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Old 01-07-2012, 06:51 AM   #1
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suffering from PTSD

Hi and hello. I'm from Aus and am now 53 and believe from my past psychologist's and pysch's reports that I have been suffering from this probably going on from 3-4 years of age. Sadly, it has not left me and sadly to this day I cannot pin point where it exactly happened and exactly what the experience was. I know from my life experiences that I have suffered (and remember them very well but wonder if there is something I have blocked out), so many things and particularly as a young child (so my "bad experiences" as I nicely like to put them were many to say). I know when I am stressed that these attacks happen and I know some triggers which I try to avoid. Trying to explain this to someone that does not know PTSD makes one feel silly. So, sadly to answer your question, for me it has been life long. When it happens I have to go along with it and sometimes it is not timely. I do get to the point where I have to throw up and always feel very tired and sometimes have to sleep. I try to live each day normally and do not have therapy of any sort and am no longer on any medication as I felt none of it did any good for me. I am yet to try hypnotherapy of which my psychologist thought I might be ready for a few years ago. I wish the people responsible for our PTSD could be suffering for what they did though, it angers me at times.

 
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Old 01-07-2012, 12:25 PM   #2
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Re: is this a lifelong fight?

To a friendindeed : (I wish the people responsible for our PTSD could be suffering for what they did though, it angers me at times.) I totally agree. I am not the type of person that goes and gets revenge on the person or people that have caused me to feel the way I do. My feeling are my own and I have control over them (most of the time) but what happened to me was so traumatic because the person I knew (I thought) would never hurt me so bad that It caused PTSD. I am angry but more than anything my heart hurts knowing someone that says I LOVE YOU would hurt me so bad.
I wish the person that hurt me would suffer the pain both the body and mind just for awhile to feel like I did and still do. I don't know if I will ever forget, I must forgive because I have been forgiven. To forgive was hard to do and I still am not sure if I have been sucessful, I think so but I am so angry I not sure at times.

 
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Old 01-08-2012, 03:17 AM   #3
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Re: is this a lifelong fight?

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Originally Posted by Saddie098 View Post
To a friendindeed : (I wish the people responsible for our PTSD could be suffering for what they did though, it angers me at times.) I totally agree. I am not the type of person that goes and gets revenge on the person or people that have caused me to feel the way I do. My feeling are my own and I have control over them (most of the time) but what happened to me was so traumatic because the person I knew (I thought) would never hurt me so bad that It caused PTSD. I am angry but more than anything my heart hurts knowing someone that says I LOVE YOU would hurt me so bad.
I wish the person that hurt me would suffer the pain both the body and mind just for awhile to feel like I did and still do. I don't know if I will ever forget, I must forgive because I have been forgiven. To forgive was hard to do and I still am not sure if I have been sucessful, I think so but I am so angry I not sure at times.
Hi Saddie098. Revenge would be a bitter sweet thing but?? The hurt has been done and we have endured and still are. Would they respond the same way as we have and would it effect them to the degree that it has us? I somehow don't think so for they are the perpetrators and for doing such in the first place obiviously are people that have no inner thought. My dad beat my mum up in front of me when I was sleeping in a cot in their room and I still can see the beatings as if it was today. I was molested as a 5 year old by a teenager and so it goes on. I have memories that come back to haunt me in my anxiety attacks that are so vivid at the time but cannot remember them afterward which I find so frustrating. Many days I find thoughts crossing my mind that I have to fight off for fear that I will have an attack. It's not fair that we have to live like this. I read somewhere on a website through hypnosis that they can take this away. Have you looked into this and do you think this is possible? Afriendindeed

 
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Old 01-08-2012, 07:55 AM   #4
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Re: is this a lifelong fight?

Hi to afriendindeed,
You are so right, I like the way you see things. I also saw my Dad beat my mother several times very severely. But back in the day (we are close in age, I am 56) I thought that was how everyone lived so It was just a way of life for me and my sister and brother. I was also beat by my spouse, I married at a young age, but again I thought thats how things were to be. But as I grew up, I realized that's not how things are to be. We divorced and I went through my life looking for someone that was kind that did not drink and so forth. I thought I found him, was I wrong, after 7 years of marriage he put me in the hospital for 3 days. I know now that suffering from PTSD is a life long battle, I have seen Doctor after Doctor and without success.
I would love it if someone could do hypnosis on me and make it all go away. I will look on my computer to find out more information on it, it sounds great if it would work. I wish you the best, hopefully we both can find an end to this inner suffering and live our life in peace without memory of our unwanted past...
Your friend in need, Saddie098

 
Old 01-09-2012, 04:14 AM   #5
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Re: is this a lifelong fight?

