Well I don't really have any advice for you but I wanted to let you know you have support here. Teaching your son about protection rather than abstnance( wow sorry I can't spell) Is the best thing you could've done. I'm sorry that he wasn't completely listenng to you. I think you should try to take a deep breath and relax untill you know forsure that she is indeed pregnant. Sad to say but young girls, especially ones who have issues, sometimes fake pregnancies. And you can't be completely sure her mother is a reliable sourse of info. So getting her to provide proff is the best thing. I understand what is is like to live in a 1 parent home as a teenager. My father died when I was barely 15 and it was just me and my mother from then on. I'm now 21 and I can tell you that you seem like you are doing great as a mother without your partner. This whole situation has nothing to do with your parenting skills. One day your son will realize he should be listening to your advice. so keep giving it. Anytime you wanna vent I'm here to read it. love Jess
Last week I ran around like a crazy person trying to find out what was going on and whether or not she's really pregnant, while no one else seemed to be too concerned. So far I still haven't any proof she is pregnant (her mother LOST the letter from the doctor!) and she also hasn't gotten her daughter to any type of prenatal counseling or contacted me since last week. So, the longer this goes on, the more 2+2 is making 5, and the more I'm convinced she's faking it and she and the mother are lying to me.
So now my attitude is that until I get positive proof otherwise, I'm going to assume she's not pregnant. And I'm not going to keep asking for it, they'll have to provide it to me. In the meantime, the girl keeps contacting my son wanting to know "why they can't be together" and calling my son's friend's homes and cell phones to where they have to stop answering the phone. And, I had to drive past her house yesterday while running errands and there was a police cruiser in her driveway! Apparently she had run away from home and her parents called the police. We're talking about a really dysfunctional family here and while we're not perfect (God knows!) we look like the Cleavers compared to this nuthouse!
Wowww...I know I'm probably preaching to the choir when I say this, but the ex-girlfriend sounds like a complete whackjob. Considering her mental instabilities (what I would venture to assume after reading your descriptions of her), I wouldn't rule out the possibility of her faking a pregnancy just to get attention. When she realizes she's not getting enough attention and that she would have to start showing to have a believable pregnancy, she may magically "miscarry".
I didn't see anything about this in the previous posts, so I'll ask now. Is the girl's family hurting for money? Does the girl herself seem like she wants money? A second thought I was having was that, if she is indeed pregnant, she could be trying to wrangle your son into fatherhood for the sake of child support so she and/or her family could have extra money. I've heard stories about women of all ages who get pregnant just to receive child support. If your son was being truthful about using condoms each time they had sex, is it possible the girl sabotaged them (like poked holes in them)? Did she seem very baby-rabid?
The girl seems to have a screwed-up home life, so for all we know, she may have figured a baby would make life all puppies and rainbows and everything would be fine and dandy. Aside from my rant, I really hope you get some kind of solid proof of this girl's pregnancy. Some little inkling tells me that something's fishy in this situation...why would the girl's mum be so hesitant about giving you proof of the girl's confirmed pregnancy if there wasn't anything to hide?
I wish you and your son the best of luck in this situation.
The family is definitely working class, both parents are self-employed, there are FIVE kids, all girls, and they don't appear to have much. But then, either do we! I am also self-employed (a freelance writer/marketer) and my husband passed away almost 13 years ago. So there's no money to be had here, and as far as my son, he's 17, no job, doesn't drive yet, is *barely* making it through school, so he's not going to provide much in child support! If she thinks he's going to be her knight on a white horse to "rescue" her from her home, I'm afraid she's sorely mistaken! I mean I love him but he can barely pick up his own dirty clothes!!
I know this is really frustrating for you. The mother LOST the pregnancy test results? How in the world? This is just insanity and YES, it sounds like 2+2 is equalling 5 right now!
I wonder too, IF she is pregnant, if it isn't the other boys baby and that's why they LOST the paperwork? I mean, if they were able to tell how far along she is and it coincides with the time she hooked up with the other boy, then 2+2 does =5!! And, if they do come accross that paperwork, then I'd still want her to take a home test at your home so you will know that paperwork hasn't been faked/forged/altered. I went to school with a girl who did that. She actually altered the paperwork! When she got caught, she started saying the guy raped her! Drama Queen trying desperately to get attention. And your son swears he used a condom each time right? If he is telling the truth and they never had one break, then there is a good chance she's either lying or it's the other guys baby. (again, if she is indeed pregnant)
If this girl is pregnant, I'd be asking for a paternity test as soon as that baby is born too. As the possible father of the baby, your son has a legal right to request it.
I also find it odd that the mother hasn't taken this girl for any kind of prenatal care???!! What kind of mom is she? If they can't afford a private OB, then she certainly can take her to the clinic. This puzzle is just too weird to try and put together.
I still HOPE this is just a bogus claim from a troubled girl trying to get attention. She sounds creepy to me calling all his friends and such.....
