Does anyone else get tired of the fact that PTSD, as well as we manage it, never goes away? I am tired of that. I am tired of feeling like I'm losing my mind this time of year. Most of my triggers are tamed and under control, but next week is the 16th anniversary of the apartment fire where I almost died. And I just hate that I have 2-3 wks of spiraling anxiety...I actually feel like I'm losing my mind. I am so on edge, so emotionally fragile, so unable to cope with normal things in life (like moldy bread this morning). I'm taking Ativan right now. (I don't take it year round.)
And every year, I worry that this time, I've truly gone crazy and feeling this horrible will never go away.
Four years ago, I moved back to the same state that I lived in when the fire occurred. The anniversaries are worse. My therapist said that's because my animal brain recognizes the smell of the air, the angle of the sun, the humidity, and all those little things become danger warnings.
I'm just so tired of it.
I've done therapy (at least two long runs of it) and EMDR. I feel mostly under control. Except for times like this. And I hate feel WEAK and I feel like it is STUPID to give something that happened so long ago this kind of power over me.
And I know it's ridiculous to feel that way, because I can't help this. But. I also hope that someone here will understand and just empathize.