It will be interesting to see your posts in a year or so in the parenting forum, the relationship forum, the mental health forums. I really feel for any child brought into such a potentially inadequate situation. It's hard enough to raise a child in the best of situations--mature two parent MARRIED parents, good income allowing one mom to stay home full time for a while, etc--much less one brought into the world by teens who on a whim decide to "play mommy and daddy" and have not a CLUE of what it truly entails.
I got pregnant at 17 (not on purpose, but my son was MUCH wanted) and guess what, my high school kicked me out, and I WAS MARRIED. I had to go back after I had the baby) They don't want pregnant girls at school. Things don't always go as planned. And to intentionally have a child when you don't have your own house, or are not financially ready is irresponsible to the child. It is great that you are both dedicated, but it is better to wait until it is in the best interest of the baby.
Might sound retarded or not so understandable..but I'm seventeen (at least I will be in a few days) and I want to have a baby with my boyfriend My Mom doesn't know, neither does his Mom, but we are, now, using unprotective sex to help us out. I use to be on birth-control, Sprintee. But I was only on it for a week or so..and, then, we decided just, now, that we want to have a baby. ^_____^ Crazed or going through phase? I'd say CRAZED!!!
I'm quoting your post so maybe you will read it again, because you sound surprised people aren't reacting well to your post, yet you yourself offer two explanations: crazed or going through a phase.
Your last post is actually the first post that showed any maturity at all, in fact, all the rest were so ridiculous that I wouldn't be surprised if this were a joke just to get people going (successfully, too).
To me, the biggest question on your degree of maturity is this: "Hey, Jesse. I'm glad you joined this site, it's awesome. It's helping me a lot as you can see. Helping me find more reasons why I want to do this so badly. hehe."
If getting back at some anonymous people on a forum gives you motivation to have a baby... wow.
Anyway, I am all for supporting young teens who make mistakes, because children shouldn't have to suffer the consequences of their parent's foolishness, but to do it ON PURPOSE when you are in no way financially able to support this child without any help from your mother or the government but on your own. That to me, is the biggest sign that you are not ready. That fact that you can't even see that as a requirement screams that you have no idea what you are doing. A mature person would want something better for their child, and would be thinking about his/her best interests, not just about herself.
The medical care for my daughter is about $250 dollars a month (not including co pays for appointments, dentist, or urgent care visits). Her diapers (7 diapers a day) cost us $60 dollars a month, plus $30 for wipes. Clothes... OMG, over a $1500 dollars so far, she is 2. Toys price varies. Food.Formula is $23 a can, you go through a can a week if you bottle feed. There is NO way you could pay for that with $10 an hour. I understand that you want a baby, and nothing I say will change that, but PLEASE think about it. Can you even afford prenatal care? God forbid you get gestational diabetes, or toxemia, where you have to see the doctor once a week, and you AND the baby are in danger. I would like to add that you have a greater risk of toxemia when you are under 20. Maternal death rate goes up with that. And every appointment could cost you a lot of money. Depends on the doctor. Did you know ONE ultrasound can cost about $400. If you are high risk, you can count on paying over $1500 just on those. You REALLY need to consider this. Like I said, I got PG at 17 and had a normal pregnancy until... my son died when I was 36 weeks pregnant. I had to deliver my dead son at 18 years old (stillbirth, another thing you probably had no clue about. It can happen to anyone, random, no warning). I WAS NOT EMOTIONALLY MATURE enough to handle that. I had my daughter at 19. I was high risk, and everything is EXPENSIVE. I wont lie, she is worth it, but keep in mind. My husband has a great job $23+ dollars an hour, I work part time, go to college, and my daughter never even sees daycare (she is always with me or my husband) and it is HARD. I DO NOT recommend it because, I was young and immature, but I am now mature in a way that you cannot even comprehend (I am basing this on your posts). I say you should wait. I know you don't want to wait, but you HAVE to think of the child. You can't realize how much you truly grow up from 17 on. But in a few years, you will know. Please wait, for the baby.
