Hello ptsdemot and welcome.
I too,am a survivor of early childhood disorders;PTSD being one of them.
The memories seem to stand side by side at times but even those episodes will pass....until the next one.
Please realize that unresolved issues are to a person with PTSD,the same as kryptonite is to the fictional character Superman;a weakness.
I'd like to share an experience I had at therapy;condensed version.
My therapist got upset with me because all I did was complain,express emotions and place myself continuously in the victim mode.
She accused me of learning very little over a 4 year span.
My response was that this is where I come to lay it all on the line because when I leave the facility,I still have another 23 hours to deal with all that life has to offer.
What she wasn't seeing was the work that I did outside of her office.
As a matter of compromise,I became a tad positive(dare I use the word).
Therapy has taught me that I don't have to stay victimized for the rest of my days.I can actually lead a meaningful life if I am truly willing to put in the necessary work to attain a better quality of living.
The "perfect life" can become the "ideal lifestyle" with a bit of effort on your behalf,if you so choose.
Just a little something to consider.