thank you so much.
Kayla
The following user gives a hug of support to kaylalala: Phoenix (03-26-2013)
The Following User Says Thank You to kaylalala For This Useful Post: Phoenix (03-26-2013)
Hey Ryan, I'm new here and we don't know each other but I figured another voice couldn't hurt... so:
You are not alone with this and you don't have to hide. In fact it means a lot to me that you have had the courage to post here about your feelings. This is the kind of thing that saves my life every day and I don't know what I would do without it.
Thank you so much.
Kayla
Hello Kayla and welcome.
Your post speaks volumes to me.
Thank you for calling it courage but I tend to view things as either being a necessity or not,for me to get from point A to B.
There are times I have to sit back and analyze my situation,regroup and generate motion...........this is one of those times.
You have it in you to share;I can sense it in you.
Please remember that even baby steps denote forward movement.
Welcome again.
Respectfully stated,
R
__________________
When in doubt, post it out.
The following user gives a hug of support to Phoenix: kaylalala (03-26-2013)
Just an old friend here wanting to address you on this post.
Phoenix, since ever we met, you have been standing on your head hoping others know your true sincerity ( which we certainly do!). I have never seen anyone try as hard as you to be of help to others.
What I DON'T see is a man trying hard to love himself unconditionally. You have, along the way in your life, been handed some overfull plates of garbage. You have had some things done to you, seen some horrible grief filling things and been handed a bunch of physical pain. In my very unprofessional, but very caring, way, I want to remind you that you were so not at fault for so many things but seem to hold them in you like pains that you deserve. I think there were circumstances that made you feel like "less' and that you have accepted that to a degree. No. No. No. These burdens that came about because of others must stop being burdens to your soul.
From my heart of hearts I am saying gently to you to stop looking for others to make you feel worthwhile. Yes, many of us appreciate you for your reaching out and kindness. Of course we do. But do you ever reach out and give yourself some of that kindness? Not that I have seen, Buddy. You tried to hide from some of the tragedy in your life in unhealthy ways, but in your own strength and character you stopped the unhealthy coping and pulled yourself up by your bootstraps. However, while the unhealthy coping has ceased, you continue to beat Phoenix up routinely.
Pull yourself up tall, my friend, and accept the past as just that... the past. Accept that you did not cause many of the things that haunt you, but were the recipient. Grieve for the things that hurt you so. Perhaps the greatest lesson I learned in my own mental and spiritual agony was that I had never grieved for the things I had lost. Not just loved ones, either. I had to grieve for lost body parts, grieve because I had been so very ill, grieve for time lost. I needed professional help to understand that I could grieve for myself. I didn't even know how to grieve, but I learned and then, boy did I grieve. Then I learned to assess and acknowledge to myself the many good qualities about me. Like you, I often was a people pleaser in order to feel okay about myself. I still have a yearning to help others, but now also have a satisfaction with myself just because I am me.
I so want you to feel true happiness and joy in living. I really do. And it must start when you acknowledge your own worth just because you are Phoenix. Grieve for all the hurt... face it head on , grieve it, and never let it control you again. Learn to truly love yourself and experience joy in life.
Hugs
reach
The Following User Says Thank You to reachout For This Useful Post: Phoenix (04-04-2013)
Re: I'm Tired Of Hiding 
