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Old 11-06-2005, 12:13 PM   #1
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Pregnant with abusive boyfriend!

Need some advice badly , Well iv been with my boyfriend levie for nearly 18month im 1* he is 28 , he can be great , the problem is he gets angry really badly and when hes angry hes not the sorta guy you wanna be around , he punches me , palls my hair , spits on me , and somtimes forses me to sleepwith him , but thats only happend about 5 times so its not that bad , but iv never wilingly slept with him.
But i do love him thats why i stay with him , i used to be quite a confident girl but now im so not , i dont even like walking down the street on my own .
My parents dont know about him 1. because of the age gap and 2. because of what hes done to me .
They dont see all the bruises on me cause i tend to cover them up , they know theres somthing up but im too scared to tell them like i said i love him and i dont want him getting hurt.
But , big but , i think i may be pregnant , i missed a period so i took two tests and they both showed positive ,im really worried now , can positive ever be wrong ? if i am i dont know how i can tell my family
im scared to tell him cause i dont know how he will react , i want to stay with him, but when he gets angry all hell breaks loose . do u think i should tell him or wait a bit?
if u got any advice plz give

Last edited by Modinatrix21; 11-06-2005 at 05:09 PM. Reason: Please dont post your age when under 16.

 
Old 11-06-2005, 12:44 PM   #2
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Re: Pregnant with abusive boyfriend!

Wow Scarlett, where to begin? Number one, 1* is not a legal age of consent anywhere I know of, so your boyfriend has already commtted criminal sexual conduct with a minor. Hitting and beating you is assault and battery, there are a number of criminal charges that could put him in jail for a while, which is why I suspect he is so mean to you, to scare you out of leaving him and turning him in. He is busting your psyche and spirit so you won't leave and turn him over to the authorities. Now you have taken two prgenancy tests, and both have turned up positive. I think you should plan on the fact you are pregnant, and begin making decisions that will be to your and the babies best health, and the first thing you need to do is get away from the guy, go to a doctor and get your pregnancy confirmed, and make him face up to his responsibilities as the father! Keep in mind, whatever decisions you make from this point on doesn't just concern you, a baby is now involved, and that baby can't defend itself, can't speak it's mind in the matter, it is completely and totally dependent on you to look after it, please do what's right for the child and get proper treatment for it, yourself, and lay the law down on the abusive "boyfriend..." I use that term very loosely. No man with an ounce of self respect would ever do that to someone he supposedly cared for.

Last edited by Modinatrix21; 11-06-2005 at 05:10 PM.

 
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Old 11-06-2005, 12:45 PM   #3
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anthony_I_:D HB User
Re: Pregnant with abusive boyfriend!

Quote:
Originally Posted by scarlet15x
Need some advice badly , Well iv been with my boyfriend levie for nearly 18month im 1* he is 28 , he can be great , the problem is he gets angry really badly and when hes angry hes not the sorta guy you wanna be around , he punches me , palls my hair , spits on me , and somtimes forses me to sleepwith him , but thats only happend about 5 times so its not that bad , but iv never wilingly slept with him.
But i do love him thats why i stay with him , i used to be quite a confident girl but now im so not , i dont even like walking down the street on my own .
My parents dont know about him 1. because of the age gap and 2. because of what hes done to me .
They dont see all the bruises on me cause i tend to cover them up , they know theres somthing up but im too scared to tell them like i said i love him and i dont want him getting hurt.
But , big but , i think i may be pregnant , i missed a period so i took two tests and they both showed positive ,im really worried now , can positive ever be wrong ? if i am i dont know how i can tell my family
im scared to tell him cause i dont know how he will react , i want to stay with him, but when he gets angry all hell breaks loose . do u think i should tell him or wait a bit?
if u got any advice plz give

Uhm ok, if i were you i wouldnt tell him, he would probably kill you with the anger problems he has. I would report him to the police for rape ing you... And if you are pregnant, regardless he will go to jail, even IF it wasnt forced rape (wich it was) it would be statitory rape. I would just go to the police and tell them u were raped.

Last edited by Modinatrix21; 11-06-2005 at 05:11 PM.

 
Old 11-06-2005, 05:59 PM   #4
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Re: Pregnant with abusive boyfriend!

