Hey Createyourlife, ive been following your story and just wanted to say ive been through a kinda similar situation, when i met my now husband, he had a whacko of an ex girlfriend, who was so sore that they split up that she announced she was pregnant with his baby(she was 18 at the time) we all knew she was lying except my husband (ugh men are so gullible) many times she rang him and told him ''she was bleeding with all the stress'' and was in hosiptal having a miscarriage then when hubby went to find her at the hospital there was no sign of her, surprise surprise. then she would call and say she was back home and dr said no stress and they should try and get back together (yeah right) basically she would never show him proof or anything, then things went quiet, after a few home truths from me haha. then out of the blue about 6 months later he had an sms from her saying she had given birth to a little boy (how crazy was this girl?!) called him whatever i never took any notice of the name and said that she had registered hubby as the father, which is complete poo cause in the uk the father has to0 be present at the time of registering to be put down as father. i said to hubby he hadda sort this out once and for all, so he arranged to met her with this miracle baby, he arranged this about a million times and each time she cancelled, so we called the births,deaths,and marriages place to see if a baby had been registered, low and behold nothing. during all this time I had gotten pregnant with our daughter. when my daughter was about 6 moonths old we were shopping and saw her minus one baby and i took great pride in asking daddy very loudly to push his girl haha. we never heard anything from her after that thank god. so , the moral of this story i guess is some girls will tell big lies to keep a boy. i think your right to assume there is no baby until you get proof, good luck and best wishes
Mia-Louise jan '04
Jacob april '07
Thanks for your note. Wow, that is whacko!! So far I've heard nothing from the girl, nothing from the mother, although my son says he's talked to her a few times and she still says she's pregnant. Well, school starts back up in about three weeks so it will be interesting when he sees her to find out if she's "showing".
I don't know the rules on these kinds of things. But there isn't ANY way you could find out? It seems like hte kind of thing I would want to as soon as possible. If she IS in fact pregnant...I would want to know ASAP. Why don't you talk to your son about maybe...her taking a pg test with him?
ive got a question for gemmalou (sorry to jump on your thread createyourlife). It was just concerning what you said about contacting births deaths and marriages to see if a baby had been registered, i just wonder what info you gave them when they confirmed that the baby hadnt been registered? its just a friend of mine is trying to trace his daughter, who is now 3. he had a fling which ended before he knew the woman was pregnant, and has found out odd bits about the little girl, he knows her first name and possible surname, and the mother's first name aswell as the date of birth, but was told he hadnt got enough info when he contacted them. the little girl's mother also told him she has had the birth certificate information made private because she claims he was violent towards her so all her info has been "protected". just thought id ask because im also from the uk so if you could help with this that would be great, thanks
we gave his ex's full name, the (imaginary)kiddies full name and date and place of birth, that was it really, we explained our story to the lady and she looked for us. i think it may just depend on the person you speak to and if theyre in a good mood or not and also what kinda info you want to know, we just wanted to know if there was an entry of such, as far as info being protected? ive never heard of that, it may just be worth while emailing or contacting BD&M's to ask if this is true. hope this helps, and i wish your friend the best of luck finding his little girl
Mia-Louise jan '04
Jacob april '07
i guess it just depends on how much you know, my friend isnt sure of his ex's surname as she has changed it a lot so that makes it difficult, even if hes told theres no such entry it could be because a different surname has been used.
thank you for your help
Here's a little more insanity to add to this story...
Last night I got a call from my son's friend, let's call him "T", who told me that the girl and her parents had given HIM ultrasounds proving that she was pregnant. Keep in mind, "T" is 16 years old. When I asked him why on earth her parents would give this info to him and ask him to intervene, he said it was because they think I'm mad at the girl and that I don't want to communicate with them (which I NEVER indicated to the mother). Granted, I won't deal with the father, he gave up that right when he decided it was OK to assault my son.
In any event, I told "T" that it was totally inappropriate for her parents to get him involved and that this was a matter for the adults to handle. He then told me that her parents weren't mad at my son and that it was OK if he wanted to come to their house again and resume his relationship with the girl. I told "T" to tell her parents that the decision to end the relationship was mine, that it still stands, that my son's relationship with her was over, to which ""T" replied, "well, she is carrying his baby." Now I'm being patronized by a 16 year old!! Is it just me, or is this wildly innappropriate??