Hi..I am in no way placing judgment...I don't know you both and I wish you well...I would hope and pray that you would think really hard before you become pregnant. I work for an OBGYN and the highest population of women that have high risk pregnancies are the Moms that are under 21 years old. Having said that, the risk is not only for your health, but also the health of your baby. So Jesse, just remember that fact (I promise I am not being mean, just concerned)..If you really love her, don't let her risk her life or the life of that precious baby. Also, just as an FYI...You will both have to probably work.....Daycare expenses are insane!!!! I mean crazy at best....For one child (infant) the costs run around $200-$250 per week....I have to tell you, that is just the cost of the facility, some places charge you more for just little things...My Mom says that they nickle and dime us to death and that is how I feel! I paid almost $9,000.00 last year in daycare for my daughter.
Anyway, the daycare was totally something that I had no idea about...holy bananas I was in shock...Oh and one more thing..you have to find someone that you TRUST!!! I went through 4 providers in 6 months...
At one place my daughters eardrum burst and they did not know it....I found it out when I picked her up and she had goop all over her......That was her last day there...
Sorry to keep on, but I just wanted you to know some of the stuff that no one ever told me..
Good Luck to you both....
I Just turned 18 and Im currently 9 months pregnant (not planned). I just wanted to share with you my experience of being a teen mother, well pregnant teen. Im not going to write to you to tell you that its the most horrible thing that has ever happened to me, cuz its not. But it certainly hasnt not been the most fun. If you do decide to get pregnant be sure that you are not only financially stable, but physically and emotionally. Being pregnant has been such a challenge for me. I just graduated high school, am enrolling in college, and have a part time job. Even though my boyfriend and my family are EXTREMELY excited and very supportive it has been really tough. Being pregnant is not just a physical change. It is an emotional roll-a-coaster. (Well for me, some women love being pregnant.) The first 3 months of my pregnancy I had morning sickness, EXTREME fatigue, headaches, frequent urination, and mood swings. On top of that being pregnant is stressful and you constantly need to make sure your eating and drinking things that are good for your baby, as well as taking vitamins. Once I started gaining weight, my back and shoulders started hurting, it became more complicated to sleep, still had the morning sickness, extreme fatigue, headaches, frequent urination, hemorriods, and mood swings. Now that Im further along I still have most of these symptoms, its extremely hard to sleep at night because i have to use the bathroom 3 or 4 times and just being extremly uncomfortable. I can never find a comfortable position whether its sitting, lying, or standing. My feet and back are always in pain. Though I did not get stretch marks most women get them around this time. Ive had to change my plans for my whole life. I need to work more hours and go to school part time so that I can afford a nice, reliable car to put my baby in. I needed to buy a crib, changing table, car seat, and clothes. (having a baby shower helps). Be prepared to feel unpretty and no where near sexy. All of your clothes you will grow out of! My grades dropped in school and my absences were outrageous from being sick and tired so often. Im going to be out of work for 8 weeks when I have my baby meaning that my boyfriend will be responsible for making the money for food and other expenses. Not only that, im terrified of going into labor, my pain tolerance is not that high. A baby coming out of me is going to be extremely painful and uncomfortable. There is stress that something could happen to me or my baby. Then after all this I have to take care of my baby for the rest of my life!!! Its scary that someone will depend on me to keep them alive!!! Not that Im an irrisponsible person, because I am infact very responsible and mature but that this responsibility is HUGE, for anyone!!!! If you do decide to go ahead with the pregnancy be ready for all this, plus be prepared to be judged, stared at, and lectured. Know that this is an EXTREMELY HUGE responsibility and that someone will depend on you to live and if you fail there is no second chances. Im not telling you all of this to discourage you but to make you think. Is this what you really want??? Dont get me wrong, I love my son (im having a boy) so much already its unbelievable, and I wouldnt go back and change things but I definatley wish that I would have been "smart" (i guess you could say) and waited. Now I see all the things that I want to give my son, but dont know if I will be able to afford them. Babys get expensive. Not just with diapers but what happens when you take him/her to walmart with you and they want a really cool, expensive toy but you only have money for groceries? And their lil heart breaks when you tell them that they cant have it. Its going to be tough. Your going to want to give your child everything he or she wants. Youll want nothing but the best for them and to spoil them. So be sure that this is the decision you want to make because you cant undo it.
