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Old 04-20-2004, 07:13 AM   #1
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Unhappy 15 years old 7mths preg. wants to move wit 19 year old boyfriend

hey, im new to this forum stuff but i was hoping one of you might be able to help me and my girlfriend out. alrite she is 15 and she is due on June 20, 2004. she is livin wit her stepdad cuz her mom got kicked out of the house, she does not like it there and it is stressful on her. would she be able to move out with me to my place to live without being emancipated ? her stepdad doesnt have legal gaurdianship, her mom does but does not live there. is it still possible for her to move out? i do not want her there and she does not want to be there. does anyone know what we can do to get her out of that house? please any help will be greatly appreciated. Thank you all so much!
Chad

 
Old 04-20-2004, 07:25 AM   #2
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Re: 15 years old 7mths preg. wants to move wit 19 year old boyfriend

technically because you are over 18 and she is under 16, by having sex with her let alone getting her pregnant is considered stagitory rape. if the mother or step dad for that matter wanted to prevent her from moving in with you they could make a simple phone call and have you arrested. i am not saying that i agree with this because you sound like you want to do the right thing here, but from a legal stand point you are in a real bind. i guess you should talk to a lawyer, but i m not even sure that if she does get emancipated it will help your situation, but i am not a lawyer so i am not sure. good luck to you and i really hope things go well for you.

 
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Old 04-20-2004, 08:08 AM   #3
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Re: 15 years old 7mths preg. wants to move wit 19 year old boyfriend

Quote:
Originally Posted by Healthmizer
technically because you are over 18 and she is under 16, by having sex with her let alone getting her pregnant is considered stagitory rape. if the mother or step dad for that matter wanted to prevent her from moving in with you they could make a simple phone call and have you arrested. i am not saying that i agree with this because you sound like you want to do the right thing here, but from a legal stand point you are in a real bind. i guess you should talk to a lawyer, but i m not even sure that if she does get emancipated it will help your situation, but i am not a lawyer so i am not sure. good luck to you and i really hope things go well for you.
If I am not mistaken this is different from state to state. I do agree with checking with a lawyer. Another option is to have her gaurdian sign to allow her to get married which would rule out any legal problems. I do know in some states if she is receiving government assistance, and under the legal age and you arn't married that the State will press legal charges since they are having to pay! Thats what I had heard about my cousin, so they got married to avoid any legal charges against him, and they still receive government assistance.
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Old 04-20-2004, 09:00 AM   #4
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Re: 15 years old 7mths preg. wants to move wit 19 year old boyfriend

thanks for you responses, someone did turn it in to children and youth when she first found out she was pregnant, and nothing happened. they dropped there case against me and her since than. her mom was living there at her house at the time, but no longer does. her mom is willing to sign her over to be emancipated but they said we need a lawyer that has some kind of papers. i was just hoping there would be another way of going about this without lawyers. her mom is alright and her stepdad is alright with us being together and her being pregnant. her mom was also pregnant at the same age with her. so her mom cant really say anything. or so she says she cant say anything bout it. but any way, i was just wandering if us living together would be a problem now since children and youth are no longer in this case against me basically. but any other information would be helpful also, thank you so much!
Chad

 
Old 04-20-2004, 10:00 AM   #5
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Re: 15 years old 7mths preg. wants to move wit 19 year old boyfriend

I think I may be the flip side here, but I was in her shoes at 17 and my then b/f, now husband was in yours. We were only 2 1/2 years apart and let me tell you, it can work out but it is going to be a constant struggle and more effort than most. First of all, you are both still growing up, but to grow up together and raise a child is something most do not "survive." I think your want to marry her is admirable, but is it for the right reasons?

Do you truly love her or are you trying to do what's right by the baby that is on the way? If you do marry her, realize, she is 15, now pregnant with even more horomones headed her way...making for a ton of mood swings, crying, depression, fear, etc. You name it. She's also likely to become overly jealous when you are old enough to go to clubs, while she's old enough to have a baby and have to raise it, but can't attend the same club with her b/f or hubby....this causes so many problems..you have no idea.

