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Old 04-15-2004, 02:38 AM   #1
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Question Last Name for Baby, please help

Hello. I desperately need some advice. I am not married and I am pregnant with a man's child who is seperated. His wife and him have a child together and they all have the same lastname. His wife will not give him a divorce so most likely by the time baby comes he will unfortunately still be married to her. I have some questions...If I give the baby my lastname, can I still get him to pay child support if we are not together? Also, (and I'm just thinking of all scenerio's) if he leaves me and goes back to his wife and the baby has his lastname it just seems wrong to me. I do love this man with all my heart but I have to look out for the best interest of my child. Am I being selfish if I give baby my lastname?

 
Old 04-15-2004, 06:55 AM   #2
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Re: Last Name for Baby, please help

i dont think you are being selfish. in fact i think you can name him as the father and still use your last name. even if you dont name him at all and he goes back to his wife you can get a court oreder peternity (sp?) test to prove to the court he is that father and he will have to pay child support no matter what the last name or birth certificate says. i am not a lawyer so you should ask a pro, but do what feels right in your heart.
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Old 04-15-2004, 11:14 AM   #3
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Re: Last Name for Baby, please help

I have been in a similar situation except the father of my child has nothing to do with her. When I delivered my daughter in order for her father to be on her birth certificate he had to be their with ID to sign maybe because we are not married i am not sure. My daughter now has my last name and would have regardless of his decision. If you were to give the baby his last name depending on your situation that could lead to a lot of un neaded problems most likely with his wife. Yes you can still recieve child support despite the issue of the childs last name all you need is a paternity test which if he contested the issue he would have to pay for. If their is a doubt on the two of you staying together I would give your child your last name being as which you may never carry that name yourself.

Last edited by tristybug; 04-15-2004 at 11:18 AM. Reason: mis read the question

 
Old 04-15-2004, 11:31 AM   #4
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Re: Last Name for Baby, please help

Give the baby your last name. DEFINATELY. I personally think that children should have the same last name as their mother no matter what. I don't have a problem with women taking their husband's last name (I did) but if a woman isn't married and has a baby then that baby shouldn't be named after the father... just my opinion.

As for the legal issue the baby does not have to have the father's last name to make him legaly obligated to pay child support.

My advice would be to speak to a lawyer and find out what you need to do to protect yourself and your child.

 
Old 04-15-2004, 11:53 AM   #5
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Re: Last Name for Baby, please help

Now if the baby didn't have his lastname, does he have to get a paternity test to prove he is the father? If the baby did have his lastname, would he not have to get a paternity test? Now I don't know how he would act on this, I'm just thinking of all possibilities. What if he denied being the father?

 
Old 04-15-2004, 12:29 PM   #6
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Re: Last Name for Baby, please help

Quote:
Originally Posted by Kia3238
Now if the baby didn't have his lastname, does he have to get a paternity test to prove he is the father? If the baby did have his lastname, would he not have to get a paternity test? Now I don't know how he would act on this, I'm just thinking of all possibilities. What if he denied being the father?
Put the name out of your mind. It has no legal issues that I'm aware of. You can name your baby whatever you want and it won't make any difference on the father being financially responsible.

Here are the possiblities. Either he can admit it is his kid and sign the birth certificate. Or he can deny it and then you have to get him to take a paternity test. If he doesn't want to do the test you can take him to court about it.

Again, talk to a lawyer about this. They can give you much better and more acurate advice. Also know that laws are different in each state so what might be the right where I live might be different where you are.

 
Old 04-15-2004, 12:47 PM   #7
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Re: Last Name for Baby, please help

When I had my daughter 8 1/2 years ago, my daughter's father (who left me when I was 5 mos. pg) was too busy with his new girlfriend to make the time to sign the birth certificate & pick us up from the hospital . Now, I live in Florida and I was perplexed with the SAME decision on who's last name she should have. The social worker that was on staff told me that I would have a better chance of going after him for child support if she was in his last name, which I now know is BS, so I put her in his last name. 8 years later, I am trying to make the decision of whether or not to change it to my last name. I don't want to confuse her, since she has grown up to know the last name she currently has, but it kills me to know that she carries the name of a man that wants nothing to do with her! I mean, why should he be "honored" by having a child named after him?!?!?!?!?