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Originally Posted by Saddie098 View Post
Hi to afriendindeed,
You are so right, I like the way you see things. I also saw my Dad beat my mother several times very severely. But back in the day (we are close in age, I am 56) I thought that was how everyone lived so It was just a way of life for me and my sister and brother. I was also beat by my spouse, I married at a young age, but again I thought thats how things were to be. But as I grew up, I realized that's not how things are to be. We divorced and I went through my life looking for someone that was kind that did not drink and so forth. I thought I found him, was I wrong, after 7 years of marriage he put me in the hospital for 3 days. I know now that suffering from PTSD is a life long battle, I have seen Doctor after Doctor and without success.
I would love it if someone could do hypnosis on me and make it all go away. I will look on my computer to find out more information on it, it sounds great if it would work. I wish you the best, hopefully we both can find an end to this inner suffering and live our life in peace without memory of our unwanted past...
Your friend in need, Saddie098
Hello Saddie098
You don't know how good this feels to find someone to talk to after all these years.Being similar age group and growing up in the same era is a help to be able to discuss on the same wave length. My family and my partner (0f 3 years) if I ever mention anything of my episodes look at me like I have 2 heads, seriously, and then I question myself. Yet, the attacks are so vivid and so real and to the point of the physical reactions of throwing up and debilitation of sleepiness and weakness. Their reactions hurt me sometimes. Talking partners, I have been married a couple of times and my recent person yes there has been physical but not for some time as they know this is it. It's like we attract them or that is what we are attracted to because that is what we know. My mum and dad I now as an adult see both sides of the story now and yet there is no excuse for physical I can see my dad's misery and more than likely depression for his reactions but again no excuse for the physical and apparently hit my sisters and I copped a small abuse toward the end (which my memory has erased). I never used to until the last few years but I have lived a miserable life. If I'm saying too much tell me bu, t do you have silly things that bring on attacks? Mine are pink towels. Sometimes I can get away with looking at one but most of the time they bring on an attack. I think why? We had pink bed covers at home when I was a child and I wonder if it were them? I will look up the website but I know it is an Australian one but there is surely one over there but they state no need to tell them what is happening to you, your symptoms, your past which I am dubvious of. My psychologist talked of deep hypnosis and I have heard under hpynosis that it can be pretty daunting so for the person doing such I would think that they would really need to know the person's history. It would need a little investigating before going into this maybe via your doctor. Let me know what you find. Good luck Saddie

 
Old 01-20-2012, 06:11 AM   #6
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Re: is this a lifelong fight?

Hi Saddie

Just wondering how you are going and you have had any chance of further investigations. My days have been busy but only a couple of weeks ago many attacks in one week and throwing up again. Have subsided now. I have no recollection of why they happened at the time. Again, debilitating, needed to rest. I have done no further investigation. Got tired of myself i gues. Take care

Quote:
Originally Posted by afriendindeed View Post
Hello Saddie098
You don't know how good this feels to find someone to talk to after all these years.Being similar age group and growing up in the same era is a help to be able to discuss on the same wave length. My family and my partner (0f 3 years) if I ever mention anything of my episodes look at me like I have 2 heads, seriously, and then I question myself. Yet, the attacks are so vivid and so real and to the point of the physical reactions of throwing up and debilitation of sleepiness and weakness. Their reactions hurt me sometimes. Talking partners, I have been married a couple of times and my recent person yes there has been physical but not for some time as they know this is it. It's like we attract them or that is what we are attracted to because that is what we know. My mum and dad I now as an adult see both sides of the story now and yet there is no excuse for physical I can see my dad's misery and more than likely depression for his reactions but again no excuse for the physical and apparently hit my sisters and I copped a small abuse toward the end (which my memory has erased). I never used to until the last few years but I have lived a miserable life. If I'm saying too much tell me bu, t do you have silly things that bring on attacks? Mine are pink towels. Sometimes I can get away with looking at one but most of the time they bring on an attack. I think why? We had pink bed covers at home when I was a child and I wonder if it were them? I will look up the website but I know it is an Australian one but there is surely one over there but they state no need to tell them what is happening to you, your symptoms, your past which I am dubvious of. My psychologist talked of deep hypnosis and I have heard under hpynosis that it can be pretty daunting so for the person doing such I would think that they would really need to know the person's history. It would need a little investigating before going into this maybe via your doctor. Let me know what you find. Good luck Saddie

 
Old 01-22-2012, 08:10 PM   #7
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Re: is this a lifelong fight?

