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Old 12-22-2004, 02:15 PM   #1
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chykia HB User
Wink One Lady's Story

Hi everyone,

My name is C S Holliman and I am 27. I struggled with the possibility of not being able to get pregnant since i was 20. (For those of you that know what i'm talking about, I know i don't have to tell you how this made me feel). I had been contemplating talking to a couple of fertility Doctors and even thought about taking fertility drugs. I had been in 2 serious relationships and had not become pregnant once with either of them. As you can imagine as the years went by, my self-confidence went lower and lower. I always told myself that living a life without children was not the road I wanted to travel. I remember March 15, 2004 I was talking to my aunt at the stove and i said, " I'm going to be an old maid with no kids." She told me i had plenty of time and to basically stop worrying. Well, I went to the Emergency Room the next under the impression that i had the flu. I had been on my period for over 2 weeks (I'm very irregular) so I didn't even think to ask for a pregnancy test. When the Doctor came in and asked me was i sexually active, I thought he was gonna tell me i had a Venereal Disease. (I'm not promiscuous. I've been in a committed relationship for 4 years as of 11/05/04). When he told me I was pregnant, you could have knocked me over with a feather. I had been praying for this moment since I was 15. (Moments before the doctor told me the news, I had just been sitting there thinking, "God is never gonna bless me with children." I couldn't believe it. They sent me to get a sonogram the same night and i saw my miracle baby. I was between 6 and 7 weeks. I was so elated. I immediately started getting all my appointments for me and the baby together. I got my WIC, (WOMEN INFANT CHILDREN)-for my ladies who aren't hip to it yet, and my insurance in order. I was so excited. However, my boyfriend was scared out of his mind. (But he stayed and supported me anyway he could). During this time, i put two and two together and realized why I had been so sick for the previous couple of weeks and why i couldn't eat. It's funny but my not being able to tolerate certain smells didn't kick in until after the pregnancy was confirmed. But despite all the nausea, the smells and the tiredness, i was having a ball thinking and planning about my baby. My boyfriend even started to get a little excited. I had my first ultrasound on August 5, 2004. I heard my baby's heart beat. It was wonderful........Sadly, the next week I was getting very bad cramping and it seemed like the pain would come for a while and them stop. Until the pain began to come faster and faster and stay longer. Little did I know that I was misscarrying. I remember I would keep going to the bathroom to try to relieve some of the pain. I never realized I was in Labor and pushing was the wrong thing to do. But it hurt so badly. I couldn't go to work I was in so much pain. I remember blood just coming and coming and the pains just attacking me from all angles. Finally, one sudden rush of blood and I felt no pain. I knew then and there that it was over and my baby was no more. I was so hurt. (I still am) I lost my baby on April 15, 2004 I got to experience and enjoy my baby for 1 whole month. I don't tell this story for sympathy. I tell it because it changed me. This whole experience changed me. I am a better person for it. God showed me that I too, am capable of creating life and being a mother one day. I still think about my baby from time to time and wonder if it would have been a he or she. But I feel blessed just to have had that wonderful 30 days with my little angel. And I know, God willing, I will be a mommy one day. I hope this makes a future mommy smile.

 
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Old 12-22-2004, 04:27 PM   #2
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Join Date: Apr 2004
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mommaboyz HB User
Re: One Lady's Story

Hi im sorry for this happening to you. it sounds awful but yet it seems like you are a very strong person and have delt with it better than many of us would includung me. Have faith one day you will have another angel.

 
Old 12-23-2004, 09:14 AM   #3
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Join Date: Aug 2004
Location: Michigan
Posts: 2,260
jmcummins3 HB User
Re: One Lady's Story

I'm so sorry for your loss, but am encouraged by your newfound enthusiasm. One day when the time is right, it will happen again. Good luck and thanks for sharing your story.

 
Old 12-23-2004, 11:49 AM   #4
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Join Date: Dec 2004
Location: Missouri, USA
Posts: 177
BEcca1978 HB User
Re: One Lady's Story

I can only cry as I read this post. I lost a baby in 2003 but it seems like not too long ago. I am so happy you have new hope. I know this is a miracle for you, just knowing there is a possibility for the future you dreamed of. God Bless.
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