I was hoping there was a board for post-partum depression Since there isn't I came here.
Just to share a bit about myself, I am a 22 yr old mother of two. My son is 2.5 and my daughter is 8 months. My first baby was unplanned when I was 19. Lucily for me I was already planning to marry my then-boyfriend (now my husband), so we started our family a little earlier than anticipated.
After my son was born I gained a lot of weight (like way bigger than I have ever been in my life) and I would get really cranky and depressed around my periods, like really severe pms. My doctor prescribed low-dose prozac to even out my moods. I have struggled with my depression since I was 12, but I found ways to deal with it that did not require meds. I didn't want my husband or my son to have to suffer through my mood swings, so I took my prozac. I just want to add that my aggression was always directed at my husband, I didn't think about hurting my son or anything like that, although sometimes I wished that I hadn't had him.
When I got pregnant again I had to go off my prozac, which was ok, since my hormones were kind of better anyway. After my daughter was born I felt better than ever, and I haven't had to go back on prozac at this point.
The thing that troubles me is that sometimes I still get feelings of irritation and regret towards my kids. I don't think about hurting them or anything like that, but I sometimes regret that I got pregnant to begin with. I have so much responsibility, and even when I get a break from them for a day or a weekend, I come back feeling like I would rather take a perminant vacation. I miss having freedom and getting to spend time with my husband alone. Our son was born just a few months after we were married, and before that our realtionship was long-distance, so we never really got to just be together, as a couple, getting used to each other.
I know that I am so lucky, I have a wonderful life, a wonderful husband, and beautiful children. But lots of days I feel like the littlest thing just makes me lose my patience. We don't believe in spanking, ever, but it seems like I am always yelling at my 2.5 yr old because he is very active and we live in a little tiny appartment right now and he knows just how to make me crazy. It is winter where we are and it has been REALLY cold here and the roads aren't great so I don't take them out much and I think my son gets a little pent up because he can't run around.
I am afraid that I am going to traumatise him for life by hollering at him, but he never seems to listen otherwise. We also use time outs when he has a tantrum, but that only works sometimes. Everyone always goes on and on about how well behaved he is, but I am afraid it is only because he doesn't want to get yelled at.
I don't feel depressed, just annoyed a lot, so I am not sure what to do about it. Sorry this post is soooooooo long, hopefully someone other there can relate and maybe offer some advice. Take care.
Last edited by Administrator; 04-30-2012 at 06:05 PM.
I think it's probably pretty normal to feel the way you do when you have kids so young. You were raising babies when most people are going to college frat parties, dating around, being single and carefree and doing whatever they want. You have made a pretty big sacrifice. I think a little resentment is natural. But yelling at children can cause them to deal with life in a more aggressive manner when they grow up. Can you check with your doctor (ob/gyn) or your local hospital to see if they have any parenting classes? Every child is different and you have to keep tweaking until you find out what works for your child. You must find a way to make it cost effective for him to listen to you, and as Dr. Phil says, he must be able to predict the consequences to his behavior with 100% accuracy. If you give him a time out once in a while but not always when he disobeys, then that won't work. Or if his time out is in his room with all his toys and goodies, then that won't work either. You need to find a method of disciplining him where he gets rewarded when he's good, and deprived of something really good when he's bad, and it will happen all the time. And don't be afraid to rely on family and friends for support. If it's at all possible to plan a really nice, special vacation, maybe this spring or summer, where you're gone more than just a weekend or a day or two, but like 4 or 5 days or a whole week with just you and hubby alone, like a cruise or something, that might go a long way toward recharging your batteries and filling up a little on all the good romantic "young" stuff you feel you've missed. But you also have to find ways to cope with the fact that you did choose to have kids young, and with that comes sacrifices and missing out on some stuff. BUT...look on the bright side. Your kids will be out of the house by the time you're 40. When most parents are just beginning to deal with adolescence, you'll be done, and still young enough to travel, romance, play around and do whatever you want.
Ninispjc, thank you so much for the thoughtful post, I am striving to be more consistant with the time outs. I have noticed that my son has started yelling back when he gets annoyed so that was a huge flag that I should not yell. Not to use it as an excuse but my mom was a yeller, she would just freak out sometimes and holler at us out of frustration. Now that her kids are adults she has a lot of guilt about her parenting, although all of us are pretty well adjusted young adults if the truth be told. Anyway, I am going to work on y reactions to him.
I wish we could afford to go on vacation, but we are going to be buying a house in the spring. I think that will really help, right now we are living in a 2 bedroom apartment on the third floor, and the little guy doesn't get out much in the winter, we both go a little crazy. Once we have a house he will have a basement to play in and a backyard, so that should really be wonderful. My husband and I do make a point to spend alone time together a lot, and it just gets more frequent as the kids get older. And it will be lovely to have my kids gone when we are still young enough to enjoy travel, etc. We have a lot of plans for that time, but we are also making sure to really enjoy these innocent years, since they go so fast. Thanks for all of your suggestions and support
We have had our share of troubles, nothing too bad, but it is hard to mesh two lives together, especially with the added stress of a baby. My husband and I had a lot of different ideas about life. He grew up in the big city, I was a country girl. He was a straight A's kinda guy, I graduated by the skin of my teeth. He was a good boy (no drugs, smoking, etc), and I was a typical wild child. So needless to say we have had ups and downs. He has a lot of guilt about us getting married so young, like he stole my youth from me (he is 7 years older, he was 25 when we met). But really he probably saved me from ending up in a gutter somewhere. He has given me a wonderful life and beutiful kids and the luxury of not having to work away from home. I am not very good at expressing my feelings verbally, so when he does something that upsets me I sit down and write him a letter, and I give it to him. That way I get out my feelings and it opens up the discussion.
I wish I had the answers, I wish I could pass on some wisdom to you that would help with your relationship. The truth is we all have to find our own way. Most of the marriages in my family are horrible, so when I got married I just did the exact opposite of everything that I was raised around and so far that is working pretty well. I wish you all the best, take care, and make sure you post here if you want to share, I am always willing to listen and I will never judge
Last edited by Administrator; 04-30-2012 at 06:05 PM.