My advice to you is to have the child share your last name, unless he ends up marrying you, then change it to his. Or, you could hyphenate it (your last name-his last name or vice versa) for the time being. It really is up to you!

In the end, don't let someone tell you that it's better, financially, to have the baby in his last name - there are DNA tests for that ! I know that if I had it to do over, I would DEFINITELY have her in my last name!!!

GOOD LUCK!

Last edited by KimRick; 04-15-2004 at 12:50 PM.

 
Old 04-15-2004, 03:00 PM   #8
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Re: Last Name for Baby, please help

My parents were married when I wasn born and they divorced when I was seven. We opted not to have any contact with him at all because he was a jerk and, frankly, I did not want his last name. My mom went back to her m***** name and I changed it with her because I didn't want a different last name than my mother. If this man is any sort of a man, he will understand your concerns and support your child regardless of his/her last name. If he divorces his wife and marries you, you can always change your and your child's name later. Since it looks like you might be a single mom for at least a while, I'd go with your instincts on this. Personally, I'd rather have the name of the mother who loved me, rather than the father who wasn't particularly supportive. Does that make sense?

 
Old 04-15-2004, 08:22 PM   #9
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Re: Last Name for Baby, please help

Quote:
Originally Posted by KimRick
I mean, why should he be "honored" by having a child named after him?!?!?!?!?
KimRick, I am SO glad that you put it into those words!!!!!

Kia, I'm currently 8 months pregnant myself. I broke off with my ex, baby's father, when I was about four months pregnant because of a great deal of stress that he was putting me through. After a while, I tried to start talking to him again. I told him that the baby would be having my last name, and he basically flipped, but guess what? He got over it, if not, he will...because my baby is going to have my last name regardless of what ANYBODY says!!!

I've never heard that there is anything against naming your baby after you and the father having to pay child support. Like everyone else has said, you can name your child whatever you want, the DNA test says it all! If you truely want to name your baby after you, go for it. The way I see it is, I'm not married, and my baby will be living with me, so why shouldn't we have the same name. My baby's father responded to me telling him the baby's last name by saying something along the lines of "I don't ask/haven't asked for anything but for my child to have my last name." What kind of foolishness is that???? My baby gets his last name, and I get everything else??? I get called Mrs. (last name) whenever I pick my baby up from school, and have to correct them and tell them that I'm MS. (OTHER LAST NAME)???? lol, you get what I mean, but it's completely unfair. We're not married, even if we were, there would be no obligation for our child or me to have his last name. So there!!!

But in any case, it depends on the situation. If you want to name your baby after you, DO IT WITHOUT A SECOND THOUGHT!!!!!!

God bless! Let us know what you decided to do!
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Old 04-16-2004, 02:37 PM   #10
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Re: Last Name for Baby, please help

Hi.
I am a single mother and my daughter has my last night. I look at it like this...I am the primary caregiver, therefore she has my last night. Simple as that!

Now...I do have a concern. Once I get married, should I change her last name to my husband's last name? I would want everyone in our household to have the same last name, so maybe I just answered my own question LOL!! But, I guess I would just like to know if anyone has ever done this?

Last edited by PAISLEY; 04-16-2004 at 02:38 PM.

 
Old 04-16-2004, 06:54 PM   #11
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Re: Last Name for Baby, please help

Hi, I know, at least in Canada, when the baby is born, if you are not married to the father, the baby's ID band will have YOUR last name on it. As for child support, I would check with Social Services or a lawyer and if he still has to pay with using your last name for the childs last name, then just my personal opinion, I would use YOUR last name. Good luck.
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