before i had a baby i was suffering from major depression for about 2 years, and then it got worse after i had the baby, I feel really guilty because, sometimes i feel emotionless around my daughter, and sometimes i feel very distant from her, i even start to question how much i love her and it hurts so much, i get these mood swings and sometimes i feel like i want to be alone, and that im losing my patience with her, I just feel so guilty and i dont know what to do, i was on prozac and seroquel and ativan but i just found out i was pregnant and stopped taking them until i talk to my doctor next, any advice??? im feeling horrible!!
Last edited by sweetpea333; 03-19-2005 at 09:37 PM.
Get to the doctor as soon as possible. I was post partum after I had my 2nd child although I know now in hindsight that I was suffering from it while I was pregnant but I didnt know at the time that it was possible. There are other tablets you can take while you are pregnant which will not harm the baby. I know how you feel and it is miserable but there are people there to help you. When I was suffering from it I felt so alone and couldnt even talk to my doctor about it as I felt I had failed as a mother. It is nothing that you have done and is all chemically managed. It is hard being a mother and dont let anyone ever tell you different. When I had my first she was a dream and would sleep 18 hours out of 24 for the first 6 months or so. When I was ill with my 2nd one I felt that I had failed and what was I doing wrong, I wasnt a fit mother. It was all untrue and I know now I did ok as I got through it and so will you. Please for your sake and for the babies sakes go and be honest with the doctor.
I feel for you! When I had my first, almost 7 years ago I got what I thought was PPD. Turns out having a baby just jump started what turned out to be chronic depression. Looking back, I could see the symptoms, though I was nowhere as near depressed as I was after I had a baby. I was on Celexa for many years and even carried my second child while on Celexa. It's in one of those classes of medication that they haven't proved anything that it can be harmful to a fetus, but all doctors usually agree it's ok to take while pregnant. I think it's agreed you're better off taking a medication while pregnant than suffering from depression during your pregnancy.
I hate when people tell you to snap out of it, every mother has it hard, blah, blah. They don't realize as much as we love our children and are blessed, it's not that. It's our bodies and minds and hormones. I think pregnancy shuffles our hormones around quite a bit and like some of us can't snap right back into our size 5 jeans after having a baby, our mind can't do the same.
I had a different kind of depression after my second, similar to what you're talking about. My first child is a dream child. I couldn't wait to have more like him. It never occured to me I'd have the opposite child. Colicky then as a toddler trouble. To this day, he's 3 1/2 and I'm still trying to figure him out, whereas my first, I had him figured out an hour after birth. I've really had to learn to bond with my youngest in a different manner. I can't help keep thinking (and I'd NEVER say it) how different he is than my oldest.
I've never gone off antidepressants (had quite a few switch arounds!) since having my first, I've come to realize I'll probably take them for a very long time. It's stressful on us moms when our children are so young, even more when depression is a factor. I do the same as you, I just want quiet time for just a few minutes and have mood swings. My mom was like that to me growing up, always nitpicking and yelling, hardley ever happy, and I always swore I'd be different with my kids. It seemed I was doing ok until after my second was born, now when the kids get riled up together or get too noisy, I get easily stressed and get overwhelmed and yell. I need to work on that.
Good luck with your journey and good luck with your pregnancy!
I believe you owe it to your baby and also to yourself to go to your doctor as soon as possible and get some help. Depression is depression, no matter when it occurs. It's very hard being a young mother, even in the best of circumstances. You need help and that's ok--everyone does. Do you have a support system such as extended family nearby or close friends who can help out? Sometimes having someone who will come over for an hour or two and take care of kids while you relax, read a book, go for a walk, etc. can do wonders! Please call your doctor. That will get the ball rolling so you can feel happier soon!
I know exactly what you are going through. My daughter is 11 months old now and I dont know how I have made it this far. I have major depressive disorder that got worse after I had my daughter. Being a mom is the biggest challenge of my life. I still have trouble managing my life-a life completely different than my no care in the world irresponsible life I lived before. It seems like some days are a big struggle for me. I cried a lot and basically turned into someone completely different than I was before. My family members often pointed out the negative changes in me I felt I had no control over. My daughter had a bad lactose allergy and was extremely collicy on top of everything else. I pulled strength from somewhere deep inside and I am coping the best I can and living day to day. I too wanted to get away from my baby most of the time for the first 6 months. I understand your pain. Its funny because I can barely leave her side now. i love her more than anything. It is the purest most innocent and unconditional form of love. I truely feel blessed to have her. Just try to hang in there and remember when you look into your babys eyes the divine power and oneness of God is staring back at you. I believe we are dealt certain cards in life for a reason. We may not have the answers now but we will some day. They will come. I wish you happiness and love. Please respond if you can. Hang in there and let us know how you are doing.
Mommy...you are the best for seeing this in yourself!!! So hard for women to admit they have postpartum, or any related issues.
Wow, I guess I post all the time. Still, I had this as well. My friend had it hit like a ton of bricks! First child for her. She was the favorite at work, and a beautiful prego with that "glow". Her water broke in church! Knew she would have a c section and it went well.
She was a disaster. Cried all the time. Couldn't hold her son. Her husband had to take additional time off and although money was sort of tight, they hired a mother's helper. It took 3 months, but she became better. Felt a little guilty, but took over as if the 1st 3 months did not happen.
I use to yell at hubby because I took care of the baby (babies) all the time until they became "fun".
You are feeling what thousands of women feel. heck, I even feel "blah" after years of having kids. It's chemical. Don't buy into that "mother instinct" stuff. I love my kids...I don't love all kids. I get frustrated. You are on the right track.
BE HONEST with your doc. Don't walk out of there with a pat on the back. Make a list of your feelings to show him/her. Tell your family/friends that you are having a tough time and are exhausted. (Don't get too honest with them-only my thoughts-they tend to fixate on that!).
Been there. You are so fantastic to know your feelings! Doing what is best. That makes you a great mom!