ok some of you make very good points, most based on your own mistakes, or experiences in some way, but like i said before you all dont know us, you dont know how much research we have done, you dont know all the knowledge we have been told by our parents, and you dont know our plans, Allison put this post up here because she wanted to tell someone about what we decided (after a long talk mind you) and we wanted to wait until we knew more and had more plans before telling our parents, and for the people out there that are calling us immature and all that, really shouldnt go by the way we make our post, we are used to talking online with teens, so thats how we react, but we have more maturity then you give us credit for, would it help if i told you all our plan, if so here it is, for one, she isn't pregnant yet, we plan to have decent jobs, and live together, and once we have the baby, we have programs, and connections that will help us, and they dont use the tax payers money, and then when the baby comes, our parents will help watch her/him until Allison has her degree in collage, then once she gets a job good enough to pay for what we need, and then i can be more of a stay at home parent, because i will be a free lance photographer, and you dont have set hours, and so everyone knows, asking for help is a sign of maturity, trust me, we have done all the research, and we have both taken care of babies before, so we have experience with taking care of babies, so i would like it if people would stop calling us immature when you dont know us, or the experience's we have been through, and thank you Kiki89, and yes we are ready for all this, we know the different pains and problems (part of the research we did) and we are ready for it, im going to take care of her while she is going through it, dont worry people, we have plans and we have prepared for this, we didnt just make the decision on a whim, and we will take good care of our baby, and once he/she is born, we will tell you how hard it is, but we are still doing good, and the baby is fine, thank you everyone who posted GOOD advice, and to the others who just judged and criticized us, im sorry you feel that way.
What would you do if the AFP came back abnormal? Now while you are both busy looking that up, think about how much more you need to know. If that were the case, could you handle what that would entail?
The fact that you are going to hand over your baby to one of your mothers to look after while you go out and work or school is not right. That is not fulfilling your responsibility as a parent. Not even being pregnant yet but already planning on handing over the baby to watch is not what have a baby is about.
Someone somewhere has donated or offered money to the associations that you say you are going to use for help. Do you think it's fair to the associations for one to plan on having a have a baby because it's what "THEY" want. That's making them a crutch that one is using to lean on to support them. If one is planning on having a baby then they should be planning on having it with out the help of anyone. You do not fully understand what it takes to be parents. The mother is to care for the baby and father is work and to support the mother and child on your own. If the father is not capable of doing that yet then there should be no planning of a baby. You say that you have fully researched the whole idea of starting a family and you know what it in tales. It seems that research was done for ways to find places that will help out with the baby,or provide, and support it with necessities.
If one wants to have a baby they should do it on their own 2 feet without help relying on the support of others. That's what mothers and fathers do. All the planning before the baby is born to have an association or state or family help out just is not correct.
The associations or state are there to help out mothers who ended up pregnant by accident with no where else to go. Not for people to plan a pregnancy and use them to help them out because the mother and father WANTS to have a baby though they are not ready or fully capable of having a baby or the things that a newborn needs at this time in their life.
Last edited by FromSqueaky; 06-07-2007 at 10:29 AM.
Interesting thread. A few things went through my mind. Too long to try to digest it all, but left me with some initial thoughts. First, Iím wondering what the real motivation for writing was in the first place. Also, why are you so desperate to defend your position to complete strangers? You seem dead set on this and really seem to be trying to convince everyone you are doing the right thing and I canít get any other feeling than you want approval for it. Seems this is the wrong place for that, for total strangers to support the idea--clearly that in itself shows a degree of immaturity.