And it doesn't sound like she came from the most stable environment, so you may get some emotional baggage with her. It's not to say that she isn't worth the effort, you just both need to be going into it with your eyes open. I wouldn't suggest marriage just yet....maybe move in together if that's what it takes, or since mom's out of the house, maybe they could move in together if her mom's not a ton of stress. You have many decisions here to make...don't be too hasty to make the wrong ones because they feel right at the moment.

I think you both should enroll yourselves in parenting classes right now as well as one for young couples. No one is born with inherrintly (sp?) great parenting skills, especially at a young age. Yes, you may do a lot of things right, but a lot of things wrong as well. I would also suggest she get on the shot or some type of heavy b/c after the baby is born. I had my first at 17 and my second (and sadly last, due to poor health and extremely complicated pregnancies) at 24...when most are having their first. I just recently enrolled in parenting classes where they are kind enough to come to my home as I am still housebound. They are helping me in so many ways.

You can know in your heart what a child needs, but sometimes getting it into a place of action is all but impossible. I did great with my youngest as a toddler, but we started to fall apart as he hit grade school....it's heart breaking. He is an angel and wonderful child, but due to my lack of parenting skills and growing up in an extremely dysfunctional home, I didn't know how to communicate with him as he got older. Now I'm learning, but it has been hard on both of us...especially him. No child deserves that. I wish I had started classes earlier.

I also attended a school for young mothers, my senior year. I graduated a year behind because during that time, my pregnancy took a turn for the worst, pre-term labor, contractions 3-4 min. apart every time I got up, for 2 1/2 months, then had radiation treatment a little over a year later....all in a teenage body and mind. Very hard on someone who still has growing to do. My marriage sank several times, thankfully he had the courage to stick it out and we have been growing together ever since...but we stil have extremely rocky times....fortunately or unfortunately, due to my now life-long health problems and the stress they come with.

We took a class called RAPS in young mothers. Both hubby and I attended with a small group of other couples and they dealt with problems common to this situation, rather than that of adults. We encounter totally different circumstances as teens.

Please think it over and talk to her and her mom (if she's normal and not like mine!) and go from there. There is no rush to get married.....shoot, she's already beyond showing and it's not like it's a secret or the way things were in the past. If you are too hasty, you all could pay later.

Have you looked into parenting classes? Do you have the things you need for the baby? Is she going to continue her education (she really needs to so that she's not solely dependant on you, whether it fails because you go separate ways or should something happen to you and you can't be the main supporter of the family)? Do you have life insurance...yes you need it at 19...and it's cheaper now, than later...also, I used to work in life, go with term, it's cheaper and can give you a higher dollar amount for your money..Do you have a support system to help you both out when the baby gets here? Is someone willing to come over after the baby is born to help her until she feels ready to go it alone? Has she ever suffered from depression? If so, her chances of post-partum depression are a lot higher...I had it, it's awful and was the initial cause of out marriage beginning to flounder...if she does, talk to her doc about using an estrogen patch for 7 weeks after the birth..it helps the horomones to drop slower and hopefully keeps PPD from triggering...What type of job do you have?

I know...so many questions, I just wish we had known before hand. I think we still would have married, but if we had the help in the beginning, before it became a necessity, we all would have faired better. I do think it worth the time though to start this part of the thread on the relationship board or the teen issues board...I would love to help you in any way I can. When I come off as the downer, it's not to discourage you from anything, but make you think it through before doing something that could change things in a way you hadn't anticipated. Also, you're going to need ongoing support, which is sometimes easier to get from anonymous people than to say it to the people in your life.

Good luck to both of you. You and your little family to be will be in my prayers and thoughts. Angel
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Old 04-20-2004, 10:23 AM   #6
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Re: 15 years old 7mths preg. wants to move wit 19 year old boyfriend

Hi There, Well here is my 2 cents. I also tend to agree with the others on many of the aspects that they have covered. As one said, law does vary from state to state. I can tell you what i do know for a fact, i worked in Labor and Delivery in a medical center for many years. I have seen many young girls come thru and have babies, the way it tends to work is that upon admission to the hospital because they are minors they must have their legal guardian sign all their paperwork and take responsibility for them, however, once the baby is born it is a whole new ball game. The minor is now a parent themselves of a child and that automatically emancipated them and then the minor became an adult and was responsible for herself as well as the baby. I guess if you can get her guardian, which you say is her mother, to sign for her to marry you or to just give legal consent for her to move in with you without you getting into trouble for the statuatory rape issue i guess that is good for you and her. If you cannot get her mother to give consent, well i guess the two of you will have to just hang in there till the baby is born and she is emancipated and can do as she pleases, that is if your state laws are like many others that i am aware of. Good Luck