Quote:
Originally Posted by Smoothie_Guy
I think you should plan on the fact you are pregnant, and begin making decisions that will be to your and the babies best health, and the first thing you need to do is get away from the guy, go to a doctor and get your pregnancy confirmed, and make him face up to his responsibilities as the father!
Yes, it would be a wise move to visit a doctor and confirm your pregnancy, because, as rare as they may be, it is possible to get a false positive reading on a pregnancy test. But if you are pregnant and you do want to keep your child, would you really want the father to play a part in the lives of you and your baby? How would you know that he would not continue to abuse you or even abuse the child? Your boyfriend has done many things that can get him thrown in prison, which is most likely where he belongs to keep him from harming you. You won't be able to hide your pregnancy from your parents or family for too long, and when they know your condition, they could very well bring charges of statuatory rape against him.

Please do seek safety from this guy - you may love him, and he may tell you he loves you, but he can't possibly love you as much as he might say if he rapes you and abuses you...assuming he even says he loves you. He wants you to be afraid to stand up to him and tell someone, and he makes you think that you can't confide in anyone - do not believe this. For your own safety, get away from this guy and tell someone what he has done before he hurts you again. I know, easier said than done...but no one deserves to go through what you have endured.

 
Old 11-06-2005, 11:24 PM   #5
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Re: Pregnant with abusive boyfriend!

You need to get out of this relationship right away, for your sake, and your baby's. I don't know if you are planning on keeping it, but I'm concerned that your boyfriend may try to hurt you if you tell him. If he doesn't want a baby, he could very well beat you in the hopes that you will miscarry.
It is very rare to have a false positive, so you need to start treating yourself like you're pregnant, and get to a doctor. I know you say you love your boyfriend, but in your heart you MUST know what he's doing is wrong, and that there's better for you out there. You can't bring a baby into this man's life, if he hits you, he could hit the baby too.
It's up to you if you decide to tell your boyfriend of the pregnancy, I think if I were you, I would tell him only after you've made a firm decision, and after you leave him, which you have to do!
I had a boyfriend who was violent and when I got out of there I expected to feel lonely, but if you surround yourself with friends and fun activities you will be able to get over him and realize you deserve better Get yourself back to that confident girl you used to be! It's the first step to do what's best for you and your child.
Please don't say that him rap.ing you only 5 times is "not that bad." even once is bad, and devestating when it happens by someone you love.
I know you said you are scared to tell your parents, if you have generally had a good relationship with them and you feel like you need their help, please talk to them. You're their baby, they may be angry or disappointed at first, but they will be glad you came to them and they will help you. If you are keeping the baby then you have no choice of course to tell them eventually. If you are not going to keep it, then I don't see that it's necessary to tell them, you can get an abortion without parental consent.
BUT, in the meantime, try to evaluate your relationship with your boyfriend. It's not a healthy situation you are in, and I know that you know that.
Good luck

Last edited by sarah_bear001; 11-06-2005 at 11:26 PM.

 
Old 11-07-2005, 05:23 AM   #6
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Re: Pregnant with abusive boyfriend!

I wouldnt tell him either. What if he hit you and harms the baby? yes you pg. with 2 pos. tests you are. Are you wanting this baby? you need to tell your family even though you dont want to. They are going to be your only means of support right now. Chances are this guy your with will hit the road when he finds out your pg anyways which would be a good thing for you and a baby. Your family might suprise you in the way they react. Ive been in a situation something like this b4.

When I was 16 I dated a guy my age he was my irst after several months be became abusive also. I swore I loved him.he cheated on me and kicked me to the curb. I thought I was pg onece with him too and he kicked my in the stomache when I told him. I dont know if I ever was but I was pretty sure I was and had a mc from it. Im now 30 and relize I wasnt in love with him but after the abuse I was afraid to be alone and felt like I needed him becouse thats what abusive men do. They mess with your head to whee you think you love them but your really afraid. Your pareents may be able to help you. You need to get out. ONLY 5 times hitting you is no excuse. It WILL get worse I promise. It ALWAYS does. Good luck. I will pray for you.

Last edited by mommaboyz; 11-07-2005 at 05:25 AM.