Having said that, sure there are examples of people that have children young and make it through life and in the end can say ďwe made it, see?Ē. It can be done, but you are in for a ride. Iíll say, you have thought about this, you are making an effort to think of all those things you perceive as being important and responsible but your lack of experience is evident in your logic.
No matter how well you plan this out, things will not work out the way you planned. Count on itóthat is just the way life is. You are not going to be able to control everything because you are by your own admission, planning on relying on other people. That makes you vulnerable so you should really think about that. The more self reliant you are, the better.
Sounds like you guys are gonna do what you are gonna do. Hopefully you really are as tight as you are professing. If you are, you have a chance of making it because you will have each other to get you through those tough times, and you will have them. If it becomes too much for one of you, and you donít talk and work it out every step of the way there wonít be much to keep it together. But really, you are starting out with a deficit.
I'm 29 and having my first baby in December. I cannot even comprehend how you think you will be ready to support a baby at 17--not just emotionally, but finacially.
I have my Bachelor's degree and my Master's Degree and teach at a community college. My husband has a Ph.D. and has a job as a biochemist at NASA. We are technically well-off, but even so, having this baby is a strain on our finances. I can't comprehend how a $10/hour job would be adequate to support a baby!
There are so many expenses, and I don't see why you wouldn't want to give your baby the best in life that you can offer--one of the first things my husband and I wanted to do after getting married was to get out of an apartment and into a house because we wanted to bring up our child in a nice neighborhood with plenty of room to play. I'm not saying it's bad to have a baby in an apartment, but I'm even doubtful you have your own place at all. Houses are expensive--you are looking at spending upwards of $100,000 (and that is often for a lived-in older house). And you need a car to take your baby to appointments, insurance to drive the car, carseat, crib, diapers, baby clothes. And if you get an apartment, you can look at $400-$500 dollars per month (or even more) going to rent.
I was mature for my age at 17...but in no way did I think I was ready for a baby. Even now, at 29 years old, I'm anxious about my ability to be a good mother...and you SHOULD be questioning your ability to parent because it shows that you are willing to look at yourself, your new family, and decide on what changes need to take place before and after baby comes. It doesn't sound like you are clearly evaluating the situation.
You have your blinders on when it comes to the situation versus reality. I had a situation when I was in college where I developed anorexia. I weighed 80 lb. and thought I still needed to lose weight. Now, if I posted on here that I weighed 80 lb. and needed diet tips, would you tell me it's a good idea to go on losing weight? As stupid as it sounds, I literally posted things like that on online forums and didn't want to hear when people told me I was sick and needed to get help and check into a hospital. I feel this is very similar to the situation you're in except that my situation was an actual illness and yours is just being irresponsible. And it actually turned out all those people posting who I didn't want to listen to were RIGHT! In the end, I did have a choice--to lose more weight and die or to gain weight and get my life back. You have a choice too and yours is not half so difficult as the choice I faced back then because your thinking is not addled by malnutrition (at least I'm assuming not?!).
Please, make the right choice. You have the whole rest of your lives to have children. You will be fertile for a very long time. Women easily can get pregnant up until they are 35 years old (and often older). That is over double your age! Don't you want to get married, travel, get your degrees, enjoy your freedom a bit before being tied down with a child?
as i said before, we can handle a baby, we know a lot more then you seem to think, just because were young, doesn't mean were inexperienced, your just asuming that because of our age, well i bet we have been through more this last year then you have the past 5.
Hello Allison, im glad i joined too ^___^
Have you finished school yet? Do you have a job that can support a baby? Kids are very expensive and require alot of time and effort. My advice would be to wait, why on earth would you do that to a poor child? Hind sight is always 20/20 ... and I can guarantee you will regret this at some point. HOw do you even know you will be together?? we change alot in our 20's!