 
Old 04-20-2004, 10:31 AM   #7
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Re: 15 years old 7mths preg. wants to move wit 19 year old boyfriend

Angel, thanks for your response, i will try and answer all or most of the questions you asked so here goes. i do truley love this gurl me and her have been together for over 2 years now, she is just really great and makes me happy and she is always there for me and im always there for her, we have been through alot together and im not willing to just give it all up cuz of our age all age to me is a number. to others it means statuatory rape(?) but i just want me and her togehter and thats all that matters to the both of us, she wants us to raise our son as a family and i want to do the same, i didnt have a father growing up and her father was killed before she was born in a hit and run. my father killed himself in september of 1999. so me and her both lost our fathers and i do not want our son to grow up with out a father. i know what you mean bout clubs and stuff like that, but i do not drink and i do go out to clubs, and dont plan on it, i never got into any of that. she is not in a very stable enviroment as it is now, the reason her mom is not aloud in the home is cause her stepdad beat her mom up and put her in the hospital, he was put in jail and got out on $10,000 dollar bail and she is not aloud at the house, her mom is ALSO pregnant and due a week before my girlfriend. the family is not all the stable and her mom just got out of rehab, i hate her family for all the stress they are putting on her and i just want her out of there and im willing to do anything to get her out of it. she is totally worth it to the emotions and everything that comes with her im willing ot make work out. she is still enrolled in school and she is taking child care and developement and she is also doing day care, i was in school last year and i took the same class child care and development. she is still going to stay in school next year and im finishin up my GED. we have mostly all the things we need for the baby, i was extrememly happy when we found out she was pregnant cuz this is my first and this is her first baby and i started buying things right away for him. my sister had a boy and she still has most of his stuff she is going to give us also, my mom and stepdad are going to have a baby shower at there house for her also. she will be continuing her education and me and or my mom will be watching the baby while she is in school, my mom may have to and she is willing to watch him also when im at work. i have alot of support from my mom and stepfather and my sister and im goingg to be there also. my mom will be willing to come over and help out til me and her get the handle of everything also. she hasnt suffered from depression either, and my job is for a security agency im a security guard at warehouses,hospitals,concerts and other events. thanks for your questions and im sure me and her can make it work if it is wut we both want, correct? thanks again for your support.
Chad

 
Old 04-20-2004, 10:35 AM   #8
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Re: 15 years old 7mths preg. wants to move wit 19 year old boyfriend

Quote:
Originally Posted by gloryemt
Hi There, Well here is my 2 cents. I also tend to agree with the others on many of the aspects that they have covered. As one said, law does vary from state to state. I can tell you what i do know for a fact, i worked in Labor and Delivery in a medical center for many years. I have seen many young girls come thru and have babies, the way it tends to work is that upon admission to the hospital because they are minors they must have their legal guardian sign all their paperwork and take responsibility for them, however, once the baby is born it is a whole new ball game. The minor is now a parent themselves of a child and that automatically emancipated them and then the minor became an adult and was responsible for herself as well as the baby. I guess if you can get her guardian, which you say is her mother, to sign for her to marry you or to just give legal consent for her to move in with you without you getting into trouble for the statuatory rape issue i guess that is good for you and her. If you cannot get her mother to give consent, well i guess the two of you will have to just hang in there till the baby is born and she is emancipated and can do as she pleases, that is if your state laws are like many others that i am aware of. Good Luck
what paperwork would be needed for her legal guardian (mother) to sign to make me have the legal consnt for her to move in with me? her mother already said she would sign over rightss for that to happen, she just doesnt know where to go to get it done. thanks for your responses.

 
Old 04-20-2004, 10:46 AM   #9
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Angel77 HB User
Re: 15 years old 7mths preg. wants to move wit 19 year old boyfriend

NEXT WEEK ON SPRINGER......no just kidding, but that's what it sounds like with her family...as it did for mine.