I ended the conversation by telling "T" that if the mother wants to contact me, I'll be happy to talk to her, but that no further conversations would be going on between me and him or anyone else the parents decide to drag into this. As far as finding out for sure if she is indeed pregnant, I've tried and can't get a straight answer from anyone. They will have to contact me with proof and then we'll go from there. I'm done chasing these people around trying to find out the truth!
I'd just shut the door on the situation and wait and see if your son gets some legal paperwork in the mail, if and when the baby is born.....
at that point, get him a paternity test, and go from there.
there is no point in spinning aimlessly, wondering and panicing, if no one else seems that riled up about it.
YES- it was totally inappropriate for her mother to bring another boy in to this. Like you said, he is only 16 and has nothing to do with this! That's strange to me. Why would this woman do that? Is she trying to start a campaign against you and doing her best to round up anyone she can get to back her up? If her daughter is truly pregnant, she needs to buck up, grow up and speak directly with you and your son.
She needs to give you concrete proof that her daughter is pregnant, and she needs to allow you to attend some of the doctors appointments as well. This way, you and your son can ask questions to the doctor about anything you have concerns about. No, the girl and her mother can NOT keep your son from having a paternity test either, just in case they try and keep that from happening.
I am so sorry you are having to deal with a girl and her mother who are not acting "on the level" with you. They both need to grow up and stop brining other people into this. And that boy needs not be giving you advice about this either. It's not his place. I'm sure if he was being told he was the father of a girls baby, he wouldn't want your son brought into it and telling his mom what he should be doing.
Earlier today "T" brought over two ultrasound pictures with the girl's name on them and - get this - superimposed on the pictures are words - Hi Dad on one, and Hi Grandma on the other. The complete lack of judgment and good taste goes on!
They also sent over a pamphlet that is anti-abortion. Apparently it's aimed at men so it's for my son to read. This is so NOT their place to send this to my son!
Shortly after I received these pictures, the girl called and said that "T" told her that I said she had issues and didn't understand what I meant. I told her that 1) "T" had no business being involved in this situation 2) that I've made the decision for my son not to be involved because if she is pregnant then she needs to be taking care of herself physically and mentally and 3) that yes, I do think she has issues she needs to address but that it's between her and her parents. I also told her to tell her parents that a paternity test would be done after the baby is born. At some point she hung up on me so I'm not sure how much she heard.
This might sound terrible, but I don't want to be involved with this pregnancy in any way. Maybe if she and her family were normal it would be different, but getting involved just means being dragged into the drama. And since I'm handling this on my own, my instinct tells me to stay clear until after the baby's born, then deal with it.
As always, thanks to everyone for listening. It helps just to get it out in this forum.
I understand you are upset by this situation. I have read all your entries on the subject and what bothers me is that twice in the posts you wrote you made a big deal about them having FIVE children, all girls! As a mother of a fairly large family, I'm offended by your language here. As if having a large family in and of itself is "sorta trashy" and the fact that they have "all girls", what does that have to do with anything? As if that is something they chose?
Also, you may consider that you should assume she is pregnant vs. assuming she isn't. The possible child does not have a say in whether or not he/she is born. Plus, how would you feel down the line having to explain your behavior (or the respective teenager's behavior) to this child? You may consider that if this teenager is pregnant *hopefully* you will want to be involved in the child's life and preserve/create a positive relationship with the mother of your grandbaby.... again assuming there is one.
I just think that you are stooping to the level of a teenager instead of acting like a mature adult here. And before you say something to the effect of "they started it...." consider that you cannot control what they do, only your own actions.
I dont think she ment all people with many children are bad, I think she was saying here is the young girl who is saying she's pregnant, the parents are not taking stand and doing what they are supposed to be doing as parents. And than they have five other children girls also, not all people should be parents, if they are letting go on this daughter the others will follow. You may be a great mom, that girls mom may not be.