Hi friendindeed,
Just returned from a short get away. It was so important for me to do this, I have been really stressed out. The thing is I don't know why..... I feel alittle better but that gray cloud still looms over my head. I hope you are feeling better. I will see my Doc the first of the month and I hope she has some answers for me about the hynosis. Take care, I think of you often.
Your friend in need, Saddie

 
Old 02-14-2012, 03:34 AM   #8
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Re: is this a lifelong fight?

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Hi friendindeed,
Just returned from a short get away. It was so important for me to do this, I have been really stressed out. The thing is I don't know why..... I feel alittle better but that gray cloud still looms over my head. I hope you are feeling better. I will see my Doc the first of the month and I hope she has some answers for me about the hynosis. Take care, I think of you often.
Your friend in need, Saddie
Hello Saddie

Been a while since I have posted as have been busy myself. I have had no major attacks of late but went through a stage where I could feel one looming and it's hard to explain to somone, it's like a threat hanging over you and as much as you try to push it away it just hangs there waiting so maybe the cloud thing is similar. I hope you had some luck with your doctor re the hypnosis. I'd be very interested to hear about your news. Good luck. Take care.

 
Old 02-23-2012, 03:58 AM   #9
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Hello Saddie

Been a while since I have posted as have been busy myself. I have had no major attacks of late but went through a stage where I could feel one looming and it's hard to explain to somone, it's like a threat hanging over you and as much as you try to push it away it just hangs there waiting so maybe the cloud thing is similar. I hope you had some luck with your doctor re the hypnosis. I'd be very interested to hear about your news. Good luck. Take care.
Saddie. Just to let you know that I have been in contact with a person here in Aus that does hypnosis with success in anxiety cases. I cannot afford at the moment but the cost is AUD$125 for a session. I spoke with a friend today and she said that sounds about right. I will look into it shortly as my attacks have got bad again so much so I was driving and had to pull up along side of the road to almost vomit. It was debilitating along with embarassing. I'd like to get to the bottom of this. Hope all good Saddie

 
Old 02-23-2012, 06:23 AM   #10
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Re: is this a lifelong fight?

To a friendindeed,
Hi, so sorry to hear about what happened to you. I spoke with my Doc. and she explained that sometimes it is not a good idea to get hypnotized, many people with PTSD are so fragile emotionally that it could make things worse, remembering all the details and all. I not sure if I agree with her but now I am alittle scared to go there. She said that she would do hypnosis if thats what I want but again I have alot of thinking to do.
One reason is that I believe that I was abused as a child as well as an adult but I not sure. I have blanked out alot of my childhood because it was always in such termoil. My mother has passed but my Dad is still alive and I am afraid to ask him questions. There are bits and pecies I remember but for now that's about all I what to remember. I hope you get to feeling better, right now I am just hanging in there by my wits. Sometimes all I do is cry and I really don't know why. So that brings me around to do I or don't I what to remember.........Best wishes, Saddie

Last edited by Saddie098; 02-23-2012 at 06:27 AM. Reason: spelling

 
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Old 02-23-2012, 06:39 AM   #11
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Originally Posted by Saddie098 View Post
To a friendindeed,
Hi, so sorry to hear about what happened to you. I spoke with my Doc. and she explained that sometimes it is not a good idea to get hypnotized, many people with PTSD are so fragile emotionally that it could make things worse, remembering all the details and all. I not sure if I agree with her but now I am alittle scared to go there. She said that she would do hypnosis if thats what I want but again I have alot of thinking to do.
One reason is that I believe that I was abused as a child as well as an adult but I not sure. I have blanked out alot of my childhood because it was always in such termoil. My mother has passed but my Dad is still alive and I am afraid to ask him questions. There are bits and pecies I remember but for now that's about all I what to remember. I hope you get to feeling better, right now I am just hanging in there by my wits. Sometimes all I do is cry and I really don't know why. So that brings me around to do I or don't I what to remember.........Best wishes, Saddie
O'h Saddie, you sound so sad. I feel for you. Maybe another opinion from some other source might be an idea re the hypnosis. I am sooo curious about it and wish to try. You and I have some similarities in our experiences with abuse as a child and adulthood. I know as you I have blanked out some experiences and fear this is what is causing my anxiety and attacks so to get to the bottom of it might clear it all together? Guess like lots of things two sides to everything and what works for one person may not for another. Can you talk to your Dad? I could never with mine. My parents have g
been been gone for a very long time. Don't bottle all up (says me). Talk to someone. We have an association called "Life Line" here a 24 hour service if you just need to talk to someone. I have used them before. We can't help what has happened to us and the way we are, it's not our fault. Remember that. We are a result of someone else's doing. We are all here for a purpose and do not undermine yourself. The person/s that did the wrong to you are the perpretators. You are the good person. Okay!! Talk, talk, talk. I will look for any posts

 
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Old 03-09-2012, 12:47 PM   #12
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Re: is this a lifelong fight?