I think you are ahead of the game with the support system you have in place. It sounds like you will be able to give it a good shot and I honestly hope it works out for the best for all of you. You make me want to cry. My husband felt the same way about me....even though at times we have both had moments we want to throw our hands in the air and walk away, we don't and still love each other so much.

I wish I had a way to you! LOL I have two boys and beyond enough boy stuff to last a life time! I also collect clothes and other items for the women at the local shelter and those who can't afford to get clothing or other items they need. I know it would have helped me a ton, but now, I can help somone else out.

I think this part of things will end up being more classified as a relationship or teen issue, do mind if we pick it up there or have the mods switch it? I think this would be a great topic more so on the teen issues board because you guys aren't the only ones and people have offered great advice. It may be helpful to many more on that board. What do you think? Then, if you have any issues related specifically to her pregnancy, you can post them here and for all this, the teen board can benefit.

Let me know what you think...also, if a mod reads it and finds it better suited for another board, they'll move it for everyone, to the most beneficial place.

I'll check back on you and your little heart of gold...thankyou form the bottom of my heart for what you are doing. You have no idea what you may just be doing for her. I was her and without my husband, I don't know where I'd be today. In all honesty, the stress probably would have killed me...or the medical problems my family ignored would have. You may be the one person who can give her a sense of what life can be like and what it is to be really loved. But be prepared for the fact that she's going to have times where she resents it and is unwilling to accept it....because, sometimes it's painful for us to see what we should have had, what we did have and what you have. We feel like we are the problems most of the time and because of immaturity and lack of a functional childhood, react with anger, hurt, resentment, and other unhealthy ways....it is not that we don't love our mates, we love them too much and are afraid of living a life again that is full of, well, schnit.

P.S. One 'quick' note....still take the parenting classes. They are different from the child development, trust me. I took them and parenting is geared towards real life, while child development is more on the scientific end of things and not based for real life situations or how to apply the knowledge. But it's a great start.
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Old 04-20-2004, 11:05 AM   #10
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Re: 15 years old 7mths preg. wants to move wit 19 year old boyfriend

I really don't know any legal advice to give other then you really need a lawyer in this. But I just had to weigh in here.

Foster when I first read your opening post I have to admit I was a little sickened at the idea that a 19 year old would do this to a child of 15. But after reading your last post I have to say that I think you two sound like the exception. You really sound like a great guy and that you genuinly love this girl. I won't lie... I think you two made a mistake getting pregnant. And I think you two have a harder road ahead of you then you might think. But if you two really are as strong and commited as you sound then I think you've got a better chance then anyone else in your situation at making this work.

All my best luck to you both. And PLEASE PLEASE PLEASE do speak to a lawyer and get your girl friend out of that place! I do agree that no matter what she needs out of there! That is no place for a 15 year old and no place for a pregnant girl.

 
Old 04-20-2004, 11:47 AM   #11
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Re: 15 years old 7mths preg. wants to move wit 19 year old boyfriend

JLKH, thank you for what you had to say, i know what you were saying cause we have heard it from alot of people. i just want everyone to know that she is the best thing to happen to me and she feels the same about me, and like i said before im willing to make it work and do nething to make it work, i will talk to a lawyer as soon as possible, like i said also before that is no way for a yung gurl to have to live.

Angel, i also wanted to tell you that if you would like to tell someone to move it to the teen board that is fine with me, im willing to move the post. i will post information when the baby is born and let you know how everything went. thanks you both honestly, i appreciate your support and interest in trying to help me and her out. thank you both.
Chad

 
Old 04-20-2004, 11:57 AM   #12
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Re: 15 years old 7mths preg. wants to move wit 19 year old boyfriend

I think you two will be fine if you can get her out of that house. Ironically I think her having your baby might help you be able to get her to move in with you. But I'm just geussing. Anyway, do let us know what the lawyer says.

Also I wanted to share a story with you. I had a friend in highschool who got pregnant our sophmore year (she was 16 I think). The father was an a$$ and her parents basicly said they would only help her so much, that if she had the baby she would have to make her own way in life and take responisbility for it. They didn't kick her out or anything but they wanted to make sure she knew she would have to raise the baby not them.

