| | One Lady's Story
My name is C S Holliman and I am 27. I struggled with the possibility of not being able to get pregnant since i was 20. (For those of you that know what i'm talking about, I know i don't have to tell you how this made me feel). I had been contemplating talking to a couple of fertility Doctors and even thought about taking fertility drugs. I had been in 2 serious relationships and had not become pregnant once with either of them. As you can imagine as the years went by, my self-confidence went lower and lower. I always told myself that living a life without children was not the road I wanted to travel. I remember March 15, 2004 I was talking to my aunt at the stove and i said, " I'm going to be an old maid with no kids." She told me i had plenty of time and to basically stop worrying. Well, I went to the Emergency Room the next under the impression that i had the flu. I had been on my period for over 2 weeks (I'm very irregular) so I didn't even think to ask for a pregnancy test. When the Doctor came in and asked me was i sexually active, I thought he was gonna tell me i had a Venereal Disease. (I'm not promiscuous. I've been in a committed relationship for 4 years as of 11/05/04). When he told me I was pregnant, you could have knocked me over with a feather. I had been praying for this moment since I was 15. (Moments before the doctor told me the news, I had just been sitting there thinking, "God is never gonna bless me with children." I couldn't believe it. They sent me to get a sonogram the same night and i saw my miracle baby. I was between 6 and 7 weeks. I was so elated. I immediately started getting all my appointments for me and the baby together. I got my WIC, (WOMEN INFANT CHILDREN)-for my ladies who aren't hip to it yet, and my insurance in order. I was so excited. However, my boyfriend was scared out of his mind. (But he stayed and supported me anyway he could). During this time, i put two and two together and realized why I had been so sick for the previous couple of weeks and why i couldn't eat. It's funny but my not being able to tolerate certain smells didn't kick in until after the pregnancy was confirmed. But despite all the nausea, the smells and the tiredness, i was having a ball thinking and planning about my baby. My boyfriend even started to get a little excited. I had my first ultrasound on August 5, 2004. I heard my baby's heart beat. It was wonderful........Sadly, the next week I was getting very bad cramping and it seemed like the pain would come for a while and them stop. Until the pain began to come faster and faster and stay longer. Little did I know that I was misscarrying. I remember I would keep going to the bathroom to try to relieve some of the pain. I never realized I was in Labor and pushing was the wrong thing to do. But it hurt so badly. I couldn't go to work I was in so much pain. I remember blood just coming and coming and the pains just attacking me from all angles. Finally, one sudden rush of blood and I felt no pain. I knew then and there that it was over and my baby was no more. I was so hurt. (I still am) I lost my baby on April 15, 2004 I got to experience and enjoy my baby for 1 whole month. I don't tell this story for sympathy. I tell it because it changed me. This whole experience changed me. I am a better person for it. God showed me that I too, am capable of creating life and being a mother one day. I still think about my baby from time to time and wonder if it would have been a he or she. But I feel blessed just to have had that wonderful 30 days with my little angel. And I know, God willing, I will be a mommy one day. I hope this makes a future mommy smile.