I did not for a moment mean to imply that people with large families are trashy or irresponsible. For that matter, I have no idea that all five children weren't planned, maybe they were. It's just that in this particular situation the parents of this girl are acting irresponsibly (in terms of helping their daughter in a difficult time) and I would hope that this isn't the pattern they continue with their other four daughters.
>I just think that you are stooping to the level of a teenager instead of acting like a mature adult here.<
Sorry, I completely disagree. I am the ONLY person acting like a mature adult in this situation. Right now my responsibility is to my son, who is too young to handle the drama and chaos that this family seems to enjoy. We don't live our lives like that, nor will we start. If this baby does turn out to be his, he will be responsible in every way he has to be and as involved as he wants to be.
I agree that I can only control my actions, and right now my common sense tells me to stay away until the baby's born, do a paternity test, and go from there. There's no sense putting myself and my son through all this drama if he's not even the father (I'm a widow so there's just me handling this).
I'm confident I'm handling this in the best way possible for now. All signs are that the girl and her family are unstable. It's too bad, especially for the baby, but there it is.
You know my mom said what was good about having 3 girls is that you know your grandkids are your grandkids. I would like to add that she doesn't have to agree to a paternity test. The birth certificate could be left blank with no father. Which also means no child support. Now, if she puts him on the certificate a paternity test can be given. You can't just assume that their isn't a baby on the way. They don't have to prove anything right now. It would be nice to have proof but like I said, they don't have to.Time will tell if she really is or isn't. The main thing is if there really is a baby (and it is your son's) you have to think about that grandbaby. I'm sure you would like to have a relationship with your grandkid without turmoil. Years down the road, that child will know how everything was back then (meaning now). That child could end up resenting his/her dad and grandma when s/he gets older. I do disagree with the parents putting her on birth control. That does tell a child that it is okay in their opinion. She can be put on birth control without a parent going with her. I was and my parents had no knowledge of it. The reason my parents didn't know is because they disagreed with me having sex. If they would have put me on birth control, I would have assumed they thought it was okay for me to have sex at 15. Kids are kids. She can't help the way she has been raised. Kids do grow up and mature with time. That comes with all the lessons learned with life. If she might end up raising you grandbaby you should try to be her guidance. Teach her how to be a good mom. Not ignore her because she is acting childish or acting like her mother. Grandparents don't really have many rights yet. So, if this is your son's child she may not even put him on the birth certificate and he could have a child out there somewhere that he won't ever know. The same with you, having a grandbaby out there that you don't know. Make sure you think about the whole picture really clear. Also, if it ends up being proven that the child is his, it doesn't matter how old he is, the court will force him to at least get a part time job and pay child support. Dads can be locked up for not showing up to court and not paying child support. Once a kid is 17 they can be locked up in an adult penatentionary.
Your son is in a very hard spot right now. All you can really do is stand beside whatever he chooses and try to help out when he needs you. I'm sorry if this sounds rude at all. But, I was in a very similar situation when I was younger. I had only been with one person! He had lied and told his mom that I slept with all kinds of people. Kids will lie because they are scared of consequences. Regardless of how honest they usually are. Just think before you react. You say that you are the only person acting like a mature adult. When parts of what you have said does sound like a teenager. I understand that too! You have been stuck in the middle of all this chaos. Your mind isn't thinking completely clear because you are overwhelmed with stress. Try to take a breather and clear your head and then take a look at the situation. I know, easier said than done! lol!
I wish both of your families the best of luck! You're gonna need it....
First, the girl's father assaulted my son (the police were called, this is on record).
Second, the girl has already lied to me on several occasions. She has also lied to her parents about my son. I have no reason to trust her at this point, let alone attempt to guide her or be her mother. She has also proven to be highly unstable.
I'm not assuming there is no child at this point. I have seen an ultrasound with her name on it. But even if a child is born he/she may never know what has occurred in the last few months. The girl is already badmouthing my son to his friends and making it appear that he's abandoned her, what is she going to tell a child about what's happened here? I guarantee it will be her version of the truth.
I just hope that she gets the proper prenatal care and support she needs, for her and the baby's sake. Before this I never saw her eat (she's extremely thin) so I hope she's at least eating better. However, I have no control over that, only what happens to my son.