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Old 09-11-2006, 11:15 AM   #1
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Exclamation I want a baby

Me and my boyfriend have spoke alot about this. I have my moments when im scared to have a baby because i sometimes worry (will i be a good mother? What if something happens to my baby? Where will i raise my baby? What should my baby believe in my bf is muslim im catholic?). Me and my boyfriend had sex and he ejaculated in me and im very excited but not too excited I was no where close to my ovulation time so i dont want to get all happy and then get my period.


I just felt like venting....

 
Old 09-11-2006, 11:41 AM   #2
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Re: I want a baby

I went back and read some of your previous posts, which made me have to entirely edit my response.

I see that you're 21, right? So, not sure why this post ended up on the teen pregnancy board if you're 21. Sounds like there is a lot of stress and drama in your life. Why bring a baby into that? A baby isn't a magic wand that will make everything better. Plus, I've also read about your financial problems. I'm sorry, but I disagree with people who have babies when they aren't ready and then receive financial support from the government. I pay a lot of money in taxes and I work hard yet still, I live paycheck to paycheck -- I don't do all that to help people have babies when they can't afford it, but that's what happens. I don't like having to help irresponsible people. I wish I had more of the money I make for myself so I could save up to buy a house and start my own family, but no. Are you sure you don't want to have a baby with this guy just to spite your sister? What a bad idea!

Plus, you still live with your mom and sister. You should wait until you can afford to buy your own home. I make $45,000 a year (about $21/hour) and I couldn't afford to have a baby right now! You say you've only had one job (camp counselor), so I doubt you make that much. With rent, car payments and insurance, paying for taxes and electric bills, and more bills -- something unexpected always happens -- it is just enough money for me only. Plus, I'm still enjoying the fun of my 20's. I couldn't have this type of fun if I had a baby. When I turned 21, it was so fun to go out and socialize and try new things, travel to new places, without being tied down to a baby. You can't have both; the baby needs all of your attention.

I know babies are cute and all that, and seem like a lot of fun, and sure they are fun -- if you're 100% ready. Even then, still a lot of work; there's no way to know what it is like until you're in the situation. I know it seems awesome to be in love, having sex, and yes you can physically have a baby, but that's not a reason to bring a baby into the world.

From the sounds if it, you're not ready for a baby. You haven't even worked out with your boyfriend what religion the baby would practice. Plus all the issues with you and your sisters and your depression. How are you going to agree on how to raise a baby in other regards, such as what to do when the baby won't stop crying -- do you leave him/her alone for awhile or do you constantly carry him/her around until they stop? You don't want to have endless fighting about these things. I can think of a million other reasons to wait to have a baby, too.

You have until you're around 40-45 years old to have babies (maybe even older, not sure), so why the hurry? If you're going to be with your BF forever, there's no reason to have one now. Instead, you can enjoy each other for years, then settle down to have a baby when you have everything else you need in life and everything you need to provide for the child (house, career, money, a safe reliable vehicle, etc.). I hope that helps!

Last edited by minnesotagirl; 09-11-2006 at 12:05 PM.

 
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Old 09-11-2006, 12:03 PM   #3
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Re: I want a baby

yeah i dont have all the answers im 21 about to be 22 my boyfriend has a very reliable and well paying job no im not working at the time but i am looking for a job i live with my mother and my two sisters.


i want to have my baby while im young im not saying older mothers arent good enough my mother had me and my younger sister when she was in her 40s and im happy with how i was raised but i am now 21 and she is in her 60s i want to be able to keep up with my child i want the energy i have now when he/she is 12 13 14 15 etc... i know a child is alot of work and takes alot of money but how many ppl can actually say they were financially free to have a baby when they did im not saying i want to raise my baby on welfare or have some1 else pay for everything


i may be already pregnant i dont know im waiting to see i dont have all the answers i just know that if i am im gonna be so happy. also the religion is the only thing that im worried about me and him spoke about it and he said hes ok with the baby practicing my religion its his mother that im afraid wont agree but i doubt this would be a big issue. im mature enough to know that babys arent like pets that once u get tired of them u can easily get rid of it.