Anyway, fast forward to now. She stuck by her guns, got her GED, went to the Junior College and got her nurses degree and has made a life for her and her son. She did it with a lot of hard work and determination.

Anyway, I know her story is a lot differnent from yours but I wanted to tell you cause it is a story of a young parent making it against all odds.

Good luck to you both!

 
Old 04-20-2004, 12:05 PM   #13
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Re: 15 years old 7mths preg. wants to move wit 19 year old boyfriend

Not a problem. Like JKLH said, you are an exception. My husband and I are the same. In some situations like the one the girlfriend is in, they grow up faster than most and are not "suited" for boys their own age. I know that may sound silly to some, and it is not a message that means I condone relationships like this. Because, some girls at 15 are very immature and some 19 year olds can be predators...but this is something on a case by case basis. I "dated" a man who was 19 when I was 15 and I will tell you that we was a predator and used inexperience against people like me. But, you sound like my husband.

My husband is very mature for his age and extremely responsible, but emotionally, we were about the same. I was the little spit fire and he was the shy and quiet one. Where he fought my family for me, I fought the world for him....he has ADD and grew up feeling stupid....something he is not. But I knew it and had a big enough mouth to let the world know it and him. He knows in his heart he's smart, but since it's not book smarts, he feels otherwise....the same is true for me and how I feel as a human in general. I don't feel worthy of love with out strings or many other things and my family lets me know every chance they get and he fights for me. We are so different, yet so the same. It's that difference and the love that made it keep working when we couldn't figure out how to keep going.

Also....one huge piece of advice our pastor gave us before he would marry us....there will come a day that you wake up next to this person and look at them, think to yourself..."What did I do??? Do I really love that person?? That's when love becomes a choice and becomes what you make of it." He has never been more right! I would have sworn up and down that this day would never come and I'll tell you what...I about fell over when it did!! I still remember every ounce of it. Had he not told me that before, I would have been devastated and initially I was...then I began to grin to myself and thought, "Today I get to choose to keep loving him" and I have ever since!

I'll e-mail a mod when I get a chance....but, if one of you see this first, if it's more appropriate for the teen board, please move it there. Thanks in advance if I don't get to you first.

Good luck Chad and God Bless you and your little family. Make it work and prove the statistics wrong.
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Old 11-17-2004, 11:00 AM   #14
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Re: 15 years old 7mths preg. wants to move wit 19 year old boyfriend

I understand were you are comeing from i am 15 and i have a gf that is due on december 19. she is only 15 to so its kinda hard on me. But enough about me i got some advice i think that if you tried to sit down with her dad and talked he might understand but if that dosnt work you should just be there for her and about the sagatary rape if her dad takes you to court all your gf needs to say is "I Wanted him to and ILet him. I'm in love with him and hope fully the judge might drop charges but I feel your pain trust me. BUt good luck i hope you have a great life with her cause You sound like you care.

Last edited by Cowguy22; 11-17-2004 at 11:02 AM.

 
Old 11-17-2004, 12:58 PM   #15
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Re: 15 years old 7mths preg. wants to move wit 19 year old boyfriend

Quote:
Originally Posted by foster19
hey, im new to this forum stuff but i was hoping one of you might be able to help me and my girlfriend out. alrite she is 15 and she is due on June 20, 2004. she is livin wit her stepdad cuz her mom got kicked out of the house, she does not like it there and it is stressful on her. would she be able to move out with me to my place to live without being emancipated ? her stepdad doesnt have legal gaurdianship, her mom does but does not live there. is it still possible for her to move out? i do not want her there and she does not want to be there. does anyone know what we can do to get her out of that house? please any help will be greatly appreciated. Thank you all so much!
Chad
Where is live, which is Ontario, Canada, you have 16 to move out of your house. I live with my aunt and uncle currently but my mom still has legal guardianship of me. I tried discussing moving in with my boyfriend and his mom, but she told me no. If I were you I would talk to a lawyer to get some legal advice. In some states the legal age for giving consent to sexual activity is 16, and since you are 19 you should possibly go to jail for sagitory rape if the cops ever found out. Hope I helped
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