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Old 08-07-2004, 08:42 PM   #1
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Zayazmama HB User
What A Jerk

Hey ladies. Well, I have posted in various places here on the Pregnancy area. I gotta ask something....... Is my BD the only one that is a complete JERK? I have been in a bit of discomfort today. A bit of pain, but I don't think it is anything really serious - or at least I hope it's not. Just a bit of 'twinge' type feelings in that area, but not like cramping or anything. I think maybe it is the soon-to-be baby making its presence known. Anyway, it was making me a bit nervous earlier, so I called my doctor to ask. He (BD) knows how nervous I am about this pregnancy because I had my 1st son 11 1/2 wks early, and have had 2 miscarriages since then. So, needless to say, I am nervous about this. He was right there when the doctor called me back (had to have him paged). But he never said ANYTHING. Never asked what the doc said, nothing. Is it me, or is he a complete jerk? (I actually have much harsher words right now, but I won't go there )....... And I dont think I can say anything about it - why should I? I don't think he even cares about this pregnancy. He has a total of 4 kids right now (1 that is 6yo that we had when we were married several years ago; a 4yo that lives with us; and 2 others from a previous relationship), and I know that he only sees this as just another mouth to feed.

Am I just being a moody prego????

 
Old 08-08-2004, 07:12 PM   #2
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Re: What A Jerk

Assuming BD means "boyfriend" (I'm used to the abbreviation "Bf,") I think the real questions are how did he treat you before you were pregnant (was he as loving as you needed but now that you're pregnant he seems to care less? Or has he always left you with the nagging feeling that he didn't REALLY care?), and how will he treat you and the baby afterwards?

I hope it just didn't occur to him to ask what the doctor said, and he just figured you'd say something if you thought the doctor said anything he needed to know. But if you find yourself feeling your emotional needs are not being met at least to the minimum you'd be satisfied with, consider going to relationship therapy with him.

If he does view this as "another mouth to feed," you and the baby deserve SO MUCH better. You might get some good advice if you post on the relationships board, too.

 
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Old 08-08-2004, 07:27 PM   #3
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lil miss HB User
Re: What A Jerk

i think its difficult to judge someone that you dont know, men are very different to women and think in a very different way, maybe he asumed that if the call from the doctor was serious you would tell him
does he know how nervous you are feeling? sometimes we expect our partners to know how we are feeling, and sometimes us women are so good at pretending everything is ok, maybe you just need to explain how you are feeling and lay your cards out on the table if you still dont get the support you need then you have your answer!

 
Old 08-08-2004, 07:49 PM   #4
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Zayazmama HB User
Re: What A Jerk

Quote:
Originally Posted by ILikeRats
Assuming BD means "boyfriend" (I'm used to the abbreviation "Bf,") I think the real questions are how did he treat you before you were pregnant (was he as loving as you needed but now that you're pregnant he seems to care less? Or has he always left you with the nagging feeling that he didn't REALLY care?), and how will he treat you and the baby afterwards? .
Thanks for the imput. No, what I meant by BD is baby daddy. Sorry..... Its confusing situation. See, we were married before, but divorced in 1998. Early this year, we got back together. His past relationship turn him into a jerk. He covered it up well at first. But, that is neither here nor there.

I vented on him earlier. I told him that I am having this baby with or without his support. (we already have a son who is almost 7). Its confusing. Anyway, he tried to help by saying that I am worrying too much and beating myself up over this thing. Hes a man, he doesnt understand how it feels to know that you have a living thing growing inside of you. I have pretty much come to the conclusion that in a few months when I can get some money saved and get some other things taken care of, I am going to end the relationship anyway. It will be hard raising another one alone (I raised my son alone from the time he was 4 mos old until January of this year [6 yrs]) and fortunately I have a really good male friend (completely platonic) that has been an incredible friend to me for the past few years, and my son adores him, and he adores my son. So, I am not worried. I have done it alone already and I know I have what it takes.

So anyway....Oh BTW...im white, my baby daddy is black, and the relationship counceling thing is a no-go because he thinks it is stupid. Nice huh? He said it is "for white people"...Is that the stupidest thing you ever heard? Oh boy...

Thank you for the advice.....It really helped just to vent my frustration. I LOVE THESE BOARDS!!

 
Old 08-08-2004, 07:49 PM   #5
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Re: What A Jerk

..........

Last edited by Zayazmama; 08-09-2004 at 12:48 PM. Reason: oops

 
Old 08-09-2004, 10:02 AM   #6
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Re: What A Jerk

I am so sorry about your situation. I hope that the stress will not affect your health or the baby's. Just a note: my DH will not ask me what the dr said after a phone call or a visit either, but it's not b/c he doesn't care. It's b/c he's afraid it might be bad news and he's scared to ask...doesn't want to know, even though he has to, kind of thing. Maybe that's the case for your BD. You know best...deep inside you know whether you should be with him or not. I will keep you, your son, and your baby in my prayers.

 
Old 08-09-2004, 12:50 PM   #7
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Zayazmama HB User
Re: What A Jerk

Thanks hun..... He says he doesn't ask because I get too worked up and stressed out, expecting the worst. Maybe he's right, but it would be nice to just feel a bit of support or something. Thats okay though....

I anticipate things will change in the upcoming months. Im about at the end of my rope with him....

Thanks again!!!

 
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