 
Old 09-11-2006, 12:15 PM   #4
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Re: I want a baby

Sorry I didn't mean for my post to sound rude, I hope it didn't. But, if you wait just a few years, you'll still be a young parent -- at least, much younger than your mom was when you were kids. Trust me, even 28 isn't old! I know I'll be way active for my kids when I do have them. There's not much of a difference (as far as being a young parent) than starting when you're 21 vs. 25 years old. That way, you'll be with your BF for YEARS instead of months when you start a family together. Have you ever been in a long-term relationship --- long term means YEARS, like two years or more. That is when you really get to know someone. If you had your first baby when you are 25, then you'll only be 43 when they finish high school!! Still young! If you had one now, you'd only be 39. But, the difference in maturity between 21 and 25 (and relationship maturity of 10 months vs. 4 years) is a much more important thing to consider. I hope that makes sense.

 
Old 09-11-2006, 12:25 PM   #5
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Re: I want a baby

yeah it makes sense if im not pregnant already i will wait 4 years go by fast anyways i know my mom will probably flip but once the baby is here she will be happy me and my boyfriend are working on getting engaged and i already told my mom and she gave us her blessings which is a big plus. i still got weeks to wait to know if im already pregnant lol lets see what happens

 
Old 09-11-2006, 12:52 PM   #6
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Re: I want a baby

Quote:
Originally Posted by Lissy718
Where will i raise my baby? What should my baby believe in my bf is muslim im catholic?).
these are questions you need to answer BEFORE you get pregnant

add a couple more.....who's going to pay for what your baby needs?
are you planning on marrying the father?

 
Old 09-11-2006, 02:07 PM   #7
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Re: I want a baby

Quote:
Originally Posted by rosequartz
these are questions you need to answer BEFORE you get pregnant

add a couple more.....who's going to pay for what your baby needs?
are you planning on marrying the father?


i should have been more specific i meant am i gonna raise the baby around my mother or his and i already stated what we are gonna do about money and yes i am marrying my boyfriend we are already kinda engaged.

 
Old 09-11-2006, 02:12 PM   #8
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Re: I want a baby

you stated what you were going to do for money? I must of missed that, because I read that you are looking for a job.

wouldn't you think the baby deserves to know both it's grandparents?
not just one or the other?

I don't think you're mature enough to have a baby. You don't have the means to take care of one. Why don't you get married before you start worrying about a baby.....and what does kinda engaged mean?

 
Old 09-11-2006, 02:54 PM   #9
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Re: I want a baby

Quote:
Originally Posted by rosequartz
you stated what you were going to do for money? I must of missed that, because I read that you are looking for a job.

wouldn't you think the baby deserves to know both it's grandparents?
not just one or the other?

I don't think you're mature enough to have a baby. You don't have the means to take care of one. Why don't you get married before you start worrying about a baby.....and what does kinda engaged mean?

I didnt say anything about what am I gonng do for money I said im looking for a job and the baby would know both its grandparents but most likely live with just one.


You dont know me to tell me im not mature enough for a baby and what i meant my kinda engaged is that i dont have a ring but my mom already knows and she agrees

 
Old 09-11-2006, 02:57 PM   #10
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Re: I want a baby

Oh I get it, you can't decide who's parents you are going to live with.....if you have to live with parents, than no you are not mature enough to have a child. Get out in the real world, pay rent, pay electricity, etc.....make your way.....THEN maybe you will be mature enough for a child.

nope I don't know you, but I can tell from reading your posts that you're not mature enough to raise a baby......and you don't have a ring, but your mom knows, so that makes you kind of engages.......

I will say a prayer that you don't end up pregnant


 
Old 09-11-2006, 03:40 PM   #11
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Re: I want a baby

Quote:
Originally Posted by rosequartz
Oh I get it, you can't decide who's parents you are going to live with.....if you have to live with parents, than no you are not mature enough to have a child. Get out in the real world, pay rent, pay electricity, etc.....make your way.....THEN maybe you will be mature enough for a child.

nope I don't know you, but I can tell from reading your posts that you're not mature enough to raise a baby......and you don't have a ring, but your mom knows, so that makes you kind of engages.......

I will say a prayer that you don't end up pregnant


No i meant whos parent are we gonna live close by to my bfs mom lives 45 away from my house and you dont know what ive done if i have paid a bill or anything you dont know nothing about me lol and what does my post have anything to do with my ability to raise a baby. Save your prayers for someone who needs them.... say what you want after this your post will be ignored i dont need to explain nothing to you