 
Old 11-07-2005, 07:31 AM   #7
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scarlet15x HB User
Re: Pregnant with abusive boyfriend!

If i am , (which i do think i am), i will keep it , could never have an abortion .
I dont think i could leave him ,how would i cope on my own , it would be so hard.i got a feeling he is gonna hit the roof ,if i am , and wen he dosent like somthing , he takes it out on me . so im kinda scared to tell him.
I think i will keep it to myself till i know for sure. I also dunno how i will tell my parents ,they will hit the roof , im just gonna keep it all to myself till i know for sure.
Its my fault for getting into this position so i cant really blame it on him and dump him , il stay with him no matterwhat , if i am pregnant though he will just have to make a few changes.

Last edited by scarlet15x; 11-07-2005 at 07:35 AM.

 
Old 11-07-2005, 09:15 AM   #8
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Re: Pregnant with abusive boyfriend!

Scarlet, everyone here is just trying to help, so please don't take the advice as getting lectured, but I think that if you bottle this all up and stay with this guy, you could very well end up a statistic, and I would hate for that to happen. Right now, you need someone to talk to and get objective yet professional advice. If you keep the pregnancy quiet, it is only a matter of time before you will be showing, and what do you think this guy would do when he finds out you're holding out on him? One way or the other he will flip, and as you say, take it out on you, and now, your baby too! There are a couple of things I suggest. Go to Planned Parenthood and get some medical check ups. I'm pretty sure they will have someone on staff trained in social work that can help you sort out a plan on dealing with telling your family, as well as dealing with your bf. I would also suggest that you get a PPO against him and get as far away from him as you can. I am a man, and I don't care for the way he is treating you, it is not the manly thing to do! The manly thing would be to get you all the help and medical care you and the baby need, and knock off with the abusive crap. Get out of there, OK? If Planned parenthood isn't an option for you, try talking to a trusted friends parents. You simply can't bottle all this up. Also, don't you dare put all the "blame" for this on yourself, it takes two to tango you know! This guy you are with is not a stand up decent fellow at all. I beg you, please talk to someone you feel comforatble with, and let them try to help you. Planned Parenthood is everywhere, that would probably be your best bet...PLEASE!!!

 
Old 11-07-2005, 09:21 AM   #9
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Re: Pregnant with abusive boyfriend!

BTW, There are only false negative PG tests - If you took two tests and they were positive, you're pregnant.

 
Old 11-07-2005, 12:25 PM   #10
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Re: Pregnant with abusive boyfriend!

Scarlet,
I am not gonna give you advice on whether or not you should keep this baby. But I will advise you to get out while you can. I am 21 and now have a 7 week old daughter. I was in an extremely abusive relationship..my whole pregnancy I got hit punched thrown on the ground yelled at spit at..everything you can imagine. And of course like you I was with my boyfriend and I loved you and blah blah..We were together for 4 years. Anyway when I was 8 months pregnant He pushed me a bit too hard and sent me into premature labor..my water broke. luckily my baby turned out to be perfect and now has no problems.Now come 7 weeks later and he has already moved in with a girl who is a few years younger than me and we do not speak at all..my choice. As much as I love him and yes I still do love him despite all the horrible things he did to me. Its not worth it anymore. I have a baby girl to protect. So anyway I just felt like sharing this story with you..And yes your boyfriend will say he will stop hitting you because your pregnant..but mine told me the same thing and now I am in the process of pressing charges and getting a restraining order so he will not be able to be around my baby. Please think about your baby and don't take the abuse. You do not need this person around you while your pregnant..and do keep in mind murder is the number one killer in pregnant women..almost always murdered by the father of their unborm child..and I know that going way out there by saying that..but you never know. I never thought I would end up in the hospital because my boyfriend hit me.
monica

 
Old 11-07-2005, 01:04 PM   #11
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Re: Pregnant with abusive boyfriend!

I know what im gonna do , il tell my older sister first and then tell my family , like you guys said , it`ll be hard but it needs to be done .
Once my family know i will tell my bf cause then i have people to protect me from him , if he does flip .
And no matter what my family say , i will keep the baby , dont belive in abortion and never will .
It will tough but il try by telling my sister then she can help me out by telling my parents.

