My son is now 6 months old, and I think I am having the biggest identity crisis of all time. He is a wonderful little baby, but lately I am finding it very hard to enjoy him or motherhood.
I have heard that postpartum depression can be diagnosed anytime up to a year after giving birth, and I'm not sure if that's what this is. Or, is it a couple of bad days?
When he cries, I feel annoyed. I'm irritated with our breastfeeding sessions. This evening, he woke up at 2 am (which is unusual - he normally sleeps the whole night through) and I found myself incredibly irritated... not caring why he was upset, just wanting him to be quiet. When he didn't settle, I got up and nursed him, and found myself thinking of how I hated my life. I even thought of terrible things - like what if he died? Would I be upset? My life could go back to the way it was... when I felt happier.
I feel like these are awful things to think. I'm even having a huge problem admitting to them on this anonymous community. I think the worst part about feeling sad or down is the guilt... everyday I feel consumed with guilt that I am not a supermom and that I don't love every second of every day.
I am sinking, and I don't know what to do. Can anyone relate to this? Could this be a form of post partum depression, or are these types of thoughts "normal" when you are overworked and overtired? Where do I go from here?
Any thoughts would be appreciated at all. Thank you in advance.
These feelings are not uncommon but not sure which one it would be without knowing more about you however it will pass and if after a another month or so you are still not back to your ole loving self then talk with your doctor and it might be recommended you take an antidepressant for a few months until this all passes as your hormones return to your prepregnant state. I know how you are feeling...so many of us have been in your shoes before. Good luck.
The following user gives a hug of support to AnnD: Iv4230 (01-20-2011)
HI,my name is Larry,and I know how you feel,I am a single father going on 7 years now and she does live with me and doesn't see her mother,I suffer from ADD,Bipolar,and depression.so I know how you feel,but when she does go to my moms house for the weekend I think it will be all better,"wow a break" but I still feel the same way,feel depressed and don't feel like doing anything but sit here in the house,feels like my life is going no where,but my DR.started me out on a few different meds. and they didn't work,until now,I am on Effexor and the depression seems to be under control,but I still have that emptiness that feeling were you don't want to go anywhere just sit around,not active.and after reading some of the post's on here I do believe that I need to be on ABILIFY,so when I go and see him the 9th I will suggest it,I think you just need to talk to your doctor and find the right medication for you,it will help you enjoy your life with your child,because remember their only young once,and is very important that you enjoy him,have any questions feel free to ask.
My 25 year old daughter is going through the same situation as you are in right now. I caught her crying one day and asked her what was wrong and she confided in me that she felt unhappy and worthless and that she was having a hard time loving her 6 mos old son, her second child. She also told me that sometimes she feels angry for no reason at all and does not know what to do. I told her she could possibly be suffering from post-partum depression and she might want to talk to her doctor about this. I have had bouts of depression in my life and know how it feels to have these feelings of worthlessness and anger and that the world feels as if it is an uninteresting place and full of hate. I offered to give her a place to fall if she needed me and to let me know if she needed a break even if only for a half an hour. I hugged her and let her know that we would get through this together and to not blame her Husband or child for her feelings but accept that this is a biological abnormality of the brain that can be corrected through time or if needed through medication.
If you do not have a support system of Family and Friends to give you a place to fall you might want to try your Pastor. I wish the very best for you and hope that this passes for you so you can enjoy life and that baby as much as you deserve to. By coming to these boards and admitting that you might have a problem shows how loving you really are.