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Originally Posted by afriendindeed View Post
I wish the people responsible for our PTSD could be suffering for what they did though, it angers me at times.
I just came across this post, and this statement brought something to mind. My exhusband called me from prison 6 yrs after I had left him. I had never known he was there until that day, and to this day I havent seen or heard from him since, even though he is a father and grandfather. He was in NA and part of his 12 steps was forgiveness. He told me how sorry he was and instead of screaming at him, telling him really how i felt, I said "That's ok, Ive gone on with my life" So in a minute or two, he was set free and I was left with the pain and hurt.

I think some with PTSD really do progress and get well, but inho more are unable to get past that wall. For me it is like that ferocious midnight storm that creeps upon me suddenly, and I lay waiting for mother nature to calm somewhat. Sometimes that storm just gains momentum and other times it withers with the morning light. But in either case, it is always there. For me, I have to accept it will be a lifelong fight, but one I hope gets weaker with time.

 
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Old 03-09-2012, 08:32 PM   #13
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Re: is this a lifelong fight?

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Hi, I honestly don't know if I am allowed to post the reason I suffer from PTSD on this board, I certainly don't want to trigger bad memories for anyone here. I won't go into detail, but I was attacked several years ago, I wonder if I will ever be the same again? I have flashbacks that make me physically sick, and strong sense of De'Ja'Vue but with no flash, is that normal several years after an incident happens?

Mellee
Hello Mellee,

How have you been holding up these days?

No one quite understands what we go through on a daily basis.
If I look back at wrong done to me and focus on the perpetrator,I victimize myself once again,which brings me back to square one.

I know it's difficult to view things otherwise but we have to make the attempt,despite how our psyche dictates to us.

I'm fighting along with you,for a semblance of normalcy....

PTSD.....I know what it is and what it does and what it does where it is(those with PTSD understand this).

It's almost seven years since my accident and I can't seem to shake the lies....to keep lies alive for so long.....thinking about it now angers me so......

but we have to put on this "mask" of normalcy;to hide the truth from the public at large,so we can blend in.

Tonight;just for tonight,I don't want to blend in and am allowing the tears to run down my face while I type this;even as the keys appear blurry.

I am allowed this moment;heck,I deserve this moment, as long as I try not to stay entranced in it.

I share this with you tonight,in the hope that you can see that we are all in this together.

Respectfully stated
Phoenix
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Old 03-10-2012, 03:35 AM   #14
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Re: is this a lifelong fight?

Hello Arianna

It must be in our demeanor to say it's okay and to let them walk off into the sunset thinking well that's that and dusted but, not for us as our psyches have been very disturbed and I now believe this will be a lifelong fight sadly. I try very hard from day to day to live normally. I have had flashbacks in front of people that have made me feel off the planet and I have to try my darndest and stare at a wall or something and let them keep talking. I feel faint, sick and off the planet and it feels like its almost going to kill me. Today I came across some paperwork from 2 years ago from a psychiatrist to my psychologist suggesting that I go on a disability pension. I chose not to because I did not want to be labelled at 51. I now work within the community supporting others in need, the elderly, the disabled, down syndrome etc. It takes me away from my situation to concentrate on them and I do enjoy it. Some days I find it exhausting but overall it is good as I know I am making a difference to someone else's life. I have had the odd occasion where I have had a flashback and have to walk away. Generally I need to lie down and shake terribly and cannot breath. Your situation sad. Guess he's thinking it's all okay and you have to deal with the left overs of a bad situation. Mine started as a 4 year old and I am now 53. So have lived with this for 49 years. It's good to talk to others with this condition as trying to explain to somone that does not have the condition they do not understand and think one is loopy?. I was diagnosed with Chronic Post Traumatic Stress Disorder (the difference I'm not totall sure). Take care

Quote:
Originally Posted by Arianna2 View Post
I just came across this post, and this statement brought something to mind. My exhusband called me from prison 6 yrs after I had left him. I had never known he was there until that day, and to this day I havent seen or heard from him since, even though he is a father and grandfather. He was in NA and part of his 12 steps was forgiveness. He told me how sorry he was and instead of screaming at him, telling him really how i felt, I said "That's ok, Ive gone on with my life" So in a minute or two, he was set free and I was left with the pain and hurt.

I think some with PTSD really do progress and get well, but inho more are unable to get past that wall. For me it is like that ferocious midnight storm that creeps upon me suddenly, and I lay waiting for mother nature to calm somewhat. Sometimes that storm just gains momentum and other times it withers with the morning light. But in either case, it is always there. For me, I have to accept it will be a lifelong fight, but one I hope gets weaker with time.

 
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