 
Old 11-07-2005, 07:23 PM   #12
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Re: Pregnant with abusive boyfriend!

I think that is a good idea, families can be very supportive and they can help you decide what to do next.

 
Old 11-07-2005, 07:49 PM   #13
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Re: Pregnant with abusive boyfriend!

Do not be alone with him when you tell him. You make sure someone is with you. Also if you look at statistics this man abuses you he will most definitly hit this child. Your job is to protect this child. I can also promise you that he will NOT quit hitting you just because you are having his baby. Nothing will change him unless he wants to go to counseling and even that takes years. If you tell your parents anything you should tell him that he hits you and spits on you. This man degrades you so you will have no self esteem. he will wear you thin until there is nothing left of you. He will do the same to the child. IF the child makes it to a teenager he could easily become suicidal from an abusive father. NOTHING and I mean NOTHING good can come out of the relationship with you and this man. You only think you love him. Please please please find counseling....go to a family planning center. Do not be scared, they will help you to get out with your baby. Sometimes they build houses for you and help you with medical expenses....I wish I could come there and save you. Everyone here isn't lying to you sweet heart, you have to save yourself and this child....you may not think this man could kill you or the baby but he can. Go to your parents or some safe house. Please. Let us know your safe soon ok?

 
Old 11-07-2005, 09:12 PM   #14
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Smoothie_Guy HB User
Re: Pregnant with abusive boyfriend!

Quote:
Originally Posted by scarlet15x
I know what im gonna do , il tell my older sister first and then tell my family , like you guys said , it`ll be hard but it needs to be done .
Once my family know i will tell my bf cause then i have people to protect me from him , if he does flip .
And no matter what my family say , i will keep the baby , dont belive in abortion and never will .
It will tough but il try by telling my sister then she can help me out by telling my parents.
Good for you Scarlet! You're doing the right thing. Family has a way of coming together to protect their loved ones, and you should be proud of yourself for the strength it takes to make this first step. Please know that there are people out there who do care about you and what happens to you and your baby. Like the others have already said, please let us know you're doing OK from time to time, or just feel free to ask whatever questions you want. There are good folks here that can offer good ideas!

Best wishes!

 
Old 11-08-2005, 04:22 AM   #15
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Re: Pregnant with abusive boyfriend!

Quote:
Originally Posted by scarlet15x
Its my fault for getting into this position so i cant really blame it on him and dump him , il stay with him no matterwhat , if i am pregnant though he will just have to make a few changes.

That scares me that you think that way. Everything is to blame on him! He looked for a girl who would put up with his abuse and who he could manipulate, he found that in you. I will bet money on the fact he looked for a younger girl because it's easier to abuse someone so young than it is to do it to someone his age. Get away from him, as fast as you can. After that get some help for yourself, if you don't love yourself you cannot love anybody else and care properly for anybody else. Your self esteem is gone and you need to get it back.
It's 100% his fault for the position your in. He took advantage of you, all the blame is on him. You cannot stay with him. He isn't going to change, you've seen him for who he is, he is an abuser, he has beat you, raped you, even if you don't count when he forced you to have sex (which is the definition of rape) he's commiting statutory rape every time he has sex with you...he's a grown man he has no business being with a young girl.
It's going to be hard, but i hope you do tell your family...everything, not just what you want them to know, you need to be 100% honest with them about everything.
You need to talk to someone about getting into therapy to help yourself feel good enough and to love yourself enough so that you don't ever get into this situation again. Nobody deserves to be beat and raped, if he makes you think it's your fault, or you deserve this than he is scum, NOBODY derserves to go through abuse, you deserve better and your baby deserves better.
The only way i would ever let this man near your child is if he goes to court and the court is told everything, the abuse, the rape ect and the court decides whether or not he can see his child, my guess he won't take it that far, a child is proof that he has had sex with an underage girl and that is against the law.
Please get as far away from him as you can, if not for you than do it for your baby untill you can get the help you need to see him for what he is, a monster, you deserve better. It's hard enough to raise a child and get through school, you don't need to abuse also. you cannot live up to your potential with a man like him in your life.

 
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