Hey Createyourlife, ive been following your story and just wanted to say ive been through a kinda similar situation, when i met my now husband, he had a whacko of an ex girlfriend, who was so sore that they split up that she announced she was pregnant with his baby(she was 18 at the time) we all knew she was lying except my husband (ugh men are so gullible) many times she rang him and told him ''she was bleeding with all the stress'' and was in hosiptal having a miscarriage then when hubby went to find her at the hospital there was no sign of her, surprise surprise. then she would call and say she was back home and dr said no stress and they should try and get back together (yeah right) basically she would never show him proof or anything, then things went quiet, after a few home truths from me haha. then out of the blue about 6 months later he had an sms from her saying she had given birth to a little boy (how crazy was this girl?!) called him whatever i never took any notice of the name and said that she had registered hubby as the father, which is complete poo cause in the uk the father has to0 be present at the time of registering to be put down as father. i said to hubby he hadda sort this out once and for all, so he arranged to met her with this miracle baby, he arranged this about a million times and each time she cancelled, so we called the births,deaths,and marriages place to see if a baby had been registered, low and behold nothing. during all this time I had gotten pregnant with our daughter. when my daughter was about 6 moonths old we were shopping and saw her minus one baby and i took great pride in asking daddy very loudly to push his girl haha. we never heard anything from her after that thank god. so , the moral of this story i guess is some girls will tell big lies to keep a boy. i think your right to assume there is no baby until you get proof, good luck and best wishes
Mia-Louise jan '04
Jacob april '07
Thanks for your note. Wow, that is whacko!! So far I've heard nothing from the girl, nothing from the mother, although my son says he's talked to her a few times and she still says she's pregnant. Well, school starts back up in about three weeks so it will be interesting when he sees her to find out if she's "showing".
I don't know the rules on these kinds of things. But there isn't ANY way you could find out? It seems like hte kind of thing I would want to as soon as possible. If she IS in fact pregnant...I would want to know ASAP. Why don't you talk to your son about maybe...her taking a pg test with him?
ive got a question for gemmalou (sorry to jump on your thread createyourlife). It was just concerning what you said about contacting births deaths and marriages to see if a baby had been registered, i just wonder what info you gave them when they confirmed that the baby hadnt been registered? its just a friend of mine is trying to trace his daughter, who is now 3. he had a fling which ended before he knew the woman was pregnant, and has found out odd bits about the little girl, he knows her first name and possible surname, and the mother's first name aswell as the date of birth, but was told he hadnt got enough info when he contacted them. the little girl's mother also told him she has had the birth certificate information made private because she claims he was violent towards her so all her info has been "protected". just thought id ask because im also from the uk so if you could help with this that would be great, thanks
we gave his ex's full name, the (imaginary)kiddies full name and date and place of birth, that was it really, we explained our story to the lady and she looked for us. i think it may just depend on the person you speak to and if theyre in a good mood or not and also what kinda info you want to know, we just wanted to know if there was an entry of such, as far as info being protected? ive never heard of that, it may just be worth while emailing or contacting BD&M's to ask if this is true. hope this helps, and i wish your friend the best of luck finding his little girl
Mia-Louise jan '04
Jacob april '07
i guess it just depends on how much you know, my friend isnt sure of his ex's surname as she has changed it a lot so that makes it difficult, even if hes told theres no such entry it could be because a different surname has been used.
thank you for your help
Here's a little more insanity to add to this story...
Last night I got a call from my son's friend, let's call him "T", who told me that the girl and her parents had given HIM ultrasounds proving that she was pregnant. Keep in mind, "T" is 16 years old. When I asked him why on earth her parents would give this info to him and ask him to intervene, he said it was because they think I'm mad at the girl and that I don't want to communicate with them (which I NEVER indicated to the mother). Granted, I won't deal with the father, he gave up that right when he decided it was OK to assault my son.
In any event, I told "T" that it was totally inappropriate for her parents to get him involved and that this was a matter for the adults to handle. He then told me that her parents weren't mad at my son and that it was OK if he wanted to come to their house again and resume his relationship with the girl. I told "T" to tell her parents that the decision to end the relationship was mine, that it still stands, that my son's relationship with her was over, to which ""T" replied, "well, she is carrying his baby." Now I'm being patronized by a 16 year old!! Is it just me, or is this wildly innappropriate??
I ended the conversation by telling "T" that if the mother wants to contact me, I'll be happy to talk to her, but that no further conversations would be going on between me and him or anyone else the parents decide to drag into this. As far as finding out for sure if she is indeed pregnant, I've tried and can't get a straight answer from anyone. They will have to contact me with proof and then we'll go from there. I'm done chasing these people around trying to find out the truth!
I'd just shut the door on the situation and wait and see if your son gets some legal paperwork in the mail, if and when the baby is born.....
at that point, get him a paternity test, and go from there.
there is no point in spinning aimlessly, wondering and panicing, if no one else seems that riled up about it.