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ptsdemot · 12-10-2012, 02:38 AM

I have been diagnosed with depression for the past 20 years, and have been kept "well" with antidepressants. Recently I went for a check in at my psychiatrist's office. He referred me to a therapist, and she diagnosed me with PTSD based on some of the things I grew up with in my family home.

My parents are still married, I have an older brother and sister. I have not spoken to my siblings in the past 12 years (they were also emotionally/physically - though not sexually - abusive to me).

My childhood experiences were as such:

brother and sister hit on me over minor issues (remote control of tv, etc)

mother cut all my hair off because she didnt like my perm

father made me pull my pants down for a spanking at age 12 (puberty had already hit by then)

constant yelling and fighting

i constantly did things like housework to get in my parent's good graces

I would hide in a closet whenever I perceived that I was going to get in trouble

I guess the list goes on and on.

Is there anyone out there that has the same issues as me? I stopped going to the therapist because I really don't see what good will come of me talking about all the bad things that happened in my childhood. It just makes me feel sorry for myself, and it makes me cry (which is not good for kids to see). I currently have the "perfect life" of living in the bubble - 6 figure income, 2 beautiful, smart, healthy children, lovely house, etc...

Please let me know that someone is out there like me!

Phoenix · 12-12-2012, 09:57 AM

Hello ptsdemot and welcome.

I too,am a survivor of early childhood disorders;PTSD being one of them.

The memories seem to stand side by side at times but even those episodes will pass....until the next one.

Please realize that unresolved issues are to a person with PTSD,the same as kryptonite is to the fictional character Superman;a weakness.

I'd like to share an experience I had at therapy;condensed version.

My therapist got upset with me because all I did was complain,express emotions and place myself continuously in the victim mode.
She accused me of learning very little over a 4 year span.
My response was that this is where I come to lay it all on the line because when I leave the facility,I still have another 23 hours to deal with all that life has to offer.
What she wasn't seeing was the work that I did outside of her office.
As a matter of compromise,I became a tad positive(dare I use the word).

Therapy has taught me that I don't have to stay victimized for the rest of my days.I can actually lead a meaningful life if I am truly willing to put in the necessary work to attain a better quality of living.

The "perfect life" can become the "ideal lifestyle" with a bit of effort on your behalf,if you so choose.

Just a little something to consider.

Respectfully
Phoenix

isitme · 12-21-2012, 02:49 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by ptsdemot

I have been diagnosed with depression for the past 20 years, and have been kept "well" with antidepressants. Recently I went for a check in at my psychiatrist's office. He referred me to a therapist, and she diagnosed me with PTSD based on some of the things I grew up with in my family home.

My parents are still married, I have an older brother and sister. I have not spoken to my siblings in the past 12 years (they were also emotionally/physically - though not sexually - abusive to me).

My childhood experiences were as such:

brother and sister hit on me over minor issues (remote control of tv, etc)

mother cut all my hair off because she didnt like my perm

father made me pull my pants down for a spanking at age 12 (puberty had already hit by then)

constant yelling and fighting

i constantly did things like housework to get in my parent's good graces

I would hide in a closet whenever I perceived that I was going to get in trouble

I guess the list goes on and on.

Is there anyone out there that has the same issues as me? I stopped going to the therapist because I really don't see what good will come of me talking about all the bad things that happened in my childhood. It just makes me feel sorry for myself, and it makes me cry (which is not good for kids to see). I currently have the "perfect life" of living in the bubble - 6 figure income, 2 beautiful, smart, healthy children, lovely house, etc...

Please let me know that someone is out there like me!

Yeah ditto, supposedly depressed for a couple of decades, lol.

You say "I currently have the "perfect life" of living in the bubble - 6 figure income, 2 beautiful, smart, healthy children, lovely house, etc...." yet you don't want your kids to see you crying. Can that be true?
I ask because I was in the exact scenario some time back. I'm sure you are enjoying living in your bubble but something is not as perfect as you may think or because of the pain it causes you have hidden it very well in your sub conscious. The answer will lie in family, (close and not so close), your job or money. Although your family is estranged there is still an emotional attachment/grief process to go though.

natski · 12-29-2012, 05:59 AM

I have a huge trauma history and quite a bit of emotional abuse during childhood too. The purpose of talking about it in therapy is to process the feelings you have about your past. These experiences usually lead to particular thoughts or feelings about yourself or the world, and these thoughts/feeling are often negative and are the root of the issues you face today. A therapist might ask you to look back at yourself as a child and think about what you might say to that child if they were yours. How would you console them? what do you want her/him to know? Doing this might help you move on from those negative feelings as you are basically consoling your inner child and processing the events. I agree that it's a really hard thing to do but I urge you to give therapy another go. The person you were seeing may not have been right for you. If you feel like you aren't getting anywhere then change therapists. My doctor said to me that finding a psychologist is like dating, you might have to go through a few duds before you find someone you can work with.

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