 
Old 09-11-2006, 03:48 PM   #12
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Re: I want a baby

i just wanetd to chime in, lissy i am not here to judge you at all, but please listen!! just because you are only 21 and may not have all the money in the world, does not mean you will not love your child with all of your heart.. i believe that you will, and thats what u and your boyfriend are looking for... something of your own to love and care for, which is better then some other people out there who are much older have ltos of money and dont spend any time with their childden, but after all that being said... you live with your mom, that is not a good place to be in while intentionally bringing a child into the world... u need to take care of yourself first! u may do a lot for yourself, as i felt i did before i moved out, but its a whole different world paying rent or a mortgage,with car payments, ins, utilities, etc etc etc.. and im sure ur mom would love the baby, but is it fair to her, she had to raise you, and your siblings, and now you want to bring another child into her home that she pays for!! and if your "fiance" has a good paying job why dont u guys get a place together? or even get married, before u decide to have a baby?? i am only 2 yrs older then u, but i have lived on my own for almost 4, i am married, me and my husband work and pay our bills... so i can be a "young" mother if i want to be, because i have the "means" to do it.. now if u are already pregnant, i do wish u all the luck in the world and will pray for u and your new family, but if u are not please try and work things out in you life and taking care of yourself, before u bring a child into the world that u truly cant afford, and im sure the burden will be on one of ur parents to due stuff for you, and its not their job!

Last edited by ASPROUSEY05; 09-11-2006 at 03:50 PM.

 
Old 09-11-2006, 03:57 PM   #13
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Re: I want a baby

Quote:
Originally Posted by ASPROUSEY05
i just wanetd to chime in, lissy i am not here to judge you at all, but please listen!! just because you are only 21 and may not have all the money in the world, does not mean you will not love your child with all of your heart.. i believe that you will, and thats what u and your boyfriend are looking for... something of your own to love and care for, which is better then some other people out there who are much older have ltos of money and dont spend any time with their childden, but after all that being said... you live with your mom, that is not a good place to be in while intentionally bringing a child into the world... u need to take care of yourself first! u may do a lot for yourself, as i felt i did before i moved out, but its a whole different world paying rent or a mortgage,with car payments, ins, utilities, etc etc etc.. and im sure ur mom would love the baby, but is it fair to her, she had to raise you, and your siblings, and now you want to bring another child into her home that she pays for!! and if your "fiance" has a good paying job why dont u guys get a place together? or even get married, before u decide to have a baby?? i am only 2 yrs older then u, but i have lived on my own for almost 4, i am married, me and my husband work and pay our bills... so i can be a "young" mother if i want to be, because i have the "means" to do it.. now if u are already pregnant, i do wish u all the luck in the world and will pray for u and your new family, but if u are not please try and work things out in you life and taking care of yourself, before u bring a child into the world that u truly cant afford, and im sure the burden will be on one of ur parents to due stuff for you, and its not their job!

thank you very much for your kind and understanding post i understand what you are saying totally. I wasnt trying to get myself pregnant and i might not even be. I understand that a baby isnt easy to care in alot of ways. Me and my bf already spoke about this and if im not pregnant we will avoid it. thank you again for your words of wisdom. I wasnt trying to come out ignorant in my other post but shesh.....

 
Old 09-12-2006, 03:48 PM   #14
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Re: I want a baby

Lissy~ I'm very sorry there has been some less than supportive replies to your post. I don't really have to much advice to give you other than....Having a baby is a huge responsiblity. In so many ways. So please make your decision based on facts and research not just your heart. That's hard to do sometimes but you and your boyfriend deserve that. so do your future children. Assuming your not already pregnant. Keep us updated and I wish you only the best. Luv Jess

 
Old 09-14-2006, 05:05 PM   #15
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Re: I want a baby

Lissy.........I have to agree with the others as far as waiting goes. Why jump into parenthood at this point? You are not living on your own, you are not married, you don't have a job.........why not accomplish those things first???

Having a baby now would mean sacrificing many things. Don't you want to get married first? Have a nice honeymoon? Travel? Enjoy your youth? I was 18 when I had my 1st child. I never got to travel. When all my friends were getting together to go out, I was at home raising my children. I'm now almost 31 and my friends are just now starting to get married and have kids. My kids are now 12 and 7. My friends have accomplished so much because of their decisions to wait. They've traveled.......went to college, have good careers, are financially stable.........so on and so forth. I didn't even have a job when I got pregnant. Granted my hubby had a good job, but that job suddenly wasn't enough when our 1st came along.

Just seriously sit and think about it. You are so young. Wait til you experience life. Not only that, but if you have so many personal issues with family, depression and whatnot.............why are you even thinking of doing this? That wouldn't be fair to bring a baby into that. You don't have a plan. You don't know what religion to raise the baby, where you want to live..........etc. Figure